Heal My PTSD

Appointment tomorrow

So I have an appointment tomorrow after work with a new doctor. Not really feeling scared about it but not really wanting to go XD. I do need a refill on my meds though.

Pretty sure I’ll be fine but still not wanting to go and deal with another new doctor. My old Doctor moved there practice to the other side of the U.S. still checks in in me which is nice.

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AresOnline63 nice that your doctor checks in on you, hope your appointment went well.

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Well I went and met my new psychologist just got home a bit ago, pretty much thinking I will keep her around but still wasn’t feeling all that great after being barraged again with all the feelings and memories. She took like 20 mins to read my essay writing notes the whole time. Literally felt like I was just watching my money going down the drain. Then she started a timer and said okay let’s get started. So she didn’t start charging me until we actually started talking which was a relief honestly. But she had my old file and asked if she could look at the photos that were taken at the hospital after I was recovering. I told her she could. Literally could see the pure disgust on her face and then she asked if she could see how they healed and I told her no. She then asked if I was hurting myself if that’s why I didn’t want to show her. I told her no I don’t hurt myself and I never have. Literally went threw the whole crisis rundown see if I was suicidal or a threat to myself which just made me angry and got extremely defensive, she apologised but just wants to understand how my brain is ticking. She explained also that in my last visit to my old psych 2 months ago and let me know that I’ve lost around 50 pounds since my last visit and asked if I was trying kill myself threw starvation again from like when I was captured. I told her that no I’m not trying just I’m never feel hungry because of it and also because my meds make me lose my appetite. I told her I smoke some “green” to help with the appetite issue and she said well not her first choice but was happy I could share lol. I told her also I can’t smoke when I’m working only when school is out. She said she would look into my meds and see if she could adjust anything. Idk it was a lot of old memories I didn’t want to remember ever again. But it wasn’t complete terrible. She said she wants to see me twice a week with her and the psychiatrist told her there’s no way in hell I could afford that lmfao. So she said well come when I can afford it but she really wants me twice a week. I tired to explain to her that probably most I could afford is once every month and half and said my recovery shouldn’t have a price tag. I get it she wants to help but I can’t afford that much money so quickly like that lmfao 😹. But besides the big money issue it wasn’t completely terrible like I thought it was going to be.

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glad it went well. You spoke up and said your needs. good job. We did it. more later

xx

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