Is this a safe zone?

[peacefulwarrior817]

I just wondered if this is a safe place to discuss PTSD/anxiety? I do not want to be judged by sharing my story.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi peacefulwarrior817,

Our community is based on mutual support and non judgemental attitude. Check out our community guidelines here:

healthunlocked.com/healmypt...

You can share things here.

[peacefulwarrior817 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you. So much. Made me a little teary to know that there truly are others that can understand and empathize without judgement.

[peacefulwarrior817]

Well, here goes.

I’m Mallory and prior to being diagnosed with PTSD, I struggled with anxiety. I was recently involved in an abusive relationship (emotionally and domestically). I had an order of protection against my abuser but the law did not work in my favor and it got dropped. I now live with hypervigilance and flashbacks of the situation.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulwarrior817]

I am sorry for what happened to you. It sounds very frightening and it's understandable that you are hypervigilant.

Your safety is the most important thing.

Do you have a counselor that you can talk to about flashbacks and other symptoms?

It can be exhausting and interfere with sleep.

I hope you can find ways to feel safer and gradually improve the hypervigilance...

[peacefulwarrior817 in reply to Nathalie99]

I do have a counselor but right now the situation is truly debilitating. I feel that I’ve lost my voice and my truth in everything.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulwarrior817]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. It is horrible.

Your truth is always there no matter what but I understand it's hard to cope.

You can always talk on here.

[Tylisha4 in reply to peacefulwarrior817]

Peacefulwarrior817

Mallory You are not alone

I have ptsd from my abusive husband I was with him 28 years.

The symptoms of ptsd are awful and you can feel very alone, many do not understand or want to understand why we can’t just get over it or are behaviour.

When you have had to live life surviving an abusive relationship it has a big impact on a victim and how we view the world.

You have taken a big step and speaking here

There are many of us who have ptsd from domestic abuse. You are not crazy or mad, you have an injury caused by someone else’s bad behaviour towards you.

I hope you Know you are a strong woman and are now a survivor ❤️

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Hi oeacefulwarrior817: I’m sorry this has happened to you and am not surprised you have been letdown by the judicial system. I have a daughter who lived through and finally left a violently abusive husband so I understand a bit from a mothers point of view.

I used to get very angry with people who would say to me why doesn’t she just leave. Ha if only it was that easy eh.

I would say to them don’t ask why she doesn’t leave ask why he beats her. Put the blame back where it belongs with the abuser!

It is an incredibly brave decision you have made to leave the perpetrator. Many won’t get that s they may only have ever seen the lovely person they portray to others and won’t maybe want to understand what went on behind closed doors with no 8ne else present. Lots blamed my daughter for leaving or would say she must have done something to cause his anger to flare. She did neither. He was just a smarmy person in front of others and a brutal bully to her and their children.

It’s huge what you have done now give yourself the permission to heal. My daughter found a trauma informed therapist to work with in this respect.

I’m so proud of you for leaving, so proud you made the best decision for the rest of your life.

[peacefulwarrior817 in reply to Lindyloo53]

Thank you. That really means a lot. I went to jail after he assaulted me. I have this impending doom that I’m going to end up back in there.

[Midori]

Hi Mallory,

I too am a survivor of partner abuse, a long time ago, before the Police became proactive about it.

Won't go into too much detail, don't want to trigger anything, but for me it started as criticism of my appearance, the house not being immaculate, and progressed to control of money and distancing me from friends and family, then actual violence, followed by roses and wine, and promises it wouldn't happen again if I 'behaved properly'. (never understood that), I was a nurse, and a black eye did not enhance my reputation on the wards.

He was a very driven person, a workaholic, and expected me to be able to rustle up a gourmet meal at any hour of the day or night, when he brought folk back, (without letting me know, of course,)

Long story short, he was made redundant, which made things worse; he was always a drinker after work with his mates, but now it came home, and just made stuff worse, plus there were now two children to consider, so eventually I took the kids and ran to the local Womens' Aid, where they took one look at me and the kids and relocated us to another part of the country, where I got an injunction against him with power of arrest, and began divorce proceedings. He countersued for access to the children, and when denied, committed suicide.

It didn't stop there, The Inquest was delayed for 6 months, and during this time I was getting grief from the Inlaws, who tried to take the children, and made the most appalling allegations about me, including that I murdered him!

Yes, it can get that bad, and, although 30 years ago now, I am still hypervigilant, and if the phone rings, I get the adrenaline rush and the 'flight or fight reaction', and I jump violently.

I know I am safe now, and although my son can get very angry and frustrated, it's not with me, so, although I still get very apprehensive when he gets moody, I know it isn't aimed at me. He is my carer, as I am now disabled. he has his Man Cave to retreat to when it gets too much for him.

I don't have relationships now, and won't get into one again, quite happily celibate, although I can relate now to men in a social setting, that's as close as I allow them to get.

Recently moved to Wales to get a break from the town where it all happened, and into a bungalow, which is manageable, but a little small, so maybe a small extension may be good. The people are lovely here, if a little nosy, so I'll keep quiet about that chapter of my life with them. Not sure how strong the rumour mill is here, so I'll keep shtum about it.

Cheers, Midori

[peacefulwarrior817 in reply to Midori]

Your story is so familiar to mine. I am also a nurse. All I have heard is how “crazy” I am and hallucinating. I just want to run far away from this town to where no one can find me. No one here understands and I just keep thinking they will only understand when something really bad happens to me. When I say “there are too many breaks in the chain of custody. I don’t feel safe”, I mean it, and no one listens.

[Midori in reply to peacefulwarrior817]

If you want to chat via PM, I'm happy to do so.

Cheers, Midori

[Hidden]

Yes I have PTSD too😄

[Shy_Guy]

You are not alone. PTSD comes in many forms. Mine is from childhood that went away and came back when I got older.