So fed up with all this.............what a life!!

[rainbowdancer]

When I first came onto this forham I was writing happy poems and feeling good well fibro good anyway.

Now I can't remember a single day I am not in tears.the pain I have from other things being wrong,and the fact I cannot even see a twinkle, let alone a light at the end of the tunnel. My OH is worn out because I can't do anything on my own! My daughter is not as supportive as she was......and friends...er what friends......... have stopped calling,all bar one who calls and goes on and on about the same things in her life,that she actually drains me!

I have seen surgeon about my bowel problems and he wrote my Dr a letter,we both thought he was writing about someone else. I was in screaming agony,and he said your patient deny's she had any pain......and she is also complaining of losing some blood....I actually told him that I bleed like a pig,even if I only have the wind, or go for a wee, ( Sorry to go on but I have written this out 4 times and deleted it,as it is a bit personal )

I am seeing my Dr tomorrow evening so will try to speak with him how I feel.

Now with all this added trouble I have my scooter but I cannot go out at all very far as if I need the loo I end up in tears. My daughter had a funeral to go to last week and because I could not go, for fear of needing the loo, she is being funny......she used to call me a few times a day and we would go out to clubs of an eve: weekends ,but now she just doesn't even ask how I am. This also adds to the low feeling I have.

I am sorry to have gone on but I have no one to talk to so need to get this out!

I am grateful to you all for being there for each other and I do try to support all of you too it just depends if I am up or not x

Big Gentle Hugs to you all ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Rainbow x x

[Hidden]

Hi rainbow please don't apologise for "going on" thats what this forum is for.... As you are seeing your GP tomorrow if you haven't done it already , write down everything you feel , how you feel and all symptoms and give it to your GP to read .... Better than getting there in pain and being stressed and missing things out, once he has your written word he can keep it in your records and hopefully get you some help. Due to my being ill I can't get to see my mum as much as I used to somedays I haven't even done thing that she would be interested to talk about and I only have one good rl friend who gets me and what I have. lots of us understand on here how you feel and how limiting our liives can be. I have a mobility scooter but can't go out alone on it cos I can't turn my neck right to check for traffic when crossing roads safely...

Good luck a the Drs tomorrow

VG x

[rainbowdancer in reply to Hidden]

Thanks VG I am doing that, I really do not know where I would be without all the kind support you all give me x x

[Hidden]

Please don't say sorry for how you feel, we are all here for you through good days and not so good days and even really terrible days too! We all have them so we all understand. It can all get a bit too much sometimes can't it. We are always here for you to listen, lend a caring shoulder for you to lean on etc., also to help and support you where we can.

Please let us know how it goes at the Doctors tomorrow, wishing you all the best and sending you a gentle hug.

Bless you! (((hug))) xxx

Libs

[rainbowdancer in reply to Hidden]

Hi will keep in touch and let you all know how it goes x

[summerlite]

Hello rainbow. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. But I'm glad that you wrote about it all on this forum, you may not have many people around you who are able to understand or support you but this forum is chocca block with people that do!!! Keep using it as a support tool and you'll be amazed how much help and kindness there'll be winging it's way to you. When you go to the docs tomorrow, let yourself spill it all out. I hope you feel happier and stronger soon. Keep blogging rainbow, warm thoughts, S x

[rainbowdancer in reply to summerlite]

Thanks I am so glad you are all there for me x x

[Hidden]

It's horrible to feel so low....I hope your GP can help when you visit, maybe if you have a good chat with your daughter and tell her exactly how you feel in she may understand better.

I know it is very hard at times but think of something that makes you feel good and try to concentrate on that. I hope it goes well for you at your GP visit. I think it can be hard for our OH at times too, could he go to the GP with you? I took my husband with me last week and I think it helped both of us. Please let us know how you get on. xx

[rainbowdancer in reply to Hidden]

Hi Mary yes my OH goes with me all the time but social services are saying that because he has PTSD and I used to be his carer it is all too much for him and trying to see if I can do more for myself and I can't if I could I would obviously!

My husband has had someone here to asses his healing needs...yet when I was looking after him and my mum and getting ill no body helped me!!

as for my daughter she just says Oh mum for goodness sake be more positive !!

thamks for your support x x

[ladymoth]

Hi rainbow,

VG is right - you need to make a list to take to the docs and not leave until you have got some results.

The surgeon you saw has possibly made a mistake - it's not unknown for them or their secretaries to mix up notes and get patient's details wrong. I'm not saying this is excusable, but they see a lot of people, and they are human, so very occasionally mix-ups do happen.

I really think you should query this point as his account of your examination varies so much from what you know to be the truth.

As for your family and friends, I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with them. Your daughter might be very worried about you and not know how to cope, so maybe you could very positively and flatteringly tell her how appreciative you would be of her help. Say exactly what you would like done, and she might jump at the opportunity.

When you have your toilet problems sorted out, you might be able to get out for a bit, and you would start to feel better about yourself.

I hope things go OK at the docs tomorrow - be bold and stand up for yourself!

Take care ...Love, Moffy x

[rainbowdancer in reply to ladymoth]

Hi Moffy thanks for the advice.I spoke to my daughter ages ago and she made it quite clear that she doesn't like people being down there, is always someone worse off than me. She says she supports me as best she can as she and other people have to work! She truly thinks she is supportive. My OH thinks she cant cope with her mum being ill so backs off.

Will keep you posted x

Rainbow x

[jjojay]

Hi rainbow, don't worry you can go on as much as you need to, it only makes me more aware of how real this all is for all of us. My daughter is 16 and she is caring at the moment but wasn't for sometime till I got diagnosed I used to get so hurt. It's okay we all understand here . Be really honest with your doctor and don't hold back. I hope you feel some what better real soon. I can engine how low you've been not been able to go out much. It doesn't help with everything when your stuck indoors. X x

[Allpainedout]

Hi all , I'm still amazed how many of us are out there !!!! How we all sound the same ! All my friends are long gone and so has most of the family ! I went on a chronic pain coarse yrs ago and my husband came along to a family day it was the best thing that happened for us as the drs and phycolagst spoke to the family members and explained to them about all we go through I wish we could have taken all our friends and family with us , but having you partner knowing truly how you feel is worth it's wieght in gold hope you can have the same xxx

[rainbowdancer]

Thanks everone will let you know what happenes x

[nanatre]

The same here. Even when I think my daughters get me, they go and do or say something that makes me think they have no idea. In my head I know what to say, but by the time it has come out of my mouth its completely different. Like, I was talking to one daughter about her tarnished tiara. I read if you put it in a bowl of boiling hot water and tinfoil it helps. So, in my head I knew it was tinfoil but blooming............now I cant think of what its called!!!!!! lol. Errrrrrrrrr yeah cling film. The first time my daughter cocked her head, so, she says is it tin foil or cling film/ I said tinfoil, she said but you said cling film........I was like, did i? she says yep. So, I go to say it again making an extra effort to say it right, it came out wrong again.....then I get that look, the one like I am 4 years old and have wet myself......I HATE that look!

Think I shall retire to my bed xx