Overload

[Daylightsaving]

I feel so overloaded right now. I've deleted this post 3 times because I feel like I don't even have time to get into a conversation about it or receive any support for myself. Writing is my way of working things out so thanks for witnessing my process I know it's my brain that's stuck on high alert and fighting it is futile so here is where remind myself to breathe, take 5 minutes to ground myself and look at today's priorities.

I think the Christmas hype has taken up residence in my head, convincing me I won't be ready and therefore will be a terrible wife, mother, daughter, niece, aunt, friend and co-worker! Hats off to the retailers and their marketing agencies. Seeing this written down, I am starting to feel better already.

The past few months have been really tough, I was in hospital as an emergency at the end of August with a stuck kidney stone which took 2 months to get sorted then my parents suddenly needed extra help (both are ultra controlling but in different ways), all my kids have been struggling in different ways and my other half is hopeless when I'm ill.

I started with a virus that has caused me to lose my voice now which is so tiring and frustrating especially as I had my son and his kids visiting for the weekend.

I've got work to do today but I feel like I just want to disappear, (no plans to harm myself) it all feels too much. Getting a shower usually helps but I don't want to use all my energy doing that and not being able to do the stuff that really needs doing, Oh,I have long COVID too which has left me with Chronic Fatigue amongst other things 🙆 I don't want to whine about it and usually I cope fairly well. Thanks

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Daylightsaving,

Thank you for opening up and sharing honestly.

I am very sorry that you have had so many health struggles this year and also have an added caregiver responsibilities. These are very high stress situations.

I can relate to feeling like I'm not good enough for not doing better. At the same time I too have had health issues that severely impacted me.

I still feel like every day I have to be "at the highest readiness" and it's really wearing me out.

It is tough as people don't really know about health struggles and everyone is "expected" to be doing things. It has not helped that this year it started particularly early.

I feel like, if I can't sort out basic priorities, then I can't do other things. It is really tough to explain. Maybe because there is stigma attached.

[Daylightsaving in reply to Nathalie99]

I totally get it, it feels like there are so many expectations to meet and the urge to meet them can bring me to the point of overload. Today, after writing my post, I worked in my pj's for a bit, luckily working from home today : ) then managed a shower and feel a bit calmer now. I know I can't do everything and have been explicit about this with the people around me but because I look ok on the outside people just forget.

[Mamamichl]

thank you for sharing. This time of year takes away my spoons faster than other times as well. Zen hugs 🫂

[Daylightsaving in reply to Mamamichl]

I know, I keep reading all this stuff about filling your house with bright colours and going out for early morning walks but it's just extra stuff to remember and organize. Plus, how many women feel safe walking alone in the dark? Maybe that's why it's more tiring, there's more darkness to navigate 🤔 I'm always on higher alert outside in the dark.

[Mamamichl in reply to Daylightsaving]

I usually do it after I take my kid to school. The sun is rising and there’s more people around to be witness. I do get the feelings though. I have a reusable alarm in my pocket.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Daylightsaving

I'm glad you were able to post and happy to hear that writing helped you.

I'm very sorry your health has been challenging this year. I hope you are on the mend.

People have expectations because it's " always" been that way. A part of our healing is learning to set boundaries and take care of ourselves by learning to say no. It's not easy to put this into practice.

Maybe a list to each person saying.... this is what I need you to do. Sometimes people don't know where to begin.

You have made progress today Working in pj sounds comforting. I hope your work shift went well

❤️🐬

[Daylightsaving in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi Dolphin,

Thanks, I'm much better at saying no than I used to be and setting boundaries but sometimes this has the unintended consequence of creating an atmosphere of judgement and resentment which, when wielded by those with narcissistic tendencies, can create an emotional storm which I have to anticipate in order to protect myself from the impact. It's very tiring but I rescheduled some meetings due to take place this morning which I'm proud of. I took things easy this morning and decided to take myself for a coffee this afternoon before picking up some Christmas labels so I can start wrapping presents, which I love 💕

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Daylightsaving]

I agree with you all the way. The narcissists are the ones that contributed to our unbalance and it's so hard to try and be strong with them.

Good job taking care of yourself today I'm a huge fan of the holiday. Enjoy your wrapping 🎄🎄🤶🎅🏻