Help, sooo stressed, depressed and sad

[kelliemac]

Hi this is the first time iv ever used a site like this. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years now, iv had some counselling beforecand attended a CBT course, which i found helpfull but at present i feel i need someone to talk to most all of the time. I dont have many friends, i hardly go out anymore and i feel this has happened since getting married. We have just had our 1st anniversary and are going to spain for a break away. I have 2 children and my husband doesnt have any, i feel he doesnt like my son, which hurtscand upsets me, when i mention this to him he doesnt say anything apart from i dont no. He never shows my son any affection andcrarely wants to do anything with him.my son has a passion for football but my husband hates it. I take my son to all his football training sessions and matches and encourage him cheer him on and support him but my husband doesnt want to come to watch him and if he does he doesnt speak to anyone or cheer my son on at all. He is quick enough to complain about him and tell him off etc but never says anything nice about him or encouraging. Im sorry i have so much to air that is getting me down i feel im now burding you all. This is not even half of what is going on in my head. I really feel i need some help and advice but i dont no where to turn

[Satsuma]

I feel you are in a dysfunctional marriage. Your husband should accept your son as you come as a package. No wonder you feel the way you do. It sounds to me as he is not supporting you like he should.

[BettyA]

Hi Kelliemac,

Its no wonder you get depressed and have anxiety! Your children have GOT to come first (to my way of thinking anyway)... I am not sure why you feel you have to stay in this marriage... I am surprised your counselor hasn't questioned you about this... I wish you all kinds of good luck... but please, think about your SELF and your CHILDREN....

[Worried111]

Hi i am sorry you are in this horrible situation,have you ever sat your husband down and had a frank discussion about this and told him how it makes you feel,you said your husband has no children of his own,he may find it hard to relate to children,possibly even could be jealous of your attention to your children,i know it is a very selfish trait to have for an adult but it does happen,and was it ok at the start of the marriage as he married you and should have then accepted the fact you had 2 children,what im trying to say is if he has never really been interested in the children from when you first met,then that is not good,or has the relationship deteriorated as the year has gone on,because there may be reasons,this is something that is serious and needs to be addressed,its always best to get things out in the open as a family and not suppress and let them stew under the surface,i do hope you can find the strength to really sort this out as your children are always the most important in any relationship and he should understand this,and it will not do your anxiety any good if you dont get to the bottom of the problem,so you can move on with or without him,it is all clearly making you unhappy,i wish you well and sincerely hope it works out for the best

[kelliemac in reply to Worried111]

I have tried to talk to him but he clams up and just says my son doesnt listen etc he does play xbox with him but doesnt really want to but i feel he doesnt really no howvto interact with him. He says its because my son is older and hes come into his life at a later stage but i think you may be right about the jealousy thing im not sure. Iv explained that my son craves his attention as he doesnt see his real dad and he just wants some male bonding. I think he is trying now. We have recently lost our baby aswell qhich doesnt help my symptons as im sooo upset, this is my 3rd miscarriage in my life and its hard now to feel like i want to try again. I also feel that we maybe drifting apart as we dont have anything in common anymore, we dont laugh, see any friends have people round. I feel quite lonely, but other times we can be quite loving. Sometimes i think maybe its me and my depression and anxiety making me think silly things. I also don't have much of a family life as my parents are not together anymore, although this has been over 15yrs my mum wont even be in the same room as my dad, she pushes me out and hardly bothers with me and my kids. I feel she favours my sister as my sister does not speak with my dad, shes always having my sisters kids round but never mine and if i try to discuss my feelings she will not talk and then wont speak to me for months. She didnt ecen come to my wedding as my dad was going to be there. In the end my dad nearly died and wasnt able to give me away anyway. I feel scaredvto talk them all about my feelings in fear of upsetting everyone but then they dont realise how much its upsetting me. Thank you for listening to me, i really need to air this

[Hidden in reply to kelliemac]

Hi. First of all good for you to recognise there is a problem and you need to address it.

if the relationship between them is bad it will only get worse because your Son will get stressed by it which will cause you tons more worry.

husbands can come and go. Children are forever. You sound like your abit in momma bear mode. Trying yo protect a child from someone you should be able to trust is very draining and confusing.

I think you should re-consider having another baby right now. I think you sound very worn down. You should consider that there is no guarantee that a new baby will be anymore welcome to him than a your son. Decent dads are often great with all children full stop. It could be a sign that he's just not great father material.

maybe that's why you feel so sad. You are disappointed he's not everything you hoped he would be. Its abit like grief. And its frightening because its complicated to fix.

in your heart you know the truth. Better to take the pain of an abandoned marriage in the short term than years of worry about your son in a stressful relationship.

thinking of you xxxx

[Te-84]

Not to come off as being mean but the min you started seeing each other then became married your son became his also. I'm a step parent I have 2 sons from my experience husband and my now fiance has 1 son from his ex and the min we started getting serious we had that talk about how we both have 3 children there not his not mine there ours and will all be treated the same. It's sad that he treats your son this way. I'm here if I can help I'm a good listener. I hope it gets better so it can relieve stress and strain on you and your marriage. Sorry if I came off as rude didn't mean to.