Hello! I was not certain where I could go to ask this, so I’ve found myself here. I was hoping someone could give me some opinions/feedback. I hope this is alright.
A few years ago, I suffered from an emotionally traumatic event. I experienced a range of side effects from it, that I didn’t really think much about at the time. Now, years later, I find that I’m still getting... I don’t know the term to use? I hesitate to call it flashbacks as they’re very short, usually, but I will recall the event and feel awful and “itchy” after it. I haven’t really dwelled on how this event has affected me (because I didn’t want to dwell on it at all, as I’m sure you can imagine) but a recent conversation with my boyfriend has given me pause.
When the event happened, I reacted in a few different ways. I would get fearful when I heard the same type of car related to the incident drive by (regardless of if it was the same car or not), I physically made a barrier between myself and the entrance to my room (I had what I’d called at the time a “hiding nook”, which was just a space cleared from between my bed and the wall, out of view of the door. It’s all very sad thinking back now, but i still have that urge to make another one even now), and I became closed off from friends/family and fearful of large places. Among other things, but I’d like to attempt to keep this somewhat short 😂
As time has passed these things have calmed for the most part (a lot was also already there due to my already diagnosed anxiety disorder) but these flashes of memories will still haunt me some times, and I will still get uncomfortable at the sight/sound of that same type of truck.
Usually, I would just chalk all of this up to just what it is - emotional trauma I haven’t gotten over. But a few months ago I had this short, 10 second or so episode? I guess? I was laying in my bed at a new apartment, and I suddenly thought I was back there, where I had been when the event had taken place. There was no trigger that i could see, besides my bed being in the same place it was at the old place). It didn’t last very long at all and part of me knew I wasn’t there but there was also this instinctual part of myself that just kept telling me i was back where I wasn’t safe. It was deeply unsettling and rattled me for quite a few days.
Anyway, I say all of this to say that I don’t know what this all is. Part of me has always downplayed my own traumas; made me think that it wasn’t “serious” enough to effect me so badly. That if i did think it was PTSD, it was just overreacting and being disrespectful to the people who DO suffer from it. Which is why I’m writing this now, hoping someone could give me unbiased feedback.
My boyfriend has urged me to look into the possibility of this being PTSD, and if so to get help for it. If not, to get help for just the trauma in general. I would like to do that, if I can. What are your thoughts? I would love to know.
Thank you for taking the time to read this novel!!! Lol
TL;DR: I have certain symptoms that may or may not be PTSD, and I’d like to know others’ opinions on it.
My PTSD with Intimacy
Living with PTSD
