sadness

[Agara33]

i feel there is a distortion in my life, a grave misunderstanding, or a conclusion that I have reached, drawn from inaccurate feedback. people sometimes tell me that not everything can be perfect which i find disturbing. i don't want everything to be perfect, but it would be nice if not everything i did was a mistake and not what I wanted. this will seam like something silly but i received a table for free-it was a favor, but when it came it is not what i want and needs to be painted. i actually really wanted to take a break from building this apartment from the beginning because my head is so unclear and everything takes so much effort for me....but a friend pushed me to arrange for this table at least...and now its going to turn in a project, and i hate the feeling of being pushed, or of having done something i didn't want to do....and it was a favor so i don't know if i should complain. but i am very clear that i just can't handle any more, no more expenses and projects and never ending lists of things to do....i need things to be simple and easy...i feel like its a broken record of things going wrong and a lot of advice from a lot of directions leaving me very confused....i want to end this chapter that is on repeat, cleaning up messes, advice that i don't relate to...life feels very distorted and disoriented...i need to understand what i need, what i want, i yearn for some solid, sane feedback, but my own communication seams to add to the confusion

[Agara33]

the thing is this situation deeply upset me....more than it should have....

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am very sorry that you have so much overload, Agara.

I do have an overload at times and I think I overdo things and then something else happens and I don't always have that extra buffer, the resilience.

It's something I have been thinking about for a long while.

Change and new environment can take a lot of energy and moving is stressful.

Figuring out where everything is, plan the interior takes extra energy.

I enjoy decorating but at the same time I find the moving process stressful.

The pressure of trying to not disappoint your friend might be adding to all the other things that you are already dealing with.

I know people say that things don't have to be perfect and they mean well. It's just tough to say how things are honestly without too much detail and explaining ourselves.

I know it is supposed to be a positive event. Maybe the timing isn't right, though. I hope you can find a way to connect to your inner self that isn't too painful, to be aware of your body and how you are, with self compassion and know what to do, where to focus your energy.

I am thinking about you...

[Agara33 in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you, its sad to swallow making another mistake.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Agara33]

I know, I make mistakes too and feel bad about them...

Sending you a virtual hug xx

[1949liz]

Hi I am sorry that at this time you are down and feel sad. In time It will pass, it always does. About the table put a table cloth on it with a plant pot think of it as a blessing rather than another project. I find sometimes just putting the washing in the machine a task but when it’s done, another task getting it hung up another to dry another task. But I read last week that if I think of doing anything then it’s doing it as a Blessing and a joy. I am not there yet but a work in progress GOD BLESS Liz 🙏❤️

[Agara33]

thank you liz