For quite a long time, when I listen to music that I love that I once listened to, I become very quiet, and then the depression starts and builds up rapidly to how I am feeling now.
I am now thinking about ending it all soon. Honestly, I cannot find a reason to go on. Why am I like this? I was listening to music from the past that I love and yet then I start to become depressed. It was happy type music too and nothing depressing.
I think it has something to do withtnhat the music was from when I once was happier, when I went out, danced, had friends and generally had a life. That time has gone. Maybe that is why I get so down. There is nothing now.
I used to feel optimistic for the future, years ago, but that future has been and gone, and what future lies ahead of me is an old aged one, so I can't go on.
All what I wanted to do, to be, and just the excitement of the not knowing of the future ahead, has gone. Most of that time has been taken by depression and anxiety. What is left? more of the same?
I just dont want to be any older. I am scared of death, but want to go. So how does anyone deal with that?
hi there Myranda many i say you have nothing to die for, but everything to live for, you say the music your player make you depressed is there some thing that every time you put some music you start to feel depressed because of something that happened early in you life that links you to the music, if so then would it be better to listen to music that get's you up and dancing, i suffer from depression like you and there's are songs i won't play because of how it makes me feel and that at that time the music came out, it reminder me of something that i would sooner leave it were it is in the past. i hope you will give this a try, i don't want you ending your life if there's something we can help you with, plus i've been in your state at least six times, but then something i hear changes my mind and think well i have got something to live for. i'm Alan and i hope that you will reply to me to see if i can't help you. take care your new friend Alan.
yeah, I know, eh ... depression seems to come in spells, and I seem to get get more anxious, every time I'm on youtube, and comment... I was even scared to look at nice videos on youtube, but decided not to look at the comments, for the longest time; now I did, again, and I feel like a wreck, but at the same time, it almost felt like I was somehow healing from the thing, one of the things that hurt me, as I prayed, faced my fears, and faced my fears some more ... but it messed up my sleep patterns, and more of my assignment times; I've had to get three extensions on the second assignment, since the first one that I did, that took the skeletons out of my closet; ouch. not to mention, I feel it's still happening, the first thing that set me off. But the lack of sleep does not help; I feel depressed right now, kinda', but not sure, I feel it in acute bouts at times, and a general tiredness, right now... I feel 91, but am 28; a weird pardox, I could have so much life ahead of me, but I feel I have so much I have already lived and done, had happen, and lived through, experienced, etc. it's kind of weird, some days, I feel I could die; some days, I fell I could live longer; I know suicide is not some shortcut to end pain; when we take away one thing, to keep it gone, we need another; it could be the same with death; to get rid of pain, we may need something Good; Something That Causes Pleasure; just a thought, I don't know if it's true or not...
Hi I emphasise with you as I am 61 now and can't see much ahead of me either. It is very difficult to get used to the fact that most of your years are behind you now isn't it? I find it quite depressing and sad. Having said that I am now retired and love it - I can do what I want how I want now with only financial restrictions to stop me. Fortunately I am still in reasonable health but I don't know how I would cope if I wasn't. I too find myself thinking about death quite a lot and while I know this is unhealthy I think it is quite natural.
I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Bev x
Time to look for what your life now has to offer. Your past is simply that. In the past.have a think about what you think is bad about your life just now. Not compared to the past but just as it is in the present. Have a think as well about what's OK with it. What could you do to give yourself pleasure and joy at the moment.
Leave the music alone. I can't listen to certain music like the music from my gym classes. I physically can't do them. I miss them a lot. So I don't listen to the music.
You don't say how old you are or anything about the circumstance is your life. Tell us a bit more .
I get it, you miss your youth. My youth wasn't great, depression but mostly anxiety so to be honest I don't miss that. I can understand how happy music from happier times makes you feel nostalgic. I can understand that comparing it to life right now makes things darker. It would be nice to go back to carefree times. Unfortunately we can't. That does not mean that you can't be happy and care free again. It just means that you have to find different things that make you feel that way. I'm guessing that the music isn't one of them right now. Think about something that makes you feel glad or if not that then less sad. Think about the times that there have been exceptions to feeling anxious and depressed. Growing old does not have to be sad. It's a change but there is nothing as certain as change.
I used to listen to music on the radio a lot when I was at home. Now I don't. Since my husband died in 2006, I have tried a few times but always a certain song would burst forth into my head and I'd be sobbing my heart out. Music is very evocative--especially to those who truly love it. Not only songs which had a direct connection with us but also sad songs in general affected me so much that I had no choice but to switch off the radio.
Other types of music affected me in the same way: classical piano music highlighted for me the loss of my father; Scottish Dance music brought back poignant memories of my mother.
Also, the sheer beauty of the music--especially Chopin,Liszt, Beethoven and Rachmaninoff--still makes the tears flow. I still listen to it, though, because of its beauty.
It is very difficult to let go of the past . I haven't conquered that one either. I want to wake up and find myself young again with all my loved ones near to me. We know this is impossible but it doesn't stop us from longing for it. That's when the deep sadness takes hold of us.
I was a dancer--Ballet, Highland, Tap and Ballroom. I loved it all and a large part of my spare time was spent dancing . Latterly I used to Rock'n'Roll in my bare feet at The British Legion Club. That gave me a high that lasted all of the next week. I don't dance at all now because of the frailties of age.
I also fear death. I have no faith in the existence of an Afterlife so death means annihilation. That is the worst thought possible.
I wish I could give you a huge hug and make you better but all I can do is show you that you are not alone in your thoughts. I share them with you. We're all in the same boat as we age. I am now 76 years old and hanging in there, trying to concentrate on the things I do have which many people don't: a warm home, reasonable health, my sons, my brother, my friends, my darling little dog, She is a godsend. When I need a cuddle, she's always there for me.
I would love you to stay in touch. I think we could help each other. Our names are almost the same!! Understanding and love coming your way. xxx. Myra.
You are like me I am sixty five and when I hear the music of my time the 60s-70s I still fill up. I love heavy metal and if I am sad I put my music on and sometimes it brings a lump in my throat.
In my twenties the world was right and full I learned how to dance and I would go out dancing three times a week. Pop on a Saturday, 50/50 on Sunday and Ballroom/Latin on Tuesday. I would be out dancing till two in the morning on Saturday, 12.00 on a Sunday and 0100 on a Tuesday, it was one big party.
I trained as a Youth Leader and was at night classes, then uni at the weekend. Then dancing as well. I would do my clubs during two nights a week on a day at the weekend. Then go swimming, thirty five lengths three times a week sometimes. I was as fit as a lop. When I got my Certificate for youth work I was back at college for my tickets and when 9.00 can was out dancing again, it was a busy life
Eventually in the eighties I got married and I became disabled, that was that. So you can imagine music can bring tears to my eyes when I look back to what I have become now, always in pain and depressed because of my condition.
I tried to take my life and failed, it came to me I had been lucky to do all I had dome, I had travelled as well and I used my memories to lift my mood.
You must have been active when younger and if you choke up with your music you must have been happy, if that is the case use those positive times, it does work
I don't know much, except 2 thing, that come to mind for me; One, There's no shortcut to Heaven; and Two; I had to change my music, on more than one occasion; having a computer is good; There is Something Called Iomoio, or something like that, where you can buy cheap songs; There's another program called Spotify; you can buy premium for $12.99 a month, or get the free version with ads, and not as much control of when you listen to each song, but it's got lots / heaps of songs, that you can listen to, for free, or unlimited with premium, and download them to listen offline, or delete them (you can only keep them when subscribed to spotify, hence I reccommend iomoio for songs you really like and want to keep. And there's one more; vimeo for good connections; youtube for bad connections (internet), and you can watch music videos; some Internet Service Providers can provide you with unlimited data. That's with a plan, in at least New Zealand. Youtube vid's with rel. music of the time helped me, I must go, as my dad might be mad at me, if I'm awake and online. However, I'm 28 yrs old. I feel like I'm 91, and some days like my life might be over, but the pain lasts relatively short, on earth, and there's Help Available With God; He's Helped me through 8 of the worst torture years of my life, anxiety + (plus), and then there's the other ones too, some of them were hard, and some had hard times, as well as good. I love you, and suicide is no way to go; and there's never usually any reason, to do with pain; I was scared of inflicting it on others, but I Trust God, To Keep Them At Least Going to Heaven, or with hope, Able To Be Healed, And ToEven Give Each Person What They Need, And To Let each person, form now on, nnot stay worse off than before I I met them. I just know, even when I don't have Faith, Jesus Christ Is Faithful To Do This, For me, though I can't pray at that moment, He Can't deny Himself. There's always A Way Of Escape From temptation... That's What I've Found, even If It's Narrow ... There's Always Something Good We Can Do, In This World ... And We're not alone ... God Is With Us ... no matter who else ... I Gave You To The Lord In Prayer, as I'm weak right now... and I fight each person's battle, as I type to them, pray for them, or fast for them; I fought yours, typing to you, just a bit; it feels very scary, painful, and has a lot of lies being told in it, nightmares of personal fears of my own were attacking me; I don't know if that's the demons attacking you, or it's just my own ones, working with them, because they don't like me typing anything to help you, or what. but, I Gave The Lord The Battle, And new waves of paralyzing fear came up, based on more of the same lie, but stronger; so I Keep Praying, Doing The Strategies That I Hear And Have Come To Mind; mean old demons, well, all we can do, is entrust our Souls To A Faithful Creator, If We suffer According To The Will Of God; if we don't know why, all we Can Do Is Pray, And Ask. And How Long? That was the second question I asked. Is there anything I can really do, to make the suffering really End? No, well then, What Can I Do In The Meantime? Wait, Work, Pray, Do What I Can. ... Ask For The Way Out Of temptation ... I think I'm about to get caught ... better go! All you gotta do, is trust You'll Be Alright, That One Day, The pain will end, but not by suicide, there's no 'quick' way out, we're kind of into instant, over here on earth, especially in the developing / developed countries, the more developed countries, the worse we seem to be ... the travelling time used to be four months to get somewhere on the same continent, if the timing was good; otherwise,... it would take longer; now, we can travel the world by plane, and I don't think it would take more than 80 days (less than two months)! ... typing this post took a good hour, I'm sure, unless read yours took longer than I could have thought. ...
Hi myranda
Just wanted to say I totally agree about the music thing. It's really sad because when I'm well,I love music, but in a depressed/ anxious state it just makes me grieve for the past times when I could really enjoy it. However, it also makes me think I was silly and deluded to enjoy it... or something like that?!
I just have to switch it off and do something else.
I know this feeling will pass, as I felt like it last time I had an episode 6 years ago and it did eventually pass as I recovered.
I am 49 and I think I live quite near you ( South Yorkshire). I'm a single Mum and I dread the prospect of a lonely future once my kids ( now 16 and 18 )leave home. But I retain a glimmer of optimism that I will feel better eventually and have some more happy times in my life.
I do hope you've had a decent sleep and some peaceful moments xx
Hi Myranda you got a good number of replies here - did you receive them? Can you let us know how you are today please? x
....Sorry, that I have not replied so far. I did not see all these replies, until now.
I was in a bad way a few weeks ago and for quite a while,so please forgive me for not replying. I am feeling better recently (for now) so I will reply between now and the next few days.
When I get very down, I just cannot seem to be able to do anything much. When I come out of how I feel, I seem to forget a lot of what happened. Sorry if this does not make much sense.
I do truly appreciate every single reply, and for the time that it has taken for people to write to me, and I will write back to every one.
I hope you are all having a good day so far today.
XX
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Hiya Myranda it's great to hear from you. We all understand on here how depression can grab you and make it impossible to respond so please don't apologise. This is the nature of the site. You do what you can when you can.
I do find it very disheartening though when so many people come in just the once, post, and then disappear never to be seen again. You don't know whether they have seen all the replies or whether it has helped them! I am very glad you are feeling quite a lot better now love. Thanks for undating us. x
I have a recurring problem with this. There are songs that make me sad, then I move along and feel better again. But now and again a song will remind me of how unhappy I am and really get into my system and keep on playing over.
It is usually a combination of a song that really hits me, and the singer being an attractive woman, which becomes a symbol for what I feel I missed out on. I didn't ask girls out when I was young because I was so shy, and then in my 20s I got struck down with chronic pain that has affected me ever since. Relationships and marriage would be too difficult now because I can't work and do a lot of things, and that makes me feel worse. Being a deep thinker doesn't help, I just keep on going over and over things.
It does make me wonder about the power of music, and why it even exists. It has an effect on us like a computer programme. Some of us can be successfully "programmed" by hypno, NLP etc to feel better. Maybe more can be done with music in the future to override these bad thoughts and even make us feel better physically. There is something about music that does make me think there is a lot more to life and the universe than we know at the moment.
This isn’t gonna be a long message because it’s 2:30 am right now. But I’ve been listening to songs that made me really happy like 2 summers ago when I had a lot more friends and I used to do a lot more. Now I get like 6 hours of sleep every 2 days and everything’s gotten out of hand for me. I just can’t handle this weird pain anymore. Every time I listen to these songs I just look myself in the mirror and cry. My problem is almost exactly like JDJ23...’s problem from above. I just can’t focus anymore on anything. My problem seems to come in cycles like every 2 months I’ll get this problem for 3 months, and it gets worse every cycle. It’s like I’m addicted to the music that makes me depressed. I can’t stop listening to the music that makes me sad. Does anyone else have this same problem?
wow this is exactly what I'm going thru now. i'm trying to figure out why my mood got so down, and i was thinking how since yesterday i've been listening to christian music which i usually avoid because it depresses me. i thought i could handle it, i was trying to feel better but i was thinking , it's reminding me of 11 years ago when i was so full of hope, i moved to TX thinking my time had come, my hopes would be fulfilled ( a husband, to finally know what family feels like since i didn't as a child) and i was constantly listening to christian music at the time. now that i've read someone else write the same thoughts, this confirms it and i need to just stop listening to it. all it does is remind me of that time long ago when i was full of hope and excitement, but now i have none of what i hoped for and i'm older and have to face a future growing old alone. i feel none of that excitement anymore and i need to forget that time completely or else i fear getting into a very dark depression. prayers to all here
I have this same exact problem. I think it's partially because music is inherently emotional and if I listen too long my emotions get over whelmed. The things that upset me I think are more about my brain wanting to associate how it's feeling with something it can attach sense to. Like how confusing physical pain can sometimes make you think you're angry at someone. I was freaking out on my head for an hour just now. Then I turned off my headphones and suddenly I felt safe again.
Hi! Things I used to love (doing) have the reverse effect now: I only listen to music when mobile now. It's as if my mind/ interests have inverted 180°...cooking, socialising etc. I've looked at death and my fear of 'it' has gone. We could all go anytime...it's part of my human experience - neither good nor bad. When I think about others I don't think about myself. I do as much volunteer-work as I can ( I've had M.E. / cfs 15+ years) helping animals puts things into perspective or helping in charity-shops. I 'trick myself' and do things my mind/body don't expect...even swimming. I am deeply depressed, but I don't need to feed it: breaking down occasionally doesn't break me. I need professionals with whom I can confer/ receive feedback though!!
I wish you well...there's a lot of IT about, many are worse than us...
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I don't know whats up with me.
I am depressed and so scared...
