I hope

[peacefulandcalm]

I didn't upset people by my post a few posts ago when rage was coursing through me. I try to prevent getting to that point doing everything I can.

Sometimes I cannot. I get so scared and when the terror/fight or flight goes on for a while, I will dissociate and begin some monstrous rage that scares me too. Don't ever hurt people, actually spend my life trying to make people feel just a little more joy.

Although, occasionally if the adrenaline has been flowing for a while, and someone is not respectful towards me at that time, I will lash out in a split second in rage at them telling them what I think in a voice full of rage. Then maybe cry. Call a friend, tell them what happened.

I am so scared.

I guess it will all be ok. I know I need to stay calm. Talk to my friends. Stay in the moment.

Today, I will nurture myself, be gentle on myself, and take it moment by moment.

[WiseOwl]

Usually what underlies rage is hurt. It's like an Iceberg. Rage is above the water and hurt being what's underneath. I have been enraged by what has been done to me and I have acted out verbally. I try to stay mindful of my emotions and name them, and do some deep breathing exercises. It is a symptom of PTSD, but it is something you can work on.

It takes practice.

Best of luck

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to WiseOwl]

hi WiseOwl,

yes, hurt and many times powerless and terror. I am so hurt and feel powerless and afraid, the energy builds up, and then when I cannot sustain the feelings anymore, because they are too strong to deal with, I begin to dissociate and rage starts.

I now take an ativan and meditate when the first emotions start. Not easy no matter what I find.

I know it is part of PTSD, feeling trapped when our survival was or felt it was at stake. It replays again and again when triggers happen. I am working on it daily and it is so difficult.