being alone

hello every one .i feel very deppressed and if i could get out i walk take a long walk and dissappear. i am very worried i have to have another medical. and i am worried that i willl lose my benefits.i have a partner but because i am not so good these days he is not very happy with me.because it is about sex.. i have fibro and painful arthritis and i have incontinance,,and i sufffer with deppression and anxiety.but he reckons his needs should be met. he makes me feel fed up life think is not worth living any more it is only because of my sons and grandchildren i get up. i have not eaten for 3 days no appietite.but then i don,t care weather i eat or not sometimes.this goverment don,t care what the y are doing to people.i am going to talk to my sons but they have their own lives, so i will try and handle how i feel alone

35 Replies

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  • You are not alone, I can genuinely say I truely understand all u are feeling and for the same reasons, ive found this situation comes up quite a lot, and more so lately due to pain, and more I feel bad about it, the more icannot evengo there. But as I said, this happens a lot, and each time it has taken a long niteof talking about everything, loads of tears and some honest truths. They forget!!!!!! We are theonlyones who know this fibro is 24hrs 7days a week, and you need to find a little strenght to tell him that you would like a wee chat, and the explain how ur feeling. I really hope you feel better soon, u are strong, I have faith in you. Big soft hug

  • Hi Sylviajones.

    I am multi disabled like yourself with fibro being one of them, please may i say that I do care if you eat and with the weather being so cold as well , i myself once had a p[artner whom i tried very hard to explain how fibro affects me and all they were concerned about was themselves . I can but only hope that i have not said anything th\at offends you.

    simon xx

  • sylvia, you are not alone and we understand.

    which benefit might you need a medical for?

    I know that for esa incontinence counts for many of the points you need.

    you need to talk to someone. you can talk to us,

    and hopefully to your sons - let them know how low you're feeling.

    but can I suggest you talk to the samaritans? I've called them and it can help, they're there for anyone who is low. I've called and just asked them to be there while I've cried,

    please try and eat something even if it's only a biscuit or half a piece of toast, it will help.

    don't forget to have something to drink even if it's just sips.

    don't give up, you are worth it and I'm proud of you for reaching out to us, I know its not easy.

    there is lots of helpful advice and support we can give and lovely caring people too - you included.

    try and rest if not sleep and let us know how you are tomorrow.

    sending you a gentle hug (( :) )) and a smile :)

    sandra x

  • helllo. thamk you for talking to me. even though i don,t feel i am worth talking to. i have spoken to my sons and they sat with me for awhile till i eat some food. i am very tierd today.,my boys said they did not understand what i was going through but they both read all the information i could find and it helped me because they now understand how i feel.thank you for the hugs they help. i have spoken to my doctor and he is getting me some councelling and he as given me some anti depressants and stronger pain killers.

  • hi sylvia i understand were you are coming from iv had a very bad week up to now ,.please try and eat a little ,like myself with fibro and otrher illness feels like my body shuting down , .i had a good weep yesterday when my freind came round to see me ,

    your boys will be ther to support you ,,.

    try and get to see your gp if you this week but with the weather i no its going to be difficult , my gp referred me to the mentle health team ,,

    a

    try and rest and put your feet up and keep warm ,

    fibro freinds have been here for me and they will be here for you for support ,

    gentle hugs

    tink xx

  • Oh dear we all go through the same problems - not good. I got to stage where I was having black thoughts. To which I was put on 90mg Cymbalta - 200mg Clonazepam - 2 x4times daily paracetamol plus the stick on morphine. Even with these i AM STILL DEPRESSED NOT SO MANY BLACK THOUGHTS HELPS PAIN - BUT - Left aching and drowsey. One tay I can use facebook another day I have forgotten and other similar things. Have not been out since 26th December - sleeping waking making siomething to eat then sleeping. My son seems to listen to his wife and I always feel once they are gone sadness - as I know both of them have no comprehension - I divorced by husband must admit this made my life easier as I only have myself to deal with. No regrets. I have fibro - degeneration of spine - arthritis. Like you all everyday we try to achieve something no matter how small. Going back to my son etc they come down to see me 3 times a year so they do not see how my life is.I have legally filled forms in so that when my time comes I have put my body to science. He is so angry. For me I feel with luck it will help the future for others in the future. I realise this is a personal thing -I have no religion either it is the best for me. Goodness everyone could write a book on how each day is different. For me I would like a friend socially who has similar problems as I cannot cope going to group therapy. Hang in their I am 70 now and had this for 25 plus years xox

  • Hi Sylvia

    I know it's hard for our partners, but it's harder for us. They may have their 'needs' but we need love, support,understanding, it doesn't sound like this person is willing or able to meet your needs, but expects you to meet his. This is NOT a partnership! And it's not surprising you feel alone, and fed up. Please listen to me! I am speaking from recent personal experience! You need to value yourself AT LEAST as much as you value him. If he is not giving you what you want and need from the relationship, then something has to change. Sooner or later it will. You have a choice. You can wait for the change to happen, hoping it will be the one you want. Or you can take steps to create the change you want. This may not give you the ideal result, but allowing this person to control the relationship, and feeling miserable to the point of starving yourself, isn't working out well for you anyway.

    You have children and grandchildren. You obviously love them, and I'm sure they love you. How would you feel if one of them just stopped eating because they were so unhappy? How will they feel when you're not there to share the highs and lows of their lives?

    Please, please make sure you are eating, looking after yourself as well as you can, and when you feel a bit stronger, then you will be in a better position to deal with your relationship, your benefits, and everything else. And there are people around you who can help. There is practical information and advice as well as emotional support on this forum. Your GP, CAB, Samaritans. Of course your sons, who would be devastated to feel that you hadn't been able to ask them for help when you needed it.

    Please take care of yourself, and I hope you soon start to feel a bit more positive.

    Kaz

    xx

  • got up this morning and i really tried to talk to my partner and he as just not said one word to me.he as just ignored me. i feel i don,t know.still don,t want to eat,but i spoke to my daughter in law this morning and she said she would come to my medical with me.she and my son are coming up to see me later today so i guess things will be alright.thank you so much for talking to me i it helps when some one is there who understands.thank you all so much

  • Hi Sylvia, I know exactly how u feel. My husband ended up leaving me & living with a girl more than half his age. He blamed a lot on 'his needs' not being meet because of my illness but really he had started his midlife crisis long before I became ill but he had to blame me as he obviously couldn't be at fault (heavy on the sarcasm there!)

    Anyway, I was feeling suicidal and if I didn't hav my kids, probably wouldn't be here now.

    I'M SO GLAD I AM NOW THOUGH, LOL :)

    Life can still be more crappy days than good but I live for those days and the little bits of joy you can find EVERY DAY.

    IT DOES GET BETTER, HONESTLY

    Maybe you should change doc's? Meds? You deffo need to speak to someone though. Ring the council & ask for a social worker...we're all entitled to one &they help with care, benefits etc issues. Make sure you have a friend with you at your medical, for support. Don't be bullied, take your time, emphasize your worst times or you will lose out. Speak to the citizens advice too. They. & us are all here to support one another. Take care hun, keep in touch xxx

  • Hi Sylvia

    I am so sad to hear how you are feeling, but please know that we all do care about what you are going through. It can be hard, and I think it is especially worse when we don't look ill, but please keep talking, that's the only way everyone is going to how you are feeling.

    Take care

  • Hi Hun, there are time we all feel alone and cut off and this does not mean there is no one around, but maybe they are not the right people. I realise you cannot go for the walk you long for but try doing it in your mind it can be very soothing to take a wander by the sea shore.......

    I completely understand about the OH wanting sex and we are not able to respond because of are aches and pains it is time you talked to your OH dont let him bully you hun. Now make a cup of tea and make a slice of toast you need it and deserve it today you will feel better and all our cuddles will help. Gentle hugs (((((((((((((())))))))))) xgins

  • Hi Sylvia, I know exactly how you feel, i suffer with fibro and

    anxiety and various. My husband and I used

    to argue all of the time about needs and crap, now it's an understanding between

    us. I told him to read things about how fibro affects

    everyday life. Anxiety can also be a family condition thats gets passed down or it could be due to a physical condition i.e. Hiatus Hernia, it causes your heart to beat faster. It's best to rule out these things. I write my feelings down in a diary everyday, it helps. You are not alone We Fibro sufferers understand, Things you must remember "You are a person who deserves respect and understanding, you have needs too. you and your husband could try and talk through and make time for each other and talk about how sex can be painful for you, you could explain that it's not that you don't want to but could you work out some way of being intimate that suits you both and doesn't cause too much pain for you. Reading between the lines it sounds like your husband loves you so much and would like you both to have a loving relationship,

    Ask your GP to refer you to someone you could talk too. Maybe you could take your husband with you to the Doctors if you don't already do so, try and involve him as much as you can and then he might even understand your illnesses a bit more, sometimes partners can be ignorant about things because they don't understand about the illness or the effects it has. I hope you feel much better soon, you have your children and grandchildren remember

    even though they are grown up and have their own lives 'They still need you' as much as you need them. Please don't suffer in silence we are all here to listen. Take care and lots of Gentle Hugs and big smiles. ??????????.

  • Oh no the ?????? are supposed to be smiley faces.

  • i am sorry to hear your dilema but you really must eat something and you do need to talk to your sons and let them know how you feel and also reiterate to your OH how you feel. I think it is very selfish of him to treat you this way and surely he could have cogoled you into eating some food. you are cared for

    gentle hugs xx

    Belinda

  • Hi Sylvia,

    Just read your blog, I have been going through the same as you (still am) Im trying ro find my own accomodation, its a long day to day haul, but I air my thoughts on here and everyone rallies with sound advice.

    I got to the point everything bad that went wrong, any upset between OH and me was my fault guess what, after years of battering myself I realised ITS NOT MY FAULT and it's not yours either, live for your children and your grandchildren, but most of all live for yourself YOU ARE WORTH IT.

    lots of gentle hugs

    SusanX

  • What lovely kind people you all are. You see Sylvia - you are really not alone, but you will have to accept the help that is available to you!

    Treat today as DAY ONE of the rest of your life, eat some food, speak to your sons who will be delighted to help you, and tell your selfish partner to go and boil his head.

    Once you have taken a few small steps in the right direction, you will find the strength to get much better, so go on - you deserve to be happy!

    Lots of love Moffy (( :) ))

  • Lots I could say but then I would be here typing for ever!...And no your not alone my love..xx

  • hello sylivia I am so sorry you are feeling so low hope you feel better soon

    lots of love beth x

  • Hello Sylvia, you have some lovely genuine replies there, so you can see how much we care about you here. We are all in similar boats so we all understand.

    Having Fibro can be very difficult for our loved ones to understand, it can be quite devastating for them too. They don't experience our pain and fatigue and other symptoms, they can't understand however hard they try. They actually need help and support too in many cases. Have you considered taking your partner along with you when you go to the Doctors or the hospital if you go there? By doing so this might familiarise him a bit more with what you go through every day.

    Also we have lots of information about Fibromyalgia on our main site at FibroAction, please click on the link below and it will take you there. It might help showing him to help him understand and learn a bit more about it all -

    fibroaction.org/Pages/About...

    Have you thought about popping in to see your GP to explain how you are feeling at the moment. They might review your meds and prescribe something for you to help you feel more on top of things, to help your pain more etc. It might be worth a try.

    Please know that we are all here for you at all times, even Admin and our Volunteer Team have Fibro here so we are all there with you knowing how you feel. We have all felt low at varying times.

    Take care. (((hug))) xxx

    Libs

  • made an appoinment at doctors for later this week. partner is gone to his brothers for a few days, it will give him a rest and i told him i am going to the doctors this week but he will not go with me but my son is going with me.have read the pages and so as my sons and it has helped to help me to talk to my sons about how i am feeling. thank you so much it has helped me so much

  • Look at all your comments from total strangers this just proves people care about you and they probably have been in the same situation as you cos i no i have, you can carry on and get your husband to read all of your comments and tell him to use his hand and not pester you for sex, god bless x

  • Hi there Sylvia, I too understand completely how you feel.I am a 64 year old who was very active before I got FIBRO some 5 years ago now.I got it from a virus having had a cold from a plane trip to America which gave me pleurisy and from that Fibro.I have read all of the above support for you and wholeheartedly agree.I have been married for some 42 years but the last few have been difficult for us both.My husband has had some big health issues, a benign growth on the pancreas, a heart attack, two stents fitted and recently in August, a hip replacement.His last health scare has really frightened me although he is progressing very well.We are still working and are very busy (we work for ourselves from home).He manages to do so much and I am so tried its hard to do the basic chores like housework which I do when I can, it will always be there.At present I am so behind with everything, that all I want to do is go out with him not to be at home.The evenings are a bit of a problem as there is not much on the television, and we do not go to the pictures or see shows.We do belong to a Samba Band which is great but I have to pace myself again to go.I know that if I do a very basic job I will be in pain as I am anyway and tired.I am allergic to most of what is prescribed for Fibro,have the usual IBS and nausea but have found that acupuncture seems to work.I do not get any benefits nor did I qualify for a blue badge.I have stopped fighting the system for these.My doctor is well up on Fibro but there is only so much that can be done.The fear I have at present is that I am so far behind with everything, housework,paperwork,garden etc.that if something dreadful should happen I would not be able to cope at present.I am very nervous, anxious and cannot speak to my husband or children (who are in their thirties) about how I feel. I think they would think that I am totally losing it.I do go out on the bus, as I cannot drive anymore.I dread coming home to the mess.I have friends who have offered to help but am embarrassed to take them up on their offers.I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT.I have a friend who has ME and another who has Fibro.One is struggling the other is far more able to cope only recently having been diagnosed.I like most of us wish for the old me to be back.I did belong to a support group but cannot get to it now.It was a great help being with others who knew and understood and offered support and suggestions for coping.Back to helping you Sylvia, you must try to eat and talk to someone.We all understand and can share on this blog ANYTHING.Talk to anyone who will listen as mentioned above,Take care.Huge HUGS

  • Hi sylvia , I hope speaking with your son and daughter in law has helped you today , we are all here for you , having this is so hard and changes us , and people around us should understand us x im sending a big warm hug and lots of love x tc x

  • Hi Hun, i am feeling like that at this moment in time. i ex cheated on me and blamed my illness i can be honest and say i was good to him. Anyway Hun i am feeling lonely at the moment and could do with a nice cuddle. i have two lovely grandchildren and a son that i care for nobody understands as i look ok my kids think mum can still do things for them. i have just had a gall bladder operation and i am 3 weeks post op. my son who has adhd and aspergers has been looking after me and i am so proud of him he understands more then my girls. just try and eat a little at a time. try and join a meet up group that is what i did and have met some lovely people who are my friends now.here is a link for you.

    gentle hugs lyn.xxxxx

    meetup.com/

  • You poor thingy, but you really must talk to your sons , I'm sure they would want to know how you feel and would prob try to help please don't suffer like this , I'm afraid your partner sounds like a very selfish man , you deserve to be treated better than the way he treats you he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself . Please do talk to your sons though . I'm not sure what else I can say , do you gateway friends who you could talk to , maybe visit even . I do hope things pick up for you . ((( hugs ))) x x x

  • Hi Sylvia

    I totally get you, and how you are feeling. I also live alone, my daughter died 10 years ago, aged just 19, and my son now lives in leeds. I find myself shying away from relationships, as I am unable to do long country walks, or have a romantic evening, with the thought of sex to follow! My mind is willing, but the body screams nooooooo!!!

    I agree with Rosalyn, joining a suppoert group for FM or Chronic pain, can be very helpful to find people who understand and dont judge you. Maybe you could ask your gp, or look in the local paper.

    Also, when you're feelings reach rock bottom, as someone else suggested, the samaritans really can be a life line.

    Please eat and let us know how you get on with finding that support, because we really do care.

    Love and warm hugs for you.

    Lyndy xxx

  • Hi, I was feeling very down the other day and talked on here as I felt so lonely. I am however very lucky as my husband completly understands me and we jog along. Some times it gets too much for him as he is ill himself but he has a social worker and they are trying to help us,not sure how but they are on to it.

    I am so sorry you are feeling so bad,as the others have said you must try to eat,or if not have a nice milky drink of chocolate or Malt.

    Take care and a gentle hug to you (((((((( :-) ))))))))))

  • you are NOT on your own i agree with every one up there

    if you need to talk we are all here for you

    be strong as best as you can

    thinking of you

    soft hugs

    kath

  • so sorry to see you are suffering like this,life can be cruel most of the time,but like you say you got your children and grandchildren hun,thats what keeps me going,just think how they would feel if you left them...hope i havnt offended you hun, but i have felt like this so many times and its not the anwser..... hope you are feeling bit better soon and see if you can talk to your partner? i know this is always not possible too xx

    paula xxx

  • Oh bless you hunny, don't be low. I have a similar problem with my partner and sex. I used to feel low. But now I feel I am just as important as he, my needs are important too, and if he can't get his round that , that's his problem . Sex isn't everything , life love and perpose , my kids adore me, my cats adore me. I've been a devoted mom and worked , now am not able and have no labido ,, doesn't mean that's it tho does it. I can still cook a Sunday dinner and be there for my family. Your so much more hunny, your you and seems your family love you very much. You carry on hold your head up high , remember your important too and don't get low . Hope your dla comes through again reapply if it doesn't seems everyone has to reapply . X x big hug ,, remember you hold your head up , life is much more than sex ,, x

  • my 2 sons came up on saturday and they made me eat because they said they would sit with me forever until i do. my daughter in law made me some nice curry and rice and you know what i loved it and i did feel better.my partner still not talking to me but like my boys said that is his problem. he as admitted he thinks my fibro and arthritis is a stupid idea.he is gome to his brother for a few days.if i can get out am going down to my youngest son,s house in a few days,snowing again.i will be ok . my grandson ethan sent me a lovely card he made for me. i would like to thank you so much for talking to me. it makes me feel better when i know someone is there i can reach out to. lots of hugs to every one and yhank you again.

  • So pleased to hear that, I really felt for you Sylvia , great it's a step forward . Just concentrate on yourself Don't worry about your Hubby so much , you have to get yourself back on track. concentrate on that , such a relief your eating again. Everything can work around your condition ,,,,, if he is not talking thats not your priority , YOUR HEALTH AND WELL BEING IS,,,,,take care and I am here , keep us posted let us know how your getting on ,,everyone cares here x

  • Get some Soup in you ,, you have to eat PLEASE,, I want to hear from you again , let me know how your getting on. Message me ,, I need friends I've only just been diagnosed , been fighting this darn FM for years undiagnosed. Don't loose hope ,, we all need holding up ,, x x

  • Hi sylvia never written on blog before but u worried me i am glad u spoke to ur family i no its not easy sex??????? If he cannot understand u not up for it when u not feelin too good then thats his problem think of urself and grandchildren whenever i feel down i look at my beautiful granddaughter's photo and that works. Cheer up and eat something nice enjoy it and start tomorrow with a big smile and a positive attitude take carexx

  • Hi Sylvia

    If you haven't got the guides from benefits & Work, they can be very helpful. Email info@fibroaction.org and our Admin Emma can send them out to you for free. There is also some info on Benefits & Fibro here:

    fibroaction.org/Pages/Benef...

    Best wishes and keep talking!

    Linz

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