Christmas ptsd

[Curry223]

I had a huge physical fight with my boyfriends family christmas 2021 and I haven’t been back since and even though everything has calmed down, I’m scared something bad will happen again so I just don’t go.

[silentdreamer20]

I understand this entirely. How long have you and your bf been together? Is there a real chance of a future with you two? I ask because if you two are going to be together, there are going to be occasions where you will be around his family. I am in therapy and learning how to deal with my inlaws is one of the things I am working on, so I get how difficult all of this can be. Take it step by step, and in small doses. Always have a safe word that your bf knows so that you can leave when you're feeling overwhelmed and make sure your bf is on board with it BEFORE you agree to go. Have an exit excuse ready, just in case- But don't go in planning to use it... It's a plan B for if things go badly. And be honest with your bf (which you may be, I don't know.) Explain that you are feeling uneasy about his parents after your last encounter and you need to know that if you need to leave because you are uncomfortable or for whatever reason, you can. Without him being upset with you. I had to explain to my husband that I was trying real hard to make things work, comfortable, and civil, but I needed to know he was on my side and respected my feelings in all of it. I kept it all to myself for a long time- but that turned into a disaster until I expressed everything to him.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to silentdreamer20]

silentdreamer20

I can't add anything else to the great advice you have given.

Open communication is so important in this situation. I like the idea of a code word. This is a pre planned safety net.

I always took my own car wherever I went. If I had to back out of any social gathering I could leave everyone else to continue enjoying whatever was going on, This gave me the feeling of control.

🐬

[Curry223 in reply to Dolphin14]

you are 100% right! All about communication

[Curry223 in reply to silentdreamer20]

we are going on 4 years and yes it’s a very serious relationship. Thank you so much for giving me treat advice! I will talk with him today on Xmas eve and see what happens!