scared again

[peacefulandcalm]

I am tired of it over and over.

I really wonder if I am going to make it and survive.

I have to have hope of course. And keep trying. Keep fighting. Resting. Trying new things to heal. Thinking positive. Having faith. Baby steps. Look at the positive. What I can do.

I know to slow it down now when I get too scared and begin to dissociate. Immediately take 1 mg of ativan, what I do for now. Then meditate or distract. I took the ativan tonight.

Got some stuff to discuss but too tired and too much is going on emotionally to even get it out.

I just feel alone, and very scared and worried about getting out of my home here before the heat comes with no ac. Unbearably ill last three years. Landlord will not replace, so have to think about a lot.

Need to discuss possibilities and options and then pick best one. More later , details.

Lots to discuss but too tired.

[red85]

Awe, I hear you. I know it can feel so unbearable at times! Sending you warm feelings and safety!

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to red85]

thank you very much.

[WiseOwl]

I do it on a regular basis, with triggers or with out. I am realizing how it has been one of the reasons I struggle with focusing when I try to do chores.

As soon as you start taking action to find another place things will change. Try to maintain your calm and work with baby steps.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to WiseOwl]

thank you WiseOwl.

I am wanting so much to ask the father as he said he would give the money so I can get a small place so I don't have to worry about a roof over my head. It is just that I have to follow through and with him, that means many times, emotional harmful words, saying no, he didn't say he would, or saying he will and changing his mind over and over while I am in terror.

I know baby steps. I just don't want to go through getting hurt and I feel trapped again.

Stay here, get horribly ill, unbearable PTSD. Not a good option. Ask him for the money, go through that hell, and then get on it soon to buy a small place.

Or go through the hell of renting again, more uncertainty, less stable, property management again who is triggering. If you get a nice one (not my experience ever in the past), it is ok. But my experience is that they are disrespectful and do not fix stuff and set me off over and over.

My father said he would help so I could get a small home years ago, but I have to go through that hell to get the help.

Trying to pick the best option.