Update on myself (trigger warning)

[statsattack]

I've started seeing therapy a few weeks ago. Has helped but what I realized is I am to damaged to be friends with my friend who pushed me away. Realized I was never taught to love with love but was taught to love with control from my mom. Instead of knowing how to love and trust which I sure as hell wasn't taught from my mom I went back to what I know and loved by being controlling ( but wasn't intentional)

To my friend who will never see and read this I am sorry for being controlling. I am sorry I was never taught how to love because it meant losing you. You were the first person who taught me how to love and forever greatful. I know it's to late but wish there was a way I could get better and press restart

[Lizbett]

Ahh, yes thank you. Am late with my reading: I just read your last post relating to love and how you felt betrayed when your friend left and how all you wanted was to be loved. That particular post spoke volumes to me.

There's no real reason why your friend can't see how you feel. You could of course send it to her but if you do, be 100% clear regarding your real motives to both her and yourself. Do not send it if you expect something in return because you are now on your own journey towards healing.

I wish you peace.

[Hidden]

It is a big step to go to therapy. I am sorry to hear about your friend. Change is the only constant in this world. Sometimes friends come into my life to help me with one particular thing and then they leave. I wish it was not that way but I have found that it happens in my life. I want to be "good" all the time but with PTSD it is more difficult then most people. Being kind to myself is also more difficult than most people as well.