Grief and jealousy? Huh?

Grief and jealousy? Huh?

I'm sitting in a puddle of grief today. Not much was done. I had a touch of jealousy at some news. I didn't know that grief and jealousy could go together. It can. It's hard to celebrate others, when I haven't received the help I expected. Then again, did I ask? The expectation of the old me is to get up and get with it. The changed me, struggles daily and has to say I need time. It's hard to celebrate love, when I buried my love just a few months ago. It's difficult to celebrate some things when my mind is trying to wrap around all of the losses. It's a weird place to be. Tradition says suck it up and keep on moving. Grief says take it slow; feel to heal. I'm not the jealous type but I did find comfort in reading a blog today by a woman who experienced the grief/jealousy combination. After reading her blog, I felt a flicker of light in a dim place.

8 Replies

  • Sorry to hear you're in a lot of grief today, PoeticOvercomer. Sounds like your loss wasn't that long ago, and when I was in that place, the pain sometimes just came out of nowhere. I agree with taking it slow, and feeling to heal! Easy to say from over here, but difficult when you're in the middle of it.

    Grief and jealousy - I hadn't thought about it before, but yes, I can see where those two emotions have intersected for me. Others are in a different place, and I'm jealous that I'm having to deal with losses while they experience successes. Makes sense.


  • Thanks Dan!

  • This is all perfectly normal, PoeticOvercomer. That doesn't make it any less painful. When we lose a loved one it is hard to see others still enjoying the companionship that you just lost. In fact, your senses are heightened and you notice it more. It may even seem that people are flaunting it in front of you, even though you know they are not.

    It sounds like your intellect is fighting with your gut feelings. Your head is fighting with your heart. That's normal too. Go with your heart. Take the time you need to grieve.

  • Thanks HealingArtist! I took the time today and it was good. Thanks again.

  • Tradition in this case, is over-rated. Grief is grief. It can't (and shouldn't) be rushed and it sure can't be wished away or buried without paying a massive price. You weren't very specific, but from what you did say, it makes me want to ask you somethings. How in the world would you expect NOT to feel jealous when you feel unresolved yourself? You want to move on. Society wants you to move on- I so get that. But you can't because you haven't gotten to that place yet. You just buried your love a few MONTHS ago? If you loved this person, you expect that you should be feeling happy for others when you are in such pain and after such a short amount of time?

    Grief is loved turned inside out. You will grieve as you loved the person. Regardless of the circumstances, you thought that the person would be here to share your life, and they aren't. That takes more than a few months to get used to. That old saying "Time heals all wounds" is total bullspit. BUT. What time does, is lend some perspective and the opportunity to experience what we feel without sweeping it under the rug.

    PLEASE. Find yourself a therapist that specializes in grief work that can help you learn to deal with these feelings and validate you. You are NOT crazy for feeling hurt and jealous when others are happy and it feels like your world was nuked. Please. Get the help you need and deserve.

    Warm hugs to you

  • Thank you for the comforting words. They helped me to have a better day.

  • Hi, I support you. As our thinking runs in circles in our minds, so do our feelings...

    only when you put on your own oxygen mask first, you can celebrate with others...

  • Love this ubsparkles. Thanks so much for sharing. I put on the mask today and I am feeling good. Thanks so much for the link and your support.

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