The Invisible Stones On My Back

[js_k]

*TRIGGER WARNING: Giving up*

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I have been struggling lately to see what’s the point on living my life if I can’t tell when will I recover. To many health care providers, I’m not considered to be at-risk. FYI, I live independently, got two jobs, being an scholarship student, and also having close relationships with people. It seems like I get my it all together on the outside.

Thing is, no one asked me WHY I am so good at school and work. The reason is: I want a mental escape!

It all got to a point where I feel isolated from the world. I feel like no matter what I’ll do, triggers will be present everyday (more than once a day ofc!). So what’s the point on trying?

But the back of my mind keep on saying one thing: At the moment when I need all the love from the world is the moment I need to give love to world.

Let’s see how that works out!

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I understand and can relate...sending you my support and a hug...

[LilyAnnepuppy]

The back of your mind makes sense to me. The Prayer of St Francis has a good message. I am grateful for my healthy escapes, as long as I use them in moderation. And try to give myself some appropriate self care down time. Good luck. Keep posting. I love to hear how people are progressing. Each Day is a New Beginning. ❤️

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

hi js_k, I have been feeling similar. Just at wits end lately. It is too hot where I am.

What is pushing you over the edge right now do you think?

Seems it can be a combination most times...you mentioned too many health care providers...can you fire some?

Overwhelm pushes me over the edge....

just saying I understand....you are not alone

[Agara33]

Thats exactly it-what makes suffering what it is is that you don't know when it will end, how will it end, what to do to make it end....one direction that used to clarify things for me is knowing what i want, being clear about what i want-and that cleared away other distractions and noise in my reality...once you really know than just wish to get there and go in that direction...i think life will do its best to meet you

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

I think that we all hide behind different things and that sometimes people think we have it all together

like you said a lot of people feel that way just know that you are in control of your life and a lot of the people that offer you advice just know that you can choose what you want

I’m sorry you’re having a very difficult time right now I just know that the way that you feel today is not the way that you’re going to always feel

even though sometimes it feels like it’s so difficult but just know that life changes all the time I hope that you can find a way to get rid of how you feel

if it’s art if it’s walking if it’s pulling weeds in the garden and singing acting do you need an outlet to help you find what it is that you love you have so many choices

When I’m feeling really down I like to wrap Christmas gifts I go for a walk every day now I have a Walkingstick and that really clears my head clears my mind I like to take my loppers and cut branches back and

I don’t have all the answers but I find what brings me joy singing looking at funny videos online

my path may not be everyone’s path but that’s OK and you don’t have to be anything but you and that’s enough so I hope that you find your healing path because there really is meditation prayer there really is more than all of the things that you’re doing in the world

that make you look like you have it all together but the inner peace is the most important thing and just know that it’s within you and just because they’re professional people helping you doesn’t make that everything they say is right or correct they get paid to help you supposedly but a lot of people are book smart not life smart

so find a way to get rid of how you feel inside in a positive direction journaling writing reading books going for walks running

get involved in a group where you can grow vegetables or something that you see plants and how plants grow and how food is grown or something that shows you that life is about growth and

there is disappointment sometimes and that’s OK and people aren’t happy all the time no one is

and that’s OK

find your way through that’s what everyone’s doing we’re really glad you’re here and keep updating us and sharing with us because we care about you and you’re not alone in your feelings