Sitting With Grief

[red85]

I joined this forum for some support, I feel so alone sometimes and just want someone to hold me. Since no one else is home, I am sitting with my bf's dog in my lap. He is good comfort but I really want someone to tell me everything is going to get better. I want to feel better.

[MicheleR Founder]

That's a great thing to do. Some days during my recovery the only positive thing I could muster was a cuddle with my dog. Science proves this small action reduces blood pressure, lowers cortisol and decreases stress, so it's a good move.

That having been said, yes, it is possible to feel better. We each have to find our own unique brand of healing but when you do it's often very possible to reverse trauma's effects, reduce or even eliminate symptoms, and shift yourself from powerless to powerful and right into a life and self that feels good to you.

Sometimes sitting with an emotion like grief is the best thing to do: see if you can imagine yourself as a pitcher full of grief and just tilt the pitcher, sitting very still for as long as it takes for the liquid to spill out.

This moment will pass. Pet the dog. Be in the present and keep your eye on a better future. You can do this. And we're here for you.

[red85 in reply to MicheleR]

Thank you so much

[Tazzy2]

Animals are such a comfort and I am sure if he could speak would tell you that everything will, one day, be better. Until then, and whenever you need us, he and the forum are here for you.

[red85 in reply to Tazzy2]

Thank you

[healed777]

I dont know what I would do without my cat.. when im in pain..stomach pain. He come and lays on my stomach..like he knows I need warmth..

[AbideinLove Pioneer]

I understand how you feel. I have so much grief too. So much loss...and lonely feelings. It feels very overwhelming at times.

However, things are getting better. They are better than three years ago. I have more hope of recovery than I did back then. So I know things can get better for you too!

I am glad you reached out to us. Keep us posted on how you are doing. People here really care about one another. We are in this boat together. Welcome aboard!

[red85 in reply to AbideinLove]

Thank you!

[texascountry]

that is what i let my dog do for me cause he dont like it when i get upset or when i have an attack

[Diana_DID Pioneer]

Hi red85,

That's so great you have a mans best friend - dog! I can understand your wanting and needing the verbal validation that everything will be ok and in time it will be ok and this too shall pass.

For myself personally when i use to feel our grief I would have certain alters tell us exactly what it was we needed to hear. the bonus of this was that we knew exactly what words we needed to hear and in what order, if we wanted a warm gentle hug to go with it, or if we wanted a part of ourselves just to stroke our own forehead and hair like a mother would to a child. We also chose if we wanted to hold a teddy for younger alters, a pillow for older alters, if we wanted dim lights to providing comfort aswell as soft and gentle music in the background so we could release our grief and be held and comforted by ourselves. For us its just like someone else externally doing it as an alter needs that and when we realase we will not get it externally we go internally and provide to one another. I know this may sound wierd and odd, but it helped in the past and still does now. Even if we just want to hold our own hand when laying in bed as hubby is no there. Its still comforting to know we are not alone as the hands symbolise connection. WHatever works I say no matter how bizarre it may sound to another. We had to learn all those tools of recovery and self love and to give to ourselves what no other could in our time of need. To make sure it was a safe and secure environment and experience in order to help the alters come out and experience love for the first time and some healing too. Ironically as you could imagine the tears would just flow and the connection deep within would be made through their acceptance. I still have very fond and loving memories of htem coming to our rescue in our time of need.

In the end we realised it didnt matter who it came from as long as we got what we needed and longed to hear so we could heal and recover as best as we could in that moment of time, till the next cycle of grief.

I am sure you will find your way, and when your boyfriend came home I sincerely hope you got the love, comfort, reassurance to be held and told all will be ok. Its ok to be sad and that your safe now in his arms. I hope you got some of that and if not more as its what you deserve.

I know one thing about recovery is that it does all get better with time, hard work, dedication, motivation, commitment to self etc. Hang in there you've hit a bump in the road that could be a very strong healing moment in your recovery.

Wishing you all the best and lots of hugs and support.

[Hidden]

I am recently divorced so most of my time at home is alone. I have experienced a large portion of grief that was triggered from my break up of my wife and my two children. I found that I also experienced some grief from my past as well. I can not say that the grief was any fun but there is an end to it. I kept wondering if I ever would get to the other side of what I call the "dark times". For me, there was a "light time" after the "dark time". The grief comes and goes every now and then but for the most part I think I have walked through it. There were many days that I just wanted a hug. Years ago, I moved from my close friends and family so I was not able to receive any hugs but I did have a cat. I think the cats in my life have been little angels sent from a positive being. Even during my childhood, I had a cat to lay on my chest and purr away during lonely times. Animals have given me the comfort I needed in difficult times. I am so glad that you, red85, have an animal to comfort you. It is a good thing to sit with grief for a while as long as you do not get stuck in it. Keep posting here. It really helps to get through difficult times.

[cellopure1]

I think I know how you feel red85. Your words expressed are exactly how I feel, as well. I hope you feel better soon.

[red85 in reply to cellopure1]

Thank you