Drifting

[ferg21j]

Working towards a better me is hard. I feel nothing all the time. I don’t know what happiness is. What makes me happy? I couldn’t answer that. I don’t like the way I am and I wish I could change me. I thought about why I feel nothing, wrote about it, and talked. I still do not have the answer to the question. I feel like I am not actually living this place. I feel like I am just drifting in the wind.

[Hidden]

Hi ferg21j yes it is hard. It will get better it has to. Coming on here and speaking about it is a big step. I used to be a happy person but it got lost I’m trying to get it back but it is hard. Have you talked to a therapist how you feel? It does help they seem to know the right things to say. Change takes time and patience, have you got someone you can talk to and confide in? I talk to my dog as I can’t speak to my family. At least she listens apart from when she starts snoring🤣. With PTSD there is no easy answer I want to be me again but I think I got lost. You will get there and you will stop drifting in the wind that’s your brain’s way of coping and healing. It will get better. 😊🌻🐾🐾xx

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Hi ferg21j. It does get better or at least that is my experience in working now with a therapist for two years. I am again starting to feel. I think I blocked all feelings out with dissociation but now I'm

Dissociating less and starting to feel. It might be looking at a flower seeing it's beauty and smiling things like that in the beginning. Are you in therapy?

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Lindyloo53]

awesome Lindylooxx

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

hi ferg21j, yeah, I think a therapist, a trauma one is something we need. I am about to start too.

do you have one ?

There are people on here I have watched get better and better, so it is possible. Just doesn't feel that way at all, at least for me sometimes.

Not feeling, dissociated, I lived in my head in college, but it came creeping up and driving 120 on freeway, gave me ideas that maybe I was mad.

There are reasons for why our minds do what they do I guess to protect us for a while.

Numb is protection I guess. Our minds saying, well not ready yet to deal. I dissociate badly all the time. And one part of it is that all of a sudden, I feel nothing. The pain is gone.

Keep reaching out. Keep pursuing health and wellness, all we can do and I have seen , like I said, many on here getting better. Keep writing here too.

great job reaching out, I know it is so hard, I just want the bad to go away without having to work so hard

xxxx

[ferg21j in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Thank you for your replies. I never connected dissociation and feeling things were connected. Yes, I do have a therapist, I set up my first appointment on the 9th. I have to figure out how to make it there. I keep going to the gym. I keep pushing through to work and to be a mom. I just push.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to ferg21j]

good for you ferg, therapist. I need to do same!

Gym is fantastic. You are a mom, too. yeah, you have a lot. Baby steps.

Don't forget to put you first so you can be there for your husband and child….do whatever seems to feel right, I ask myself all day, ok, God, what next?

We are all struggling and trying to help one another, hard, and much of time, I feel clueless, but do go through periods of no feeling when I dissociate as well and understand this.

What helps me to feel the best and feel my feelings is going to mountain and walking. So all of the feelings can just kind of gently ooze out each step I take with the birds comforting me…

what comforts you?

Hoping the therapists can help us ever so slowly, process some of the bad feelings and then we can feel safe to feel again

xxooxx

[ferg21j in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I have had a busy week and weekend. Reading or singing comforts me. I feel that getting out of my world helps me. It’s my hopes and dreams to have a world I don’t want to run away from but right now that’s all I have. It’s horrible to say but true.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to ferg21j]

reading and singing are great. Sometimes I read too. Comforting ourselves is so important.

I feel that way every day honestly, I want to run away, but there is no where to run, so I just keep taking next step and comforting myself any way I can.

Taking time outs is so good, walking, going somewhere 'kind of away' Prayer. Journal. cats. meditation.

eating treats. Cannot believe the difficulty, but then just try to relax some how. I get how ridiculously hard it is.

Each day is new and a fresh start, tiny baby steps is all I can do

when we can, probably need help from outside, need to get to therapists….but when we can…I am having trouble too getting there

Breathe, hang in there, I hope things get a tiny bit easier for bothxx

[Hidden]

Hi ferg21j:

I haven't read what the others have written yet, so forgive me I repeat.

For me, I cannot chase the happiness illusion. My goals are to be low stress and have peace or calm. That means to have the things I need within reach, and to have people around me who will not belittle me, berate me or abuse me: people I can trust and be at peace around. It means to have confidence and not be self conscious. It means to have a mission and to know I am of use to others.

I literally can breathe deeper and sleep better when these things happen. My voice is stronger and not strained. I guess that's called contentment rather than happiness.

Happiness for me would be the extras like traveling to exotic places.