PTSD can leave you feeling pretty awful, awkward, and an outcast. The identity thing is a trip. I found out in loss, I lost identity. I decided today was going to be different. I decided today that I was going to use my tools from therapy and recover. I decided in my darkness that I was going to use my flicker of light and Shine. I was going to be awkward, but I was going to recover while doing it. Did I have doubt? Yep. Did I feel weird? Yes. Oh well : )
I wrote this as a piece to encourage someone. I have been in so many dark months that I couldn't see the sun. I know what it is to not be able to leave the house. I know what it is to not be able to look at the mirror because all I could see is damage. Take a little step in recovery today and shine. It's in you! You can do it. I did it today and I'm thankful. Let your beautiful light S H I N E!
I too have lost my identity and all sense of self. I am mostly numb, and have absolutely no idea who I am or even what I want - except my old life back.. (not useful btw as totally gone). Other times I am so raw, and filled with self loathing and dangerous thoughts. I can not commit to a single thing. Who knows where I will be in 8 hours? I may be fine or I may be in bed hiding, or I may be thrashing myself physically to the point of vomiting. They are my better options.
I identify strongly with Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy". (I am a bit of a Luddite, so no idea how to upload...) I also love Seal's song "Amazing".. although I am not yet 'clean' it is something to aim for.
I for one am very inspired by your ability to "Shine on".
Stuck 1 i get those days of great difficulty, but realize you are worth living. You have a purpose. I'm glad you get the identity thing. I looked closely and realized that I didn't like the old me but coming into the new is challenging. It's like when a catapillar becomes a butterfly.
Thank you poetic overcomes for your understanding and encouragement...today I am feeling hopeless and very depressed thanks for being a light for me. Sometime others need to carry hope for me until I can hope,for myself.
Wilderness it's good that you recognize it. I encourage you to take a step, a baby step. You are not alone. I get those moments. Rise up if you can, even just a little bit.
Ok I will thanks for taking Thea time to validate me and hear me. I feel like someone in this nursing community does understand this process of wanting to get well and actually " work though this yuk"
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PTSD relapse, stuck situation
Flashbacks TRIGGER suicide 
I don't know how to get back to normal me.
I feel like the only one being responsible.
