Want to shut myself away

I joined here a few months ago. I felt at the time that I had symptoms of ptsd. Since then I've seen my Dr and told him everything from my abusive husband to how do I cope alone.

Well, the moment finally arrived yesterday. My husband pushed it too far and I snapped. It was horrible. I felt like I was reliving the whole experience of ten years ago when he became I'll with ms and started to get abusive. I blame myself for staying with him for all the abuse my children have taken from him and not just mental. I feel like the world has crashed around me. Right now I want to go and curl up in bed and not wake up. I feel so alone and panicked. I need to know where to start. Divorce etc. Trek me im not alone!

7 Replies

  • Sorry I wrote this on my phone in a hurry so my predictive made it look stupid in parts.

  • Totally understandable about the phone -- happens to all of us!

    You're not alone. The confusion that you feel today about what to do is the starting place for every one of us when it comes to healing and creating change in the PTSD lifestyle.

    Right now it sounds like a close and trusted friend/family member who knows you and your situation could be most helpful in helping you identify your options (what choices do you have for next steps?) and figuring out what actions to take (and in what order), plus who can help you move through the sequence of change.

    The forum can also be a great place to post your thought process and feel the support of those who understand what it means to reach the day where you decide: "There's got to be another way."

    We're with you....

  • Thanks for your support. :-)

  • It's so critical that you do not shut yourself away! The hardest part of living with PTSD is reaching out for help. I understand that need to curl up and die. I have been where you are now. Please continue to post here because we are all in recovery together!

  • What I'm finding hard is he just upped and left us. He saw his own son on the train and ignored him.

  • Hello sister

    You are not alone. I do hear you and I am glad your reached out. I know I tend to awful ice things . Those cognitive distortions in my reliefs and those stressful thoughts get better as Work though these type issues. When that fight or flight stress response kicks in I often feel like I want to go hide too. But that was what I did when I was a child. I am wanting to become a functional adult and not stay a wounded lil boy. We can learn new coping strategies here in this safe community. Your doing great and your reaching out and asking for help on this group. That is what healthy functional people do. Relax sister. Breathe. Breathe. It's ok we are all together now. We will make it. Just stay in today. Take one day at a time. Drop the bat you have in your hand. Pick up a feather instead. Thanks for a great post. I am sending healing energy and prayers your way.

  • Thank you. That's really kind. The last day or so have been awful. He finally left yesterday, my bank locked our joint account and I had no money to get food. So I argued and fought for about four hours until I won and got my money. It felt good. But this morning iwas driving into town and suddenly tears were falling down my face. I parked and went into the shop and bought what I needed, as I bent down to the lowest shelf I felt my emotions getting to me again. I felt like just sitting on the floor and crying. By the time I got to pay the woman on the til asked me the fatal question, are you ok? So of course I broke down. She was really good. She opened another till and talked to me until I felt better. The thing that she said that has stuck with me is that im free now and I can make a new life without him. It made me look at things in a whole new light. My dad said take one day at a time.

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