I'm a single man heading into his forties from a small town, no wife, no kids and every day is a struggle. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to go to work (and leave it as late as possible before leaving.) I really don't want to sound like I'm whining but last year I lost my father. He was my best pal, we'd hang out a few times a week and be on the phone every other day. Since his passing everything seems so futile. I work as a chef and it seems so pointless cooking for people who can afford to eat out all the time but don't really appreciate it. I live alone and if I didn't spend sixty hours at work most of my time would be alone, which I don't mind as I kinda like just being by myself watching TV and films. I have one real friend and we go to the pub once a week and I'm pretty sure he suffers from the same loneliness, sadness as me but we never discuss it. I know there are lots of people who feel like this and lots more who have found ways to overcome this crushing, cruel anxiety. I just need to feel like there are others out there and there is help to be had. Some dark days you feel close to the end but then a few hours sleep and it starts all over again. Thanks for reading this and I truly hope you are well. Charles.
Sad, lonely and depressed. - Mental Health Sup...
Sad, lonely and depressed.
Charles, Hi!!
I could totally relate to your post and I am so glad you came on here for a chat. Its a horrible feeling when you dont want to go to work, and as you say, its worse when you work hard and its so not appreciated. There is nothing worse than the feeling of waking up in the morning and you know it is going to feel like a lifetime before you can throw that duvet back over your head. Believe me you are not the only one who has felt like this and you are most certainly NOT alone.
I am sorry to hear that you lost your dad but how good it was that you had such a good relationship with him and it must be hard when you miss him so much. You say you have a friend and your sure he is feeling like you. Next time you go out, have that chat with him. Maybe he would like to open up to you too but is unsure how to approach it?
You might not believe this but to a lot of people you are actually quite lucky. You are a single guy, no wife, no kids, you are only in your forties...The world is you oyster. If you dont have anything tying you to your town, why dont you look into moving? Even moving abroad to do the job you are doing OR leave that job which is making you so unhappy and train for something else.??.. Give yourself the gift of waking up every day to do something you really like. I am almost 52 and am training for a completely different job next month. I left a job I began to absolutely hate plus I was working with a totally horrible person and just knew if I dont leave now and do something else, I will never do it. Ive had 2 different jobs since then and they didnt work out and I was so depressed because I kept thinking I wont ever get a job again that I will enjoy. But I did and I cant wait to start. Only a few weeks ago I was feeling the same as you in as much as the dark days were overpowering me. I didnt want to waken up in the morning (if you look back at some of my posts and some of the lovely replies I received you will see what I mean).
There really IS light at the end of the tunnel but you need to make the effort to find it........and I am sure you will!!
Please be good to yourself!
Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Will be thinking about you!!
XXXXXXXXX
Hi Charles,I'm Phil, firstly,you on the right track here,get it out,you are not alone,I have similar issues with the lonliness,lack of friends save for work colleagues, I tend not to share with them either as it takes me out of my comfort zone,for all the wrong reasons,
So you cook for a living,I am envious of that,I've worked in the pub game in Australia for many years and tried my hand in the kitchen,bloody hard work,hats off to you there,I'd consider giving you my contact details if you wanted to call for a yak,but it's up to you,I'm 54 y.o. Been around the block myself once or twice,being in somewhat similar circumstances to yourself gives us both a headstart.
More importantly,you could do a few things for yourself,I suggest you make your health,mental and physical your new top priority,
Working all those hours only fills the bosses pockets and in time will run you down even more.
We no good to anyone if we buckle,you sound like you have a mate in your buddy that you have a beer with,so you not alone there,wish I did,feel free to chat when you can,there is help out there,it's not easy to find and it don't come knocking,have you tried less hours at work perhaps? Walking is good for the soul the excessive will help with sleep and in time you will find that if you make you a priority,things will improve in time,even the best chefs need time to themselves,
Sorry about your Dad,mate I had the same loss and it tore me to bits,rather than focusing on the loss,celebrate the memories,you very close as wad I,to my dad,I say this man to man...every positive thing you do for you could only serve to make him proud.
Here if you ever want a chin wag,as I said,my parting words are,be good to yourself.by reaching out you have not only touched others but it will help in the long run.
Next beer you have with your mate,raise a glass to the man you speak so fondly of,do him proud and you will be alright,I can feel it in my bones.
Take care,I'm following you on here now so do us all proud.
Phil.
Hello Charles.
You have not got over the loss of your Father and it is important you are able to put your loss in a place where you will have good and bad memories of a loved Father. Is your Mother still alive or are there any family members that would be able to discuss your profound loss with. You have your one friend you meet for a drink, a good friend is a really rare and sometimes they can be like family.
I would if you find it difficult go and see your GP and see if He will arrange CBT to talk it out.
A year is not long to get over a loss, grief can take several years and even then our memories can still bring about that sadness. It will get better, we never recover, although you will need to move on.
Have you considered looking for a Partner who you can be with, there are Agencies that cater for men and women in their middle years.
There will be various organisations that can foster an interest in various activities. If not that could it be going to Night Class Some centres do Dancing Classes, or some other diversions.
Diversions and new interests can help you move on into a new direction to life. I know when I was a great deal younger I learned to dance, Ballroom, Latin and Old time, it opened up a world of new, interesting things. Whatever you decide, try and get sorted and move on, whatever age you are, forty you have the chance to try new things, you may meet someone to share your life with, if that is what you want
BOB
Hi Charles
Maybe you could talk to your friend and if you both feel the same try joining some sort of class or club to meet new people it is hard sometimes to start new friendships if there is 2 of you starting a new chapter in your life it could be the thing your looking for.i hope you make new connections and start feeling better.good luck and hope for the future.
Thanks guys for the lovely responses and support. I will be going to my local GP and talking about things does help. I'll be taking every day as it comes and trying to get small positives out of every day. I'm also making sure that every couple of months I have something booked in my diary that I can look forward to, so at least if things are tough for me at work I'll have made plans for a little break. Cheers again for the support. Charlie.
How can I tell if I'm depressed?
Lonely and hopeless 
It can be very lonely in this world
