Just when I thought I was getting better.

[jackie-wright]

I felt like for once things were starting to look up, But just when I started to think that, I go backwards. ( I Hate it) Around Oct. or Nov, I started to see a counselor. I don't trust easily, so I was quite surprised that we hit it off like we did and I just love her. Do to financial reasons I was only able to see her for a few months before I had to stop. While I was seeing her, I was also put on meds. ( Bupropion) (hopefully to eliminate, or slow down some of the ptsd symptoms) At the time my symptoms were off the charts and it was making me and everyone close to me crazy. So I did what I could to try to continue to move forward. I actually thought I was doing much better. The jumpiness , paranoia, sleeplessness, bad dreams, and self harm had gotten much better. I was getting triggered a lot less. Due to my church I was actually able to start seeing my counselor again a week ago. Then on Sun. for no reason I get triggered and have an emotional flashback, which out of all my symptoms, to me that one is the worst. It makes me feel completely powerless, helpless, and out of control . But the thing that really gets me is because its an emotional flashback, there's no memory that goes with it. As much as I try to remember, its just not there. I just want to go back to the way I was before. I know Michele talks about actually being able to completely heal from ptsd. But also says that you will never be the same person that you were before. I was really hoping that I had seen the last of the worst of it. I realize the more stressed I am, the worse the symptoms are. I guess im just tired ,wanting and hoping that it would just stop.

[tyzack]

I too think everything's going really well then suddenly bam! I'm back to something I thought I was past. Very discouraging. Then I read Michelles comments about recovery not being a straight road. Sort of a 2 steps forward, one step back sometimes & that it's perfectly normal. That it's simply how recovery works & to not be discouraged by it.

Easier said than done. I felt like I had been doing something wrong or was missing something & it helped to know I wasn't. Even when I feel like I took a step backwards that I am still moving forward always. Even when it doesn't feel like it. When I feel like I'm going backwards I try to tell myself that this too shall pass because in reality it eventually does. I hope you feel better soon. I too would love to be done with it all. But I am getting there one step at a time. You are too.

[Hidden]

I've had the same experience...and more than once. As a matter of fact just this week I had one of these backward steps. I had really not experienced any triggers or flashbacks for some weeks so I was thinking they were a thing of the past. Then this Sunday when a friend of mine and I were visiting a new church, I totally freaked out when they got to that point where they pause the service and all turn to each other in greeting.

What I have heard here from others is that there is a lot of buried emotion, and it obviously cannot all come out at once. Each time we reach another level of feeling safe, it allows more of those buried emotions to surface.

So perhaps your experience is not a sign of sliding backward, but instead a signal that you are moving forward.

[Hidden]

I agree with the others that have replied. I get very disappointed when another thing is uncovered and I experience my PTSD symptoms again but I have found that is part of the process. They come and go for me. I want to heal so badly and I am willing to do just about anything to heal completely but thus far I have not gotten the complete healing. I have definitely progressed and most days that is ok with me. Keep walking forward. At least you are walking with a good bunch of people on this forum. It is much better to do it together than alone. I think.