self hatred

[nessa3]

Ive struggled with self hatred a good portion of my life...because of the verbal abuse growing up..But the last two years Ive struggled with cutting issues...I could understand struggling when everything was going wrong...but at times there wouldnt be any reason I could tell.

But today I saw it was self hatred...do to my age....

Ive always been very healthy fit ated well...but when menapause hit and everything goes south, no matter what you do ....hormones are against you..dont have the energy, I can diet, and the weight stays, you bag and sag and wiggle and jiggle.....Other things like cant keep up the pace I use to ...on and on you get the picture...

The messages of perfection ...add to the load ...I use to be able to out run or stuff,deflect some of it...but not anymore...Its there staring me in the face ....any little thing just puts me into a tail spin .... of anger at self and depression.

[Hidden]

Good for you, nessa3, to talk about these issues! Verbal abuse can really tear down the self esteem, can't it? It was terrible for me, and I've struggled with this same thing - other people thinking I was a nice guy, but because of the messages in my head - put their by family - I didn't get it.

I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing here! I think you'll find lots of wonderful people, and support.

[Hidden]

nessa3,

This is my number one issue. I think it is very strange that I barely see the people that abused me but I carry that inner critic with me where ever I go. I am relentless. I do not deserve the negative thinking but when my mind drifts I will end up thinking of something negative to think about myself. It is really irritating. to say the least. I have had spans of positive self image but since my divorce the negativeness has returned. I wish you luck with yours. Please let me know if you find a good way to combat the negativity.

[maggymax]

This will sound weird, nessa3, but you sound like you are in a place where you can start to process your issues. I always think of people who get into car accidents and are laid up in hospital for many months. Although they have done "nothing" for all that time, because they have been forced to stop their lives temporarily, many seem to come out of that experience with renewed clarity and focus about who they are and what they are meant to do in their lives. Reaching out here should put you in touch with others who understand your frustration, your current place and I am willing to bet we all know a fair bit about self-hatred. Cutting suggests you need a professional guide. Seek far and wide for someone who specializes in this issue. It suggests your pain is very deep indeed and your coping skills limited. Not non-existent but limited. Get rid of the perfectionism that sabotages you. You are perfect now. You are enough now. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

[nessa3 in reply to maggymax]

Thanks for the encouragement... I am seeing a therapist...At times things are good then get blind sided... I use to have very good coping skills...Im just worn down...and dont bounch back very well lately.