coping with fibro and being alone even when you are with someone

[sylviajones]

there are days when i don,t care if i get up or not, today my hands hurt and my back hurts, i feel very depressed, i won,t eat today, can,t afford to any way. i am better if i stay in bed at least i can keep warm and i won,t use my gas and electric.i have no intrest in the coming festivities. my partner is not very good even if i am having hard day he still expects me to do every thing.when i try to do the house work i get tied and he moans and i get depressed what do yoy do is life worth any thing any more,i don,t think so

[lynnecw]

Hi

I'm sorry you are having a bad time. It is very difficult when people don't understand how bad you feel and that it's not that you don't want to do things but you can't.

I live with my son, who's nearly 25 (and a dog and 2 cats) He treats the house as if it is his walk-in wardrobe with washing facilities. He stays at his girlfriends several nights a week and just comes home for a change of clothes. I work full time and am expected to do everything at home, including the garden and walking the dog. He thinks because he is giving me his 'keep' that he is paying me to do things. I actually swore at him for the first time ever on Sunday night as he said he was coming home to cook dinner for me and his girlfriend and I waited and waited and eventually at 9.30 he still hadn't come home so I went to bed without, at 1.30am he came in and I let rip.

My son does usually cook the christmas dinner for everyone at my Mum's house but he has just started a new job and has to work christmas day (he's a chef) so I don't think we are doing christmas this year.

It is sometimes difficult to think what makes life worthwhile, I don't drink, smoke, go out, I can't eat any of the things that I like as I have been diagnosed with diabetes so there's not much left, all I do is work and lay on the sofa when I get home because I am exhausted. Then I see my 8 year old grandaughter, she stays with me on a Friday night, and I realise she is the only one that is really keeping me going.

Sorry I was meaning to try to cheer you up a bit but I think all I've done is let you know you're not alone.

Best wishes

Lynne x

[michaelb62]

Hi

I know exactly how you feel, I could stay in bed all day but do make myself get up, I have a partner?friend who i see a couple of times a week but he has a 17 yer old son who he sees every other weekend and then he has to visit his mum as she gets the hump if he doesn't so i seem to fit in when it suits although i am getting a little tired of it now so may call it a day after christmas. I am not interested in the festive season i don't have a tree and can't afford to get one I am sitting freezing in my lounge now as i can't afford to have the heating on there is no point attempting to go out as i have no money to even buy a coffee. But all said and done life is worth living I tried to take mine 5 times a few years ago and the hurt it caused my children and my parents was tough one time i was almost successful and i was on life support i woke up to tubes down my throat and all the family sitting by my side. I still have days when it crosses my mind and this year has been a real toughy in fact the worst in my life. But i have to think of the things i am grateful for like my children, the fact i have a roof over my head as their are some that don't even have that. After 22 years of marriage i left my husband as he was never there for me and yet i was always there for him i stayed longer than i should because of the children but that didn't really do them any good. I know its tough but sometimes we have to make ourselves do things like get out of bed like i said even if its just for a couple of hours. Do a little bit of housework a day then its not too much to deal with in one go and you will be warm whilst doing it. Gentle hugs to you hope things change for the better for you soon.

Jackie

[Mdaisy]

Dear Sylvia,

I am sorry you feel the way you do at the moment and I understand . It can be difficult living with Chronic Illness so my advice would be try and gain as much outside support as you can.

Maybe find out if there is a support group near you. At the support group you could talk to others living with Fibromyalgia and gain the understanding & empathy you need. In time, you may be able to encourage your partner to join you. Your partner may gain understanding too, as talking to other family members in this the situation may help.

Also, if your low mood / depression is having a great impact on your life you should mention this to you GP. He / She wlll be able to advice you on the next steps to take, whether it be some form of counselling or treatment with medications. Whilst you are there you can mention the symptoms of Fibromyalgia and ask for help with these too.

There are always people you can talk to as the Samaritans are always a phone call away. This service can be used to talk about any stressful issues you may be going through. Also if your partner may need someone to talk to the Princess Royal Trust for Carers are helpful too.

If you all gain a little support I think this may help, step by step become a less stressful situation

and therefore be a little easier to cope with as the days go by

We, on the forum are always here to listen if you need too and we will always try to help advise as best we can.

I hope this helps

Emma

[Teddysmum43]

Am so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Are you on any anti depressants? If I were you I would get to my doctors and review all your meds and also ask about some counselling throu your surgery. You really sound like you need some support. I've had counselling and it does help,the more emotional stuff you can get out will help with your physical pain,trust me.

[sylviajones]

well i made my self get up but it is cold. my eldest phoned me this am and i am going to see him on friday and try to talk to him.my partner has just informed me he as invited his family for the xmas dinner and i will have to cook extra as he will be down the pub with the family..what do i do.i am so tired and totaly fed up thanks to every one you have helped me get up and i am going to find out if there is a support group out there. if not maybe i can start one any one advise me how to go about it thank you.

[Mdaisy in reply to sylviajones]

Hi Sylvia,

Please look at our FibroAction Support Group Directory , you may find one near you.

fibroaction.org/Pages/Suppo...

If not, feel free to message me about starting a group. I have founded one here in my local area and I would be happy to help with any advice I can provide

Emma

[lynnecw]

Tell your partner if he wants christmas dinner he'd better help do it, otherwise eat at the pub if that's where he wants to be. Sorry to be blunt but he needs his a--e kicking, and preferably straight through the door, and not come back.

He makes my unthoughtful, ungrateful son sound like an absolute angel.

[myfindhorn in reply to lynnecw]

had a good laugh at this, as I had a friend who told her husband to leave and he refused saying HIS name was on the door, next day ...door was in the garden name and all, sure made her feel better and the neighbors still ask if his name is on the door or his back.

[sharne27]

HIya hunni im sorry about what your going threw i am in the same situation, I have a 2yr old that i have to deal with its so hard as my partner dont help much he is sitting playing cod as we speak. ALL hes done is stress me today and fibro has come on with a vengeance. Only thing that keeps me going is my son. I AGRee with liberty about stopping but i tried that once and my home was awful as nothing got done. I HOpe you can find some sort of resolution to this itsa a horrible situation to be in, WE ARE All here to talk. IVE found that coming on here really helps as we are all in similar situations take care and find some you time xxxxxx

[myfindhorn]

We women are famous for the stiff upper lip, but ladies you dont get medals for being a doormat or a martyr to the cause, having FM means doing the best with what you have.

Is it easier to be with someone who is more work and harder work, constantly pulling you down or,

go it alone and pick your fights to win the war. We all are in control of our surroundings if not our bodies, we have choices, get out into groups, find out your rights and get rid of as much negativity as you can by getting as much help as you can, the less stress the better you will feel. This xmas I have asked all my family to buy me a wee plant so that I may look after them and watch them grow as a reminder that I am loved.

have a great day and hugs on the way

Silviajones the first step to solving a problem is to admit there is one, you have taken the first step to freedom of the soul

[sylviajones]

i know i have a problem but i i feel like i am stuck with no where to go sometimes.my hands and back hurt constantly.ilife go on tried to talk to my partner but i am afraid that is a no go area..i grow roses and i have lots of plants in my house, i have a poinsettter that i have grown for 3 years and it is going strong.my patner hates gardening and what can you do. i do or try to do things my self.it takes a long time but

[Mdaisy]

Silvia,

I am so sorry you feel stuck in your situation and I fully understand what you are going through.

I run a local support group and many couples who come to group mention struggling with their relationship as they adjust to living with Fibromyalgia. Partners have mentioned they experience denial and increased stress, so much so they feel unable to manage. Communication often breaks down as the partner needs to talk but feels they cannot talk to you as you are poorly. Partners mention ignoring the situation as a coping mechanism in the hope it will go away.

I wondered could this be a possibility in your relationship ? If you both were able to gain some support with this may this would it help to the situation ?

The local support group near you (if you have one) may be able to help support you both or maybe your partner may want to contact some organisations that help support families.

You may find with the extra outside support helps the situation to improve

I wish you all the best

Emma

[pinot]

hello my fellow sufferers, it seems we all are having a tough time of it, families,husbands,partners that dont wont or cant understand is sooooo difficult for us my hubby is usually pretty good at helping but has not got a clue about what this life is like i have been so unwell over the last few weeks apart from fybro, i have ruptured discs and sciatica in my back and legs the pain is horrendous, i have angina, and diabettes i dont drink smoke or go out as i cant sit with the pain im in, it seems each day i wake it is a real struggle not to take my own life, i try to cope without moaning, i push myself to do things even when im in pain, im on many meds but nothing seems to help i just feel so low i cannot keep going like this i attend a pain clinic and the nurse{ratchet) kindly informed me i wont die from this pain and if i had cancer there wqould be a lot more support for me Gee thanks.i could have killed her if i had the energy instead i burst into tears,she goes outside and said to her coleague oh shes crying now!!! so i do understand how hard it is to go on it seems no one wants to help just had an mri scan to check my back again but wont see the consultant till january, see if i can have injections. i understand my condition but that doesnt help the pain, and exhaustion im so stressed i cannot think straight i keep dropping things burning myself and just dont want to go on, ive been on most anti deppresants for pain but had bad side effects. im also doubly incontinent due to nerve damage from back and diabettes..i am thankful for this site as it is helpful knowing im not insane and others suffer too, but we need pallitive care even though we are not dying..i just wish i could die and neverf have to wake up again...sorry im being so gloomy but i am really struggling, ive given up with the medical profession.. caring society my bahookie..nite nite all hope your symtoms and pain ease,and you find the support you need. xx gentle hugs friends. take care

[glassbutterfly]

Hi, I can really relate to what you are saying. It is diificult enough trying to just get by with this illness without the added stress from others, even when their actions are well meaning. I haven't worked for 18 months now and at the moment don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's an outrage that the government can't or wont comprehend how not having money to eat or to heat our homes has such a huge detrimental effect on our health not to mention the cost of complimentery therapies that could help and therfore lessen our 'burden ' on the NSH. The daily pain of Fibromyalgia is enough just on it's own.

Don't beat yourself up about Christmas, try and take it easy and be kind to yourself.

Take care and wishing you well x

[Ozzygirl64]

Hun you have people who are willing to learn about your invisible illness and then you get people who do not want to know. My partner knows about my illness and helps out when he sees me struggling. Partly my fault because I am very good at putting a brave face on things. And if I am trying to do things I am normally listening to Ozzy and singing along. This gives the impression that I am fine and dandy. Sometimes I prefer it to be that way as I much prefer to do things myself. With this illness we do not have much dignity, but what bit I have left I want to leave intact for all intents and purposes. Now if my hubby left me to struggle and he could see I was struggling that would be a different matter altogether. It could be that your hubby does not understand the full impact your illness has on you and maybe he never will. But one thing you need to learn about fbro for yourself hun is that in mind, it makes you stronger. I hope things improve for you and you should know we are all here to offer support xxxxx

[sylviajones]

thank you it helps when someone else understands what you are going through. had a talk to my son and his new wife and i felt so much better and my other half listened to and he said he did not really understand what my illnesss entails and we had a long talk and cleared the air and now he as cooked tea and has told his family we are ggoing away for xmas. it is good to talk