I fear my own body and body sensations

[Adamj]

at this point I really fear everything going on in my body I notice everything and it freaks me out I try deep breathing I’ve tried other things but I’m literally fearful of my own body and I constantly feel this impending doom feeling and feeling like I’m gonna die right there. It’s so frustrating and scary. I can’t even relax anymore. I notice every weird sensation like the fear coming over me the anxiety coming over me random parts of my body getting cold I notice when I’m slightly dizzy or when my brain doesn’t think right I literally notice everything and it’s hell. No one seems to understand especially the chest pains are hell and everything that has to do with my chest because I’m so focused on my heart. And getting dizzy and feeling woozy out of no where is scary like I’ve had my BP taken while feeling like that and my BP was actually high

[Starrlight]

Your description of what you are going through does sound frustrating and scary. Does it keep getting worse? I have not gone through all you go through but I have felt the impending doom feelings before. It’s actually so difficult to describe. To me it’s like an unknown scary occurrence that is making its way closer to me and my family and I can’t identify what but that something is very wrong and I just feel trapped and helpless to stop it. And it’s hard to think straight and hard to not act awkward and it’s like I am in my own little scary world.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

yes it definitely feels like I’m in my own scary world anymore it’s sad I can’t even explain it half the time and most don’t understand or think I’m crazy and can just get over it. People don’t realize that if we could just get over it we would I hate suffering like this I’d do anything to be able to go for a drive go to a store get a job again spend time with family and be happy. I’m stuck in my room most the time and even then I don’t feel safe ugh

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

I forgot if you see a therapist… what does he/she say about all of your suffering?

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

well my first therapist that I was seeing for years and stopped for a little and went back to when this all started just screamed at me literally screamed at me that it’s just anxiety and take the pills. My most recent therapist just mostly says just hang in there or yeah that’s classic anxiety or just sit with your thoughts and feelings

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

I’m sorry to hear of the first unhelpful therapist and it sounds like she needs therapy for anger issues and it was wrong of her to treat you that way… the second one sounds unhelpful too… it may make sense to sit with the thoughts and feelings for some but in your case I imagine you could try making the sensations and feelings change by sitting with them but if it keeps up then what do you do?! which I imagine it all keeps up. I really wish I knew what to do because I really care… I never knew what to do when I was having bad sensations.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

thank you for caring it does mean a lot. Just frustrated and I know people think I don’t do anything to try and better myself but I’m literally paralyzed most the time most don’t understand that

[Adamj]

I really cannot handle any of these feelings and sensations anymore feeling like I’m out of it my reality jumping my body feeling weird freaking out about my health and how I feel

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

I’m so sorry Adam. I recall being really desperate at points of times in my life and I somehow got through them. A friend told me when I wanted out she said to keep trudging along. I don’t know why but it helped. I just felt so close to giving up but I trudged for a really long time until I got out of desperation. I tell you this so that you maybe might have hope that the way you feel won’t be like this forever. Things change and we change and the way we deal with things change remember. My body used to act up in the strangest ways but not any more … less pain and less weird sensations.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

did your sensations and such feel scary too?

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

sometimes… at times I would feel like something or someone was touching parts of my body, and at times I could not be touched even lightly because it could start to hurt and trigger a lot of hurtful sensations that were like bad memories and scary also Id get really bad aches and pains all over my body. Tightness in my muscles holding everything in.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Adam,

I am so sorry you are suffering with so many physical symptoms. Sometimes trauma/stress/extreme anxiety can affect the nervous system in such a way that there can be physical manifestation with serious symptoms.

I had gone through that, was feeling physically ill, not realizing I had trauma as I didn't have any mental health symptoms other than lack of sleep/nightmares. I went through tests in the hospital, they didn't find anything. I was young and fit so it was very odd. It followed a trumatic event and I kind of discarded it thinking "I am okay".

It is very complex and understanding various things might help.

It is possible that witnessing someone else's illness might be scary to the extent of a shock and after that you might be subconsciously hypervigilant to make sure that you are okay, your body works all right.

Most of the time the body takes care of itself and you get the signals like when you get tired, hungry, hot/cold etc. The body regulates itself but of course not always.

Stress can interrupt things and manifest itself physically.

There isn't a quick solution. I think looking at the body as a whole, psychologically and physically, is the best option. Having a range of different activities, therapy, and various kinds of physical movement with social interaction, might be reassuring and helping you feel safe. It might be some other thing like art or music or perhaps nature.

I know it is hard to find energy when you are struggling and feeling ill. It is a struggle to change something in the way we function after a shock/trauma.

Be patient with yourself and I think self compassion also helps. Knowing you can't help it, it is happening in your body, you are doing all you can.

Healing intention does matter - just the fact that you want to get better already counts in my opinion and experience.

Take good care of yourself, you are very important and hope you will find things that work. We are in this together so any tips and support is helping not just you but me and others on here as well...

[Adamj in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you I guess I just feel insane for how I feel and how severe it is for me. Most don’t understand me especially family they just tell me oh you go through something and curl up into a ball which in my opinion and research is a pretty normal response but they just tell me to get over it and just say to myself I’m not taking this anymore and fight it. I wish it was that simple when there’s that horrible impending doom over me that’s super scary and doesn’t make sense then I get told I’m putting myself into this when I try and explain that I don’t have control over it I don’t at all I take deep breaths I lay flat on my back on the floor to try and ground myself which seems to be the only thing that slightly helps but what am I supposed to do when I’m out in public freaking out feeling like ima die lie down in the middle of an aisle lol

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

Hi Adam

There are people that do understand what we experience but we have to find them.

Even medically trained people that we may cross paths with don't all understand the depth of what is happening to us.

The fears and the symptoms are real and very disruptive to our quality of life. Some may say it's " just anxiety" I think those are people that may not have PTSD. There is more depth to what is happening to us and why.

It's very evident that you are trying to process all this. You are not giving up and that's something to be proud of.

We are all here for each other. It's so important to know you have a safe place.

🐬

[Adamj in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you I want to figure out why it’s so severe for me

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Adamj]

There is so much depth to the brains role in this. Think about reading the book

The body keeps the score

Reading the explanation for all this made me feel better. Learning how my body was going about trying to protect me was an eye opener.

Keep it in mind. Someday you may want to read some of it

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

I have that book I haven’t read it yet. It’s a great idea.

[Dolphin14 Moderator in reply to Starrlight]

Star

I just finished it. I can't believe how much I learned. I highly recommend it

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

awesome

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

have You read the book the body keeps the score?

Trauma unprocessed is definitely stored in the body or that was my experience if it.

It is very scarey when this plays out in the body but we need to check out with a doctor any new symptoms we experience because it may be something other than stored trauma.

I hope you manage to get a doctor to check You over and diagnose anything that may be there. If it’s trauma response what I learned along the way was the only way out is through. I had to process that trauma so it did not continue to play out in my body.

[Adamj in reply to Lindyloo53]

thank you yeah I’ve been checked out and all they say is stress and anxiety. Many heart tests done and blood tests basically all normal

[JodiJeakins]

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Wondering if you have ever tried neurofeedback? It’s a device that corrects unwanted behavioral patterns in the brain and helps restore it back to optimal function. Many trauma therapists recommend it for their patients. If you’re interested in learning more, I can refer you to my friend who uses it everyday and can tell you more.

[ashleybakerr01]

I understand this too well.. I too freak out at any little different sensation. The random chest pains I get, the random dizziness, makes me freak out thinking something is wrong with me. I am also stuck in my room all the time anymore because of it, and I also still don't really feel safe. I don't know what's causing it either. But it's very miserable

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to ashleybakerr01]

I am sorry, Ashley.

It is not uncommon and there are reasons why it is happening. If you are interested to read more, there are books on trauma by Bessel van der Kolk and books on somatic experiencing by Peter Levine. They explore the somatic link - why our bodies get impacted and why some of us can experience physical symptoms. There is nothing wrong with you, this is how the body reacts to a threat.

For long term trauma, like childhood trauma, Pete Walker has several books.

I understand not feeling safe, very well. It is hard to feel safe if the default is "unsafe", especially if it lasts a long time.

The more experiences of feeling safe, the more your brain will remember it and create more neural pathways.

It could be something small that can give you even a short relief, everything counts.

I used to hold on specific memories of feeling safe and I tried to recall them and hold on to them to get me through stress and when I needed extra courage.

Finding compassionate and understanding therapist, with whom you can achieve feeling safe, can help find a new way.

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks for the response. Where could i find the books? And i have a therapist, but it doesnt seem to be doing me any good..maybe a different one would?