still having trouble

Hi. I don't really post here that often but I could use a little advice. I've gotten to a point in my treatment where I'm functioning pretty well, but I've noticed that I can't really connect to people anymore? I mean I can but it's not the same, sorta. It's like whenever I meet someone new, conversation is stunted and exhausting, and it was never like that before I had experienced my trauma. And I also hate being touched now ? I definitely didn't have that problem before. I was wondering if that's part of the whole 'PTSD thing' or I'm just going crazy. Also is there any way to really deal with that? I mean as for the touch thing I just kinda grit my teeth and bare it, but there's gotta be a better solution right? Any help would be much appreciated.

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  • I became the same way. I think it's normal to feel guarded after trauma and healthy too. I might be worried if after being hurt, someone jumped back into situations that might be harmful. I also think trauma can be a wake-up call for some--showing you life may not be as rosy as you once thought it was. This can be an unwelcome surprise. As with everything, there's a flipside. You might develop better boundaries, more trust in yourself, more compassion and more respect for yourself and others. Still, the loss is real. I often want to "go back" to the way things were. I want to exist in the world the way everyone else seems to. But I started drawing again, I bake and I'm learning how to use my sewing machine. I'm a better friend to myself than I've ever been. I mention this, not to mitigate or dismiss your feelings but to highlight that other gains in your life may have or might present themselves. There are many roads to happiness. Many.

  • Thanks, that really does help. I get what you're saying and I agree, I'm also way more comfortable with myself after everything. I just sometimes wish everyone didn't feel so distant, but I guess that's just part of the process? Anyways you're totally on point with the "many roads".

  • Ah! I totally felt that way too. Sometimes, I felt like a leper, or like I had another head! I don't know if it's part of the process. I know it sucks though. It's awful. Just know you're NOT a freak and you're NOT alone. You're still just as special and lovable as the day you were born. And I for one am glad you're here!

  • thank you so much. like honestly it means so much to me

  • Absolutely! I keep a picture of myself as a child next to my bed so whenever I feel hopeless or I beat up on myself, I remember that precious little girl. Helps me soften a bit and have some compassion.

  • thats really sweet actually

  • I too understand what you are talking about. Every interaction takes effort. But, I've begun to realize that almost everyone has some kind of social challenges. I just view my own more critically.

    I make a point of attending 2 different clubs each month. One is a book club and the other is a group of women who love their horses. Sometimes it takes real effort to go out and I'm usually tired the next day but it is good for me.

  • wow I agree with everything everyone has said. What I have come to realize, ( and believe me I don't have this down yet) We are different, life will never be like it was before. We see things different because, the world is a different place now. That doesn't necessarily mean that its all bad, it just means different. I don't know that , that awkward feeling in conversation really ever goes away though. Its like what I used to think was funny isn't any more, or what would maybe spark my interest in a conversation, doesn't. I can no longer engage in small talk, or conversations that are meaningless. As difficult as it is to even have a conversation with anyone anymore the ones I have had are just different. I think that we just have to be able to accept ourselves where we are. And believe me I'm no where close to having this down yet, infact it has probably added to my social anxiety, because like you said its exhausting. Just know that you are not alone, and hang in there. Big hugs <3

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