Sharing...?

[stevecripe57]

A general question for those of you who see therapists: After a session, does your significant other play 20 questions with you, wanting to know what you talked about, what you said, how you responded to this or that? And do you share specifics about your therapy sessions? I'm sure my wife is well-meaning, but most of the time I don't feel like sharing specifics. Most of the time, I'm still processing what I discussed with my therapist and her help and direction. I don't feel like I need to come home and be re-examined by my wife "therapist". Just wondered about others opinions and how they handle the situation.

[crazytater]

My husband doesn't ask, I am usually pretty grumpy, so he knows I have at least been to therapy. If he does ask, he asks how did it go, I say fine, that is the end. Sometimes after I absorb what the Therapist and I talk about I will volunteer some info. But I always feel bad about going on , and on about therapy this and therapy that. So usually I just clam up and say nothing. It would get old to me if my husband came home from work all the time and talk about his new secretary, That is how I relate it too at least. No he doesn't have a secretary. Just my take on it.

[stevecripe57 in reply to crazytater]

Thanks, I understand and appreciate your comments.

[daisymay70]

Hi Steve. I think is woman matter investigating what's going on especially if the therapist is woman as well.It's the fear that you might be involved emotionally with your therapist....in fact you be said that don't want to go into specifics obviously because you don't want to offend your wife maybe because you've mentioned her in therapy.As I mentioned in another blog is better to have same sex therapist/client into a room for not drawing misunderstanding or opting for on line or phone therapy where you'll never meet the therapist

[stevecripe57 in reply to daisymay70]

Wow. I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to voice your input here. But your concerns you expressed are way off base. The reason I choose to see a female therapist is because I do not relate to men, especially on an emotional level.

[DisneyDreamer86]

Depending on how confident you are, maybe she SHOULD try sitting in on a session. When I finally started seeing a therapist that specialized in my particular trauma, I'd be scared to say stuff or answer questions. Or I couldn't get the words arranged into thoughts that made sense. Having my Fiancé there helped ALOT. He usually knew what I was trying to say, and knew that I was NOT comfortable, So he voiced how I felt. I didn't feel scared with him there - If I Lost it and cried or needed a hug, or eve have him stroke my hair or whatever soothing thing you could think of. Having my Fiancé there eventually helped me to open up. I'm still verbally tight-lipped at family dinners - with both sets of parents, but I'm working on it. I mean, I'll speak when spoken too, and answer questions, but I'm not the same out-going, trusting person I used to be. Its SO MUCH Easier to talk to a cat, dog, or horse, though.

[stevecripe57 in reply to DisneyDreamer86]

I so happy for you that including your significant other was helpful in your situation. This would not be the case in mine unfortunately.

[DisneyDreamer86 in reply to stevecripe57]

I feel sorry that you feel so pressured by your wife... Have you tried telling her you just don't want to talk about it, or that you'll tell her when you're ready, but that pressuring you won't help? I hope she'll eventually understand, and that things get better for you. Sharing can go either way - it can either help you or hurt you in your quest to heal. My problem is that I just want to get all the bad thoughts & feelings out, but sometimes my over-sharing and honesty bother people. I never mean to do that - that's the last thing I want to do. Its a fine line to walk, and can be very difficult at times.

[GRUMPYA]

I think your wife just cares. The chances are she has lived with the symptoms your condition has produced and tried helping you herself before you asked for help. I'm sure she has no idea how she should handle this situation. She may well have tried to help you before and is interested in how a professional helps you, she obviously doesn't understand that her asking you about therapy makes you feel threatened or uncomfortable. I don't agree with the idea that she feels threatened by the thought of you talking to another female, not unless she has real issues with jealousy herself.

My husband is about to start therapy and I have spent 30 years trying to help him with his issues so i would feel very uncomfortable if his therapy was off limits now and I couldn't talk about it with him. It's not me being nosy or trying to be an amateur therapist but trying to help, support and understand. When i had therapy i would come out and in the car on the way home i would ask him bits and pieces of what my therapist had said. I would ask him if he agreed with things she had said about me or other people and he would listen and be interested in what she had said because he had spent several years trying to straighten my head out before i got help. He wanted to know where his wife had gone and if she was coming back.

If you want to withdraw and not share with your wife you should have a conversation with her when you are not upset or grouchy about her attempts to help and explain that dealing with therapy is difficult and although you know she means we'll you find it hard to talk about it. I'm sure if you do it when you are calm she will understand. Women tend to be much more verbal than men and inclined to talk while mengenerally say many fewer words in a day than women.

Remember when you started therapy no one told your wife what her role would be, it can be very hard living with and supporting someone with mental health issues, and she must care because she is still there supporting you. Therapy can also be quite painful and make us hard to live with, so pick a moment when you are calm and there is time to discuss this properly. I hope your therapy helps you and that your wife finds her role in your recovery

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Steve,

I can understand that. In my case, I am usually not asked specifics of my therapy session, he asks sometimes because he is curious but if I don't want to talk about it, he doesn't ask again. It's entirely up to me to share anything at all.

That's only in my case, everyone is different I guess.

P.S. Sometimes he was present in my therapy sessions. He is involved but he respects when I don't want to share stuff.

[stevecripe57 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you.

[stevecripe57 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks Nat..I appreciate your comments.

[Hidden]

I found it useful to talk about the type of techniques used with my husband as he is genuinely interested. Once I asked him to ask another therapist (a family friend of his) why my therapist insisted on using the same technique of mindfulness all the time. The advice was good and I did ask her but never got a satisfactory answer from the therapist herself.!! I should have listened! Perhaps you could talk about the general rather than the specific. I would agree with the other posters that although her enquiries are well meaning perhaps you can reassure her that you will discuss with her if and when you are ready and that this is not about excluding her but it just being too difficult to talk about at the moment.

[stevecripe57 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the beneficial input!

[stevecripe57 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks.

[tyzack]

When I get home, my husbands asks how it went. It's his way of showing he cares. I usually say good & I might say another sentence or 2 but that's about it. Because some of my trauma is related to how he was in the past I need to work it out with someone else. I have gone over specifics with him but I don't want to keep beating him over the head with it while I work thru it. We are both PTSD patients & support & share with each other but as I explained to him, neither of us are therapists & I need professional help with some of it. On the reverse side, when he would come home from the doctor, I used to grill him for every detail. I did that because I was insecure & afraid. I wanted to know that he was going to be o.k. so I could feel safer. I realized what I was doing & have stopped that. Now I simply ask how it went. He says good & might relate a sentence or 2 like I do. We respect each others boundaries now & know that if one of us has something to share we will each do it in our own time. It's really nice.

[stevecripe57 in reply to tyzack]

Thank you for your comments.

[Hidden]

My wife (when I was married) asked me many time what we talked about. My wife was very controlling but she also honestly cared. It usually is not black or white and there is some grey in there. In my case, I was nice about it but I told her it was private and needed time to process it. Later I might bring up general things that I learned or experienced but I almost never talked about specifics.

[stevecripe57 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your beneficial comments.

[stevecripe57]

Thanks for your input!

[nessa3]

I dont talk to him about anything....I dont trust people with intimate issues, anything they can use against me

[stevecripe57 in reply to nessa3]

I understand that completely, nessa. Thanks.