My trauma clashing with theirs

[Particle_Enby]

My therapist says I likely have complex PTSD. Some triggers for me are pressure to be perfect (which I am not) and being accused of something I didn't do.

So when I accidentally tripped my friend/roommate's trigger, that tripped mine!

I put something in the group roommate chat that I thought was not emotional at all (because she perceives things in the worst possible way if they are). I'm starting some aquaponics stuff in the pond and had talked to her about it many times, and I explained I needed something to cut this foam mat with and there was no hurry but let me know if you have something that would work.

At first her answer was pretty ordinary. But then she added something about wanting me to have the respect to ask her (we've talked about it many times, what in the world) instead of expecting her to fulfill my needs. WHAT?

So as usual, I roll over and apologize and I'm not even sure what I'm apologizing for. We've known each other for years. I would hope she knows I don't feel any disrespect for her, although she keeps saying this on a few occasions.

I just want to cry and curl up in a ball. If nothing I do is ever good enough for myself, how am I supposed to deal with somebody else scolding me for my words not being absolutely perfect on every occasion? (I didn't phrase it in the form of a question so it got perceived as a command, which it definitely was not.)

This is making my thoughts get darker than they have been in a long time. (Not doing anything rash, just having idle thoughts.)

If you were me, what would you do? Or is there anything you have to say that might be helpful to either of us? Thank you.

[BrainIsFull]

Hi! 🙂 That sounds like a rough situation. All of us human beings are dealing with *something* and we are bound to have these types of situations at some point. I see it with my husband and I. He often says that how I am responding to him seems like I must think he's dumb, which is far from the truth and then he can overreact (because he feels dumb and feels like I have confirmed that) and be abrupt and angry and I feel small and ashamed (because that's an issue for me and I feel like he is confirming it). 😳 😳 😳 It's hard to untangle all of that.

I don't have any great, specific advice other than to be as open with your roommate as you can. I think it's important to stand up for yourself but I know how tricky that can be. When I do that with my husband, I often react like a child bc that's the mental state I am in during most of our conflicts. I *have* been able to ground myself and respond as an adult and it has been really helpful but it doesn't always happen. Little steps! 😃

Do you have a therapist to talk to about this? I guess that is what I would suggest. 💚

[Particle_Enby in reply to BrainIsFull]

thanks. I do have a therapist, but they are out for a month.

[BrainIsFull in reply to Particle_Enby]

Oh. They always seem to be gone when you need them! 🙄