My soldier....

[shellienhersoldier]

I just started dating a guy who spent 15 months in Afghanistan. He talks a little about things and what happened. He can admit his big problem was he never had a moment to grieve. He only sleeps 4 hours a night because of nightmares where he either wakes up sweating like crazy or crying... i know not to push him and make him talk. But I don't want him carry this grief forever either. Any advice? I guess I should also throw in that his wife was pregnant while he was there and "dear john"ed him ... they've been divorced for 2 years now but he still has a lot of anger about that too.... I'm just not sure if there is more I should be doing or if being there is enough. I don't judge him for it he's been thru so much and I just want to help.

[689908]

I know what those nightmares are like. I also know what it is like to split with your partner when they are pregnant. Both very unpleasant.

All I can tell you is what I would like and it is exactly how you are behaving. A softly softly approach with the offer of talking about it rather than pushing him. Once he trusts you I imagine he will talk more.

You are also doing the right thing by checking with people here.

[shellienhersoldier in reply to 689908]

Thank you for responding. I have/had ptsd from a traumatic event in my childhood. But it's something I've learned to cope with now as an adult. Sometimes I feel so helpless with him... i want to hold him but I'm scared to touch him... tho he responds well and calms faster once he realizes I'm there and it's not all really happening again.

[Dogmom]

I highly recommend therapy dogs for soldiers with PTSD. I work for military and also have ptsd....the dogs can do amazing healing.....there are many programs that provide dogs to veterans if interested I can help connect you to some. I get the anger part and the betrayal.... The dogs calm and give such unconditional love...can comfort the nitemares...help avoid or protect when a person is triggered.....I can't speak highly enough of their healing powers.

[Palomineo Pioneer]

Yes i highly recomend a therapy dog for your friend!

Id also recomend against talking too much about things that remind or trigger him... Ive found this to be highly unproductive and perhaps detremental...

Remember...he lived this stuff,... talking about it is only good if he is not gonna trigger. The pain of the trigger is unwelcome.

Sometimes he can talk a little then stop/change the subject without being triggered. It is a very positive thing to do! Dont push to keep him talking!

He may need to read this to realize he can do this!?