Fed up

Went to hospital today and I had one of the doctors tell me to MAN UP pull myself together and tell myself I'm not in pain. I walked out crying come home and did not want to talk or see any one ( I have 4 kids ) I'm so upset. I have been in chronic pain for 4 years I have tried everything they have asked me to and even been in hospital for 4 weeks for pain mangement. They are taking me off all my meds as they don't help with my pain. What am I going to do ? How am I going to go on ? 

Sorry for moaning 

Linda x

39 Replies

  • So sorry to hear your bad day.  I'm not very positive feeling myself tonight, went to my doctor today to speak about being referred for an MRI, but was told I would need to discuss that with my consultant, got the feeling she thought I was wasting her time, so back home feed my face with more meds that don't work gett fatter and more depressed sorry not you would not make you feel better xx

  • Sorry about your day it's not nice when doctors done help it's not hard to referred for a MRI is it ? Hope when you see your consultant he will get you one. It's true meds don't work they do just make you fatter and that makes you more depressed I know. Don't be sorry take care of yourself xx Linda 

  • Thank you keep your chin up Linda, surely they can't just take u off meds and abandon you I hope that doctor who said that to you has a hedgehog next time he needs big toilet. ( keep the humour) xx

  • That is just awful, can you make a complaint against the doctor?

    Maybe get advice from a disability adviser and find someone else who can suggest better pain relief, however I was told by a GP that there isn't a pain killer in the world that will take away all pain.

    I can't imagine how you are going to cope but if ever you feel like shouting or screaming at someone - feel free to do so at me x

  • I'm not going to see him again. I understand that no pain killer will take away all pain but the meds I'm on don't even touch my pain. Thanks for your reply and I won't shout or scream at you xx Linda 

  • How awful to be on the receiving end of a rude and unsympathetic doctor.  If this is what he truly believed he should have discussed it with you calmly and with good manners.  No excuse!

  • I am also called Linda and I wish there was a painkiller that would take away some of your pain, have you tried morphine patches x

  • Yes I have tried the morphine patches they make me so sick I can't eat or drink so they are taking me off them slowly xx 

  • Try Fentnyl patches. They are made of a synthetic opiate and stronger than morphine, and without the nasties morphine gives me 🐸

  • Fentanyl patches have plenty of unpleasant side effects as well. I hear they are very difficult to stop.


  • Apart from the usual fuzziness of the first couple of weeks I have never had a problem with them. Also I can come off them in summer if my pain levels drop without any adverse effects. That is purely my own experience. But of course , like any other drug, we all react differently 🐸

  • People just don't understand this horrible horrible invisible illness, I sometimes wonder what the point is, and when you get no help constant put downs and made to look stupid and lazy, it sure doesn't help, I feel like you do, I got sent home from my first pain management appointment,cause I said I couldn't stand the headaches and pain no more, I was told that they didn't think my state of mind wasn't ready for the programme, and have now been referred back to the doctor, ( the lady physio was nice,but made myself stupid by breakdown in front of them). My pain meds don't touch the side of the pain, but as you say they just tell you more or less to MAN UP and get on with it. Best wishes to you and fingers crossed they get you the help xxxx

  • What a horrible experience for you I think sometimes they forget they are supposed to be members of the "caring" profession.  As many of us have said before if they had to have a week in our bodies they would soon change their attitude and I reckon they would be begging on bended knee for a cure.  No one else can judge anyone elses pain and if you are feeling pain it is real.

    I am so sorry no medication is working well for you.  I do hope if they are stopping medication they are going to wean you off it slowly as some meds like a couple I am on can be quite dangerous if abruptly stopped.

    Never think you are moaning as you have had enough to make you miserable and this is what the forum is here for so that when necessary we can vent and just get all the angst off our chests.  At least here  you are communicating with people who understand. Take care of yourself.x

  • "Man up"?  How insulting!  Qualified PhD? "Do no harm" not ringing bells for them?

    In the wrong profession, obviously!  You didn't need that, in what way was this supposed to help in any way whatsoever!   Take care Hun. xx

  • That's awful Linda, iv had this before and I cried also. I was so angry I was having palpitations lol.

    But it's not funny in any shape or form and if I were you I would definitely put a complaint to the hospital.

    At the end of the day it is totally unprofessional and demeaning and Darn right disgusting to be honest.. They will have policies and procedures and I bet its on there that they have to be professional at all times and the way he spoke to you is definitely anything but.

    I would actually tell that doctor you want another opinion and take your partner if you can for support. I bet he wouldnt have said that infront of him.

    I think it's a bit of power trip some of them are on, they get some kind of kick out of upsetting and controlling women.

    I wouldn't have thought your  GP won't take you off your meds just like that and he will have to give you some kind of pain relief. It's just not right.and you should tell GP what he said to you. Maybe he can refer you to some one else.

    I hope you get some joy from your doc.

    Peace, Luv light 

    Jan x

  • I ma so genuinely sorry to read that my friend, and it is totally unacceptable for a medical professional to speak to a patient in that manner. If it were me I would report this person! Please take care of yourself.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • Really sorry to hear that sending hugs 

  • The doctor is an idiot and a total tool bag, obviously has never been in chronic pain himself. 

  • That dr needs to be reported very unproffesional 

  • That doctor I am afraid is a prize bumpy! That's the only way I can phrase it without being rude, I am afraid. I would definitely speak to your GP about it and lodge a formal complaint against the doctor who treated you like that.

  • Think your tech didn't like 'numpty' lol 🐸

  • I have a theory that 75% of doctors are severely autistic and have terminal lack of people skills.This in part is complicated by their narcistic personality traits and the little know psychiatric condition called "I think I am God, do not bother me with your problems or questions syndrome"  unfortunately you were seen by the Doctor who majored in " Being a PR#*" and gained a distinction. I always have a dose of pithy remarks for when these Doctors are in crisis and are in danger of their ego exploding. The quick administration of pithy remarks alleviates the cranial pressure from the critical " I am GOD syndrome" state and lowers it to I'm a huge D#*#

    A quick email to the head of the department you were seen in, ccing the Director/Board of Trustees complaining about the Doctor will give you a chance to vent and possibly save someone else from this Doctors poor bedside manner.

  • I would love to hear some of your pithy remarks, and learn them to use them in such times of 'I am God' syndrome moments. 😊🐸

  • You have to remember you are in control of your body and can advocate for what treatment you would like. The trick is to give an argument why you think this will best help you. That way the doctor has to justify why he thinks otherwise. You have a right to have your treatment options explained to you in order for you to make an informed choice. You do not have to go along with what's he/she says, especially when they use the old nugget I've trained for x amount of years. I smile sweetly, well it's more like a cobra would smile if it could and say that's lovely doctor but I've had this body for x amount of years and I know what my body tolerates, doesn't tolerate and what can cause it to relapse. I would like to work in partnership withyou working out a treatment plan. Always look up the NICE guidelines on the standard recommendations for treating your problem. The operative word is standard. This means this is the go to response for most cases but not all. Knowledge is power don't let your power be depleted by not being informed. Failing all that practice ninja moves on him......👊😉

  • I would be devastated......I have had wonderful help from our surgery and would have probably fallen apart competely if I hadn't. You might want to seek another opinion and also talk to Citizens Advice. They are wonderful here and have given us loads of advice about things. Keep us posted. Hx

  • I can not believe he spoke to you like that. Definitely report him. X

  • How can they be so awful, they need reporting, trouble is we look ok on the outside, but the pain is so real and tiring, hope you can get it sorted xxx

  • Hi Linda 

    Ask to see someone else sweetie obviously the person you spoke to had no idea how much you are suffering and as we all know pain meds are trial and error what works for one can create more problems for someone else and the person you saw should have known you haven't been given the meds that's right for you yet. Sending love n hugs n hope you get some proper help soon some helpful help. Xxxx

  • Linda I'm lucky and haven't been treated quite like this, but I know people who have some complained via the PALS service and got very good results and going forward were treated by different Dr's who were quite the reverse sympathetic and very helpful, so as others have said yes complain.



  • I would report him. Show articles that this is a true diagnosis. I feel so bad for you. I have a good Dr, so far. I will be starting a group here at Gundersen Health System. And Therapy for what I feel like because people do not understand (even family) Increased my medicine so the other half of day goes better. Will problay not be able to return to my regular occupation (I work at the same hospital/clinic I go to.) so I have applied for other positions that are not near as physical. But I would complain about that Dr. Jack them up let them know you are not happy with his attitude about your illness or what he tells you. Good Luck.

  • hi, hope you feel a bit better, emotionally at least. Now your setting me off on one.  l,m not sure which l find the worst, dr,s with a bad attitude, who come across as not only uncaring but unproffisonal, l had severe nausea daily from waking to bedtime, worse with least movement, lost appetite lost 2stone, life an ordeal endurance, finally after months saw gastrologist scope showed bit of gastritus, the consultant said l wasnt normal because l simply asked a question about it and glanced at the pics of my stomach which were spread over his desk, l disputed it, should have told him he was abnormal responding like that,  then told youll live, look on the bright side, at which point l felt like slapping him, how would they feel and respond if it was their wives daughters getting those type of insensative responses, he did it with a smile, silent asassins some of them. Alternately there are ones very pleasant, even patronising, but incompatent. l think dr training is different, l grew up when docs always checked your pulse, looked in your eyes, tongue, listened to your chest examined you, had a think or looked in dr,s bible, now many dont even get out of their chair to examine you, just referral for blood tests, maybe a scan of certain area, if they come back clear, a problem, despite knowing many conditions dont show on bloods scan, despite those it took me years to get diagnoses by scope for intersticial cystitus, which had been finally diagnosed as phycalogical, after gyny, hormone dismissed, no apologies even for the years of pain poor health, and within weeks lost my mum.  With the cfs, fibro, lve been told, its age, 60s, phycalogical again, or we cant do anything about it,  they or theirs should see how theyd feel on experiencing it. The urologist was good, and a couple of decent gps along the way, l know some have excellent ones, but some do leave a lot to be desired, but think things have got worse in recent times, judging by responses of others on mbs, maybe cut backs, shortages, different memos in how to respond, l really dont know whats going on.  But yes we should complain, practise manager, pals , trust, mp, whoever, if they can do something about it they should, if not they can at least be empathetic, and suggest things to help.  Agree with Janet, my son works in health care, mental health, and he agrees some are unproffessional and uncaring, but if you can take someone with you to back you up it helps, l dont think by law they can just refuse trying meds to help you.  l woke in severe pain in night, shoulder arm wrist, bump with it, gels and patches help me a bit, and reluctant with pain killers due to iffy tum gastritus, but for you their must be other pain killers they could try be it patches or injectiions to help, you need it even more when 4 kids to care for. Go back to your gps and tell them whats been said, hope you get help soon

  • get a fibromyalgia  explanation pack sent direct to him . awful man

    kind regrds


  • OMG! Not the best example of human kindness. Sigh. Moan away. You have every right. I'd let your GP know how you were treated and ask what your best course of action is. Don't give in to those bullies, because that's just what they are 🐸

  • First job, complain to the local PALS team, in writing, keep copies, send preferably by Special Delivery so you can track your letter. Compalin also to the hospital CEO, agai in wiring, as above.

    This is totally unacceptabe. If the doctor you saw is a consultant, a complaing to the GMC would also be appropriate.

    Don't get depressed, get ANGRY!

  • These doctors just make you feel more ill than ever. The amount of Doctors, or their children, that have got ill with M.E or FM etc is the only reason why it is being researched more and more. They turn up in forums and join the board of charities like Action for M.E.

    Now they know what we are all going through. Anyway forget em, have a nice weekend all.

  • I know that their cost is an issue but try complementary therapies to at least help ease the pain.  Some organisations have some free/reduced price/group sessions for people with chronic pain. 

  • Hi Linda.  I know EXACTLY how you felt having had a similar experience with a consultant at my local hospital.  I also left crying my eyes out. I told my GP that I wanted to be transferred to another hospital, and I was.  Although it takes me much longer to get there, it is so worth it.  Although it is a sister hospital to the other one. The attitude of the staff, from nurse to registrar to consultant is a totally opposite experience. I agree with our fellow sufferers. Report him.  No one should be treated like that.  The guy is a disgrace to his profession and needs to be ticked off, not just for your sake but for all patients who have the misfortune to come into contact with him. Absolutely no excuse whatsoever for that attitude.  What's the difference between God and a consultant?   God doesn't think he is a consultant !!.   We will all be routing for you.  Do let us know how you get on.  Sending love and sympathy. 😡👹

  • Hi Mahoney0719,

    I know just how you feel.I was forced into a major heart bypass in 1993 following a surgeons mistake that created 6 blockages around my heart.The operation went well but as the anesthetic wore of I started to have muscle spasms in my chest and back.Within a week I was in agony from head to foot.

    My GP sent me to a pain clinic where for the next 2 years they tried to convince me the pain was all in my head.Strange really when they sent me to The Dept of Nuclear Medicine followed by nerve conduction tests and goodness knows what else.

    My ex wife told me that she was sitting watching a program on TV,a rare opportunity as she was looking after our daughter and providing me with full time care 24/7.The TV programme mentioned a little known illness that caused Chronic Pain and Fatigue as well as a host of other illnesses.

    My wife wrote down the telephone number and rang the following morning.A week later she received a standard envelope with a piece of A5 printed paper.The print was a list of symptoms for a little known illness called Fibromyalgia Syndrome.Looking at the list of symtoms my wife realised I had all of them.She rang our GP Immediately and he in turn came to the house after surgery.

    He read the list and admitted that my symptoms matched but he also admitted that he'd never heard of Fibromyalgia. He went away promising an appointment with a specialist.

    Within three weeks I was diagnosed with Severe Fibromyalgia from head to toe.That was 21 years ago this week.

    You may be wondering why I've been rambling on so let me tell you.Even now 21 years later there are still Doctor's who have no idea what Fibromyalgia is.If you look at some of the comments on the forum youll read about people who ask their Doctor's about this condition only to hear "Fibro..what?"

    Is your GP one of these I wonder.Has he sent you to see a Rumatologist?

    If he/she hasn't I would ask him to make you an appointment to be checked for Fibromyalgia Syndrome!

    Wishing you a better day. 

  • Sorry for late reply ( been in hospital ) thank you all for you kind works and support 

    Take care all Linda xx

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