tw: sexual assault

[kyla101]

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so i haven't really talked about this out loud before but i think some of my PTSD issues may come from the fact that i was raped and molested several times. Can PTSD come from that? I guess i just don't trust people because its happened with my best friend (of the time), to different friends, classmates, an ex boyfriend, and people like my aunts boyfriend. Is that trust thing something that goes away with time and gets better? Or does it just stay like that forever? I think apart of me will always have that immediate thought that the person im with wont stop when i ask them to. It's something i just wish i would get over

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Have you asked your doctor this question? Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? The doctor should have given you enough information about PTSD and should have been able to identify why you have PTSD. But the short answer is of course!

I don't mean this to sound harsh but a good doctor should have given you information, if your doctor didn't then I would respectfully suggest looking for another doctor. For me I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and I am in therapy with a psychologist weekly. I see the dr three weekly all appointment with the dr are an hour and the therapist minimum of an hour but sometimes runs over. I'd suggest you also find a good therapist to work with.

[tyzack]

Of course PTSD can be a result of this. I was raped a few years ago and developed PTSD as a result. I was diagnosed & treated by a psychiatrist/neurologist. I agree with Lindy Loo. Have you been diagnosed by a doctor? Are you being treated for PTSD?

If you do have PTSD or even suspect you might have it seeing a qualified professional is the first step. And yes, if you have seen a doctor this should have been explained to you.

As far as trust issues of course you would have them! That would be a normal reaction to what you have been thru.

The good news is, with the proper care, my PTSD is now almost gone & I can trust again. If I can recover than you can too. But, I couldn't have done it alone.

[bobvanbc]

when i read this i noticed a confused or just confusing use of words. i suggest you need to read more in general, and study your subjects extensively. you used the word "happened", when i think what was DONE needs to be identified to offenders and owned separately, to establish clear boundaries and your sense of identity more.

when see the word "trust", i think about what PARTS of a person's behaviour were signaling an assault or inappropriate (not overtly invited) behaviour, not a general CONTRACT or AGREEMENT spoken or unspoken that implies open season on you in a too general way. of course in many instances there was no way to know what was coming but now, you have extensive experience, and in this respect know more than many others about exploitation and assault, about sick sexual bullies, pedophiles, manipulators, narcissists, and more. you could help others if you get a notion to, socially, personally, and professionally as well. one book for example, codependant no more may help you to understand better what benefits exist potentially and which risks to your complete safety could exist in the context of helping yourself and/or others. there are good books about establishing and maintaining heathy boundaries. also, in no way am i trying to be doctrinaire , implying that you are a "fool" or "a" anything. you are a child of god and deserve compassion, consideration and respect - i am a complex person simply passing on some things i regard as fairly central to the struggles involved to find resolution and healthy power , and peace. and people who have been hurt can have "bad" , mean thoughts and even develop odd fantasies or desires, but understanding how our mind and spirit process and make decisions helps us all to improve ourselves and our relations to others, and there is NO limit to what you can accomplish no matter how miserable or disadvantaged you may feel, so i am not talking to an insignificant victim, but a complex and many layered, private individual - a positive mystery of creation - YOU, someone i have not met and will never judge , limit or wish to.

i expect offenders try to make victims feel they were "asking" for "it "and "whining" when it's just been done - they are trying to minimize their wrongdoing when the victim is being driven WAY too far from any sort of comfort zone. yes, get help and i hope things improve immensely in how you feel , and i hope you are getting a good sense of what sorts of people and their behaviors which indicate danger of getting enmeshed with socially, physically , emotionally.

And to help yourself grow and develop AWAY from powerlessness and confusion - i would emphasize here that you MUST study these matters thoroughly to help open up to positive change and support and as importantly to shut doors that allow predators to get close in such ways that still allow you to LIVE your life IN the world which YOU co own...

many victims will have fear , shame , and feel confusion because sometimes they feel sexual arousal mixed with fear and misgivings - regret and guilt - and don't fully YET grasp that normal adult relations can be supported by you , allowing you when ready to have sex that is in a nice setting of mutual respect and kindness at all stages , ideally. one thing that occurred to me was that adults, the sexes - and is explained in some of the good literature on relations/relationships commonly "fight". this is explained and shown that fighting (mentally , verbally, expressively and even physically) and that the Art of relating and getting our personal needs met involves learning to find good people that we can differ with, argue , debate with and make healthy demands "SAFELY".

DO of course be a little careful with this idea as i wouldn't want you to play fight for example with the wrong person, letting them construe that you provoked an assault. i suggest you study and practice the relational principles of safe and constructive conflict, with compassion and empathy on both sides where two meet. it is a major factor in a real and healthy courtship or relationship.

that is all i have at this time. take care gentle spirit, and know there are immense riches of joy and discovery within each one of us and all emotions come and go - allow and sometimes help us to "grow".

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer in reply to bobvanbc]

There was one sentence in your reply that really spoke to me.  I too have used the term this happened to me.  Your rephrasing of it to this was done to me made me immediately feel some relief.  Yes if it's done to you there the blame belongs with the doer.  I will be , as a result of what you've posted, be changing my mindset to this was done to me not this happened to me.  So thanx for that.

[JDJ23To28AND1-2]

I HAVE PRAYED FOR YOU... BEEN A FEW PLACES MYSELF ... THERE'S HEALING ... KING OF THE JEWS <3 GOD ONLY, KNOWS WHY - I WROTE THAT PHRASE; I FIND IT HELPS ME, ON THE CROSS, AND O... AND ALL THE STORIES; ... I'M NOT TOO ASHAMED, NOR AFRAID, BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BE PHYSICALLY EVEN ALIVE, OR .. ANY OTHER WAY I KNOW OF (100%) FOR SURE, DEFINITELY NOT SPIRITUALLY, IF NOT FOR THIS STORY, AND SEVERAL REVELATIONS, VISITATIONS, AND HEARING THE WORDS OF JESUS, MEETING THE LORD, GETTING GIVEN FAITH FROM HIS 'LORD FATHER', AND MORE, FROM GOD, AS DESCRIBED IN THE KING JAMES BIBLE, JOHN 1 V-1 TO 14, AND MORE, + [RESPECTFULLY] KING JAMES OLD VERSION 1 JOHN CHAPTER 5 ... VERSE 7, MAYBE VERSE 6). I FIND IT HARD TO DESCRIBE HIM, AS I HAVE COMPLEX 'TRIP-WIRING', KIND'A SIMILAR TO A PERSON WHO'S GROWN UP IN A COMPLEX-CULT WHERE 'they' WIRE YOU, SO THAT COMPLEX MENTAL TORMENTS, EVEN SOMETIMES 'PHYSICAL REACTIONS', FROM CRYING TO RUNNING OFF SOMEWHERE AND GETTING HURT, HAPPEN, WHEN YOU SAY ONE KEY 'WORDS' / 'words' being said by individuals, who are cruel and don't care. BUT I LOVE GOD, AND HE LOVES US, ... this isn't just a STORY TO ME; THIS IS MY LIFE, WHO I AM ... I'M SORRY, that IFEEL TIRED and unDISCERNING, AS I find IT 'TORTUROUS' TO TYPE, AND I'VE PROBABLY 'typed' A LONG enough 'post'. I DIDN'T MEAN IT TO BE ANYWHERE THIS LONG .. MY TRUST WAS SUPERNATURALLY HEALED, and then got 'broken (somewhat") again. I KNOW HEALING IS POSSIBLE, SO I DECIDE TO WAIT, AND NO,... I'M NOT Having Sex At The 'moment' ... This season of my life... +sigh... AND MY MEMORY AND DISCERNMENT are 'damaged', so I Need God To Remind Me, Anything, Like The Revelations, To Write Things DOWN,... WHERE TO 'get Strength From, Why I'm here,.. and To SOMETIMES TALK ME OUT OF 'dark thoughts', ... ... more,... and he does, MY GOD IS SO FAITHFUL,... EVEN THE 1 GOD, THE FATHER, THE WORD, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT [IT SAYS GHOST, IN THE OLD KING JAMES, THE TWO WORDS APPEAR TO BE USED, .. DESCRIBING THE SAME PERSON] OUT OF 1 JOHN 5, VERSE 7, ... IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL, EVEN WHENI FELL... OOPS... FEEL AFRAID, I JUST PUSHED THROUGH 'ONE OF MY tripwires', i'm in a lot of pain now... I also was being attacked by demons, while typing, I WANT TO REST, BUT ALL I KNOW IS I WANT TO HELP YOU, I FEEL EXPERIENCED, AND THE HOLY BIBLE IS LIVING 'GRAVITY FOR ME', I FEEL I'VE 'lived 92 years' IN my 29-year-old BODY, and I reaally feel feel 'anxious,' and I have to pee... LOVE YOU!

[JDJ23To28AND1-2 in reply to JDJ23To28AND1-2]

SORRY, I'M NOT ACTUALLY 'ASHAMED' OF THE GOSPEL … I just felt this incrTedible pressure, coming from a place of fear, that I shouldn't be in, When I Preach. I Felt Only An Inner Protection, And not "An Outer-One," facing three traumas, at once, including Thinking I Was Meant To Straight-Up, 'Full-On Tell You [The Gospel], When I Never Met You', that's gone so bad before, that I didn't want To physically live... Even though I had repented from worse state, for the 's' -word, not the 'four-'letter' one, I had Repented 'from that', but still, I just .. wanted to die, 4 years almost, Then God Healed me, then some satanist hurt me 'spiritually', when I was off my guard, I wasn't even preaching to him, I was... minding my own business, and then he came by and tried to curse my drink, scan my body for 'pregnancies', and my thoughts, So I Prayed 'The Blood Of Jesus Over:"(') I forget what, besides the drink, and if I was pregnant, any 'babies', maybe my mind, but the... I Just See The Lord Jesus The Christ, Loving You, I Was Sure I Saw Him Sweating Blood For You, And Saying More... But I don't know 'you can take THIS right All Now ...' so, for at least 'Your Sake,' if not mine. I haven't had time to to sort out sexual abuse because of problems like this. I haven't proccessed the death of my grandma, as I was super-worried, anxious about my friend almost ...getting a divorce, because The Lord Had Told Her To Stay with Him (The Man She Was Physicall) ...Goodnight. I miss you! I know, I 'never met You, Right', I feel exactly the Same lalmost, about ChIna... some PEOPLE IN THERE... I'm Sorry, But I'm Pretty sure I should go, I have Ninety-2 years wpth, wortg in 29… but I wanted To tell you, That Was A Brave ... Thing, A Very Brave Thing To Do, To ... Oops, sorry, I already Said "To"... I meant To Share about ... what you went through, it's never easy, I never trust in people, to be honest, they might earn 'some trust … ... ' with Me, but, I know that can go, jyat… I mean just like, an earthquake can hit WellingTonnTon, people are generally nice, to...whe... when you'reor ... someone's nice to them, the smon's nice to th, bt when they're not happy, they're not nice. Not unless A Miracle Happens. Sorry, I'm starting to feel 'unhappy', so I think my 'outer-Protections' are 'low', if 'not stripped', cause I fasted for a hard group of people... and preached I fought for 'the wrong people' so the devil never stops having them in the aatral-astral-rea, lm, realm, and tgey they keep bringing demons, it really is just hard To Be A Christian, Some days,... let alone live functipn... functional, nevee... nevermins... nw... n.m. normal,.. I Love God, Because He FIRST LOVED ME,... I, DEEP DOWN, TRUST HIM,... IT'S just the enemy keepsvtelling me, that I 'don't and don't love HIM, and …' you name it, 'apparently, I've done it,' only according to the demons, about 23,000 of them, and whoever thwy believe in ... It's the same with most othwr ppl... illusions, and I have this one problem: I 'find it hard to ignore things, any happening, some nearly impossible, if notimpossible, like if someonw .. someone does aoethin I mean something grossly wrong to someone es... else, and it's 'unnecessary' and also wasn't really 'deserved' but I have forgotten many things for now, ... I Will Remember, One Day, Be It The Lord's Will,?, Hopefully Still Phys. ALIVE... ON earth, And Not Way Later, ... I gotta go... not really allowed to socialize after 3a.m., sorry... With ... Love... sister In Christ Jesus

[Hidden]

Absolutely it can. Those are multiple traumas .. I am so sorry you had to experience these events

[Hidden]

Trust takes a long time to rebuild after trauma & assult.

Loss of trust is common after one has been violated multiple times.

[transpower]

No I have very serve PTSD for the same reason you are not alone hope you are ok