ok, just briefly

[peacefulandcalm]

apts are too much for me, the noise all around, it is like a torture chamber because of my particular PTSD. Condos I guess are similar?

So townhome. On and on, too tired to get it all out.

Father could send some money so I can purchase townhome, cheap one and then I would have a home to live in since I have no idea what I am going to do.

But time pressure, I need to have my mother send letter to him explaining my need, then ask him to send money to her (buffer for me), then she sends it to me.

And the emotional terror of all that with my father is causing me to dissociate. Then after all that, do it all on my own, go out, look, buy quickly and move before next heat here in May.

Extreme stress. Dissociating and bump on the back of my spine getting bigger and more painful again.

More later

[kattalina]

I understand your distress s omehwhat and can relate to the not wanting to be in an apt. but just FYI, many townhomes are rentable. this is what i am and i LOVE IT. it is quiet and peaceful here and NO ONE BOTHERS ME. i get to control who visits me and what not. I am in IL. good luck with this and getting a place. i hope it somehow can work out for u!

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to kattalina]

thank you. I am thinking about renting too again, a townhome, cheaper and quieter or guest home. I will think about that too. Look at that too. So much. I feel so overwhelmed and scared but I will have to quiet myself down. I know I have to stay in the present.

[kattalina in reply to peacefulandcalm]

EFT...OR emotional freedom technique does wonders for just about any issue. I use if a LOT for myself. ....

[red85]

Go nice and slow. And think so so small. What is one thing you can do right now? Is it changing into a more comfortable position? Stretching your neck? Taking one nice, slow deep breath?

Sometimes I like to work backwards from the future catastrophe I envision. Think about what happens before that? And before that? And all the way back to where you are at this very moment.

There are some days when I am so overwhelmed that I lay frozen in bed just thinking of all the things I need to do and imagining how everything will play out. I have to concentrate on just stretching while I'm laying down then I say,"next, I'm going to sit up," next, I'm going to stretch again and get ready to stand. I'm serious, go that slow. I know it might seem ridiculous but you WILL do the things you need to do.

I think sometimes our brains are so far ahead in the future that we trip over our own feet trying to catch up. We end up feeling helpless and lying in a heap on the floor. Think about holding the hand of a toddler who's just learning how to walk and be as gentle and patient as you would for that little person.

First one foot, now the other. You're doing great.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to red85]

thank you. That is very helpful. The adrenaline is flowing and I know I must do what you talk about. Stay in the now.

[red85 in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Of course! And it's not easy--it takes a concerted effort and can be such an energy drain. But we need it some days. If it helps, just picture the kindest person you can think of, just full of patience, right next to you every step of the way and every time you take a step they tell you, "you're doing great." And when it's time to rest , they say,"wow, I know how hard that was for you and you did amazing. "

[PNIAuthor60 Major Contributor]

Sorry that you are undergoing so much stress, thanks for having the courage to post and give the rest of us the opportunity to care and listen. Adding you to my prayers.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to PNIAuthor60]

thank you PNIAuthor60.