For quite a long time, when I listen to music that I love that I once listened to, I become very quiet, and then the depression starts and builds up rapidly to how I am feeling now.
I am now thinking about ending it all soon. Honestly, I cannot find a reason to go on. Why am I like this? I was listening to music from the past that I love and yet then I start to become depressed. It was happy type music too and nothing depressing.
I think it has something to do withtnhat the music was from when I once was happier, when I went out, danced, had friends and generally had a life. That time has gone. Maybe that is why I get so down. There is nothing now.
I used to feel optimistic for the future, years ago, but that future has been and gone, and what future lies ahead of me is an old aged one, so I can't go on.
All what I wanted to do, to be, and just the excitement of the not knowing of the future ahead, has gone. Most of that time has been taken by depression and anxiety. What is left? more of the same?
I just dont want to be any older. I am scared of death, but want to go. So how does anyone deal with that?