Blood Guts & Gore

WARNING: if your squeamish dont read this post!

Had a bit of an accident on Friday and manage to cut of the top of my finger whilst slicing up a Honey Dew Melon!! I kno I kno yuck!! Anyway went to our local A&E where I had to wait 4 hours before being referred to the minor injury unit for treatment.

The newly qualified junior doctor was a lovely middle class englsh girl who clearly took great pride in her work. After examining the mangled digit from several angles and even viewing it under a lamp she concluded that the best way to re-attach it was with glue. She was quite concerned that; due to the skin around the wound being so thin, any attempt to stich it would only cause further tears resulting in the need for more stiches and I quote " would result in severe scarring and would significantly detract from the overall appearance of the digit"

Dont think she quite knew how to take me when I said in my broadest belfast accent" feck me lov i'm 42, 4 foot naffin and overweight or as we say here in belfast short fat and hairy! A feckin frankenstein finger is the least of ma worries.

Poor girl didnt know what to say but at least I give the OAP with chest pains in the nxt cubicle a good laff, he pulled back the dividing curtain to have a wee peek and said fuk me I was expecting ta see one of the 7 dawarfs lol :-) every fecker in belfast is a comedian x

18 Replies

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  • omg i nearly wet myself reading this ty so much for making me laugh, i am sorry about your finger though and hope its better soon x

    gentle hugs x

  • Bless you Dixie, you can even make me smile over something awful like almost chopping your finger off! I was relieved it was just the top, even that's ghastly though. So pleased you're ok.

    Avoid Honey Dew Melons at all costs lol! Take care, here's a hug. :)

  • Hi Sparkly Glad the post gave you a laugh. It was wrote with what we belfast people call Black Humour and that means we tend to find something humourous in even the most goriest or saddest of situations :-) were a very twisted race lol. Anyhow fingers a tad sore but bearable as ive been anethitising myself all night with a few stiff ones ;-) strictly for medicinal purposes only lol x

  • Hi liberty :-) melon is dev off the menu for a while unless of course its pureed and in a cocktail bottle ;-) thanks for the hug nd right back at ye x dixie

  • Bless you Dixie! Hope you manage to have a good weekend and keep safe for the rest of it please lol! ;)

  • your a diamond Dixi ty to giving me a laugh hugs xx

  • Cant promise liberty as i'm a walking disaster area but il give it me best shot :-) Hi Tess glad you enjoyed reading the blog :-) sure a wee giggle works wonders x

  • A wee giggle is the best therapy Dixie, thank you for it tonight! :)

  • Hi Dixie I come from lisburn but have been.in Bournemouth since I was 18 now 48. But humour from home always makes me howl with laughter .hope your finger better soon xxxluv Frances

  • Hiya frances

    Theres nothing to beat a bit of Belfast humour is there? Ya kno what were like, we love da find the black humour in every situation, sure it was what kept us sane throughout the conflict. As for the finger its been glued back on but ive been informed by the doctor that il havta wait to see if it takes - think that due to NHS cuts they musta bought the bloody glue out of the pound shop feck sake! If it does'nt I might hav to have it removed. Ive already decided on the furneral (flushed down toilet like many previous dead golfish b4 it - does that give it the right to claim the title of fish finger - just wondering lol) prepared the wake food; volovonts and cocktail sausages, ham sandwhiches the good chocolate biccies etc and bought a few six packs to drown me sorrows afterwards. So thats me sorted nd of course theres an open invite to all of irish descent to come to the wake of Dixies finger tip - providing the glue doesnt take - watch dis space lol x

  • Aww Dixie I am just picturing the scene & laughing. Theres naffin lyke le Befast humor.

    By the way the description of yourself sounds just like me lol.

    Hoping your feeling better with your finger now.

    Hugs

    Jackie

  • Hi jackie glad ya enjoyed the blog yeah ur rite bfast humour rocks :-) though havta say r accent is shite lol . Jesus short fat & hairy wiv a crap accent is there any feckin hope!!! Lol x

  • i wonder if atos would give you more points for that at assessment???!!!! sorry about that , hope it heals ok ej

  • p.s superglue from the pound shop is surely the way to go, i used it to glue the handle on my mug back on but ended up gluing the sleeve of my favourite long sleeved top, it stuck so b***y fast ,my partner had to cut a bit out of the sleeve of my top to get the top off ,( all this without anesthetic i may add!)had to chuck it away(boo hoo) i was literally walking about with a small green triangle of fabric on my wrist so i was for over a week,(would have been cheaper to buy a flippin'new mug from the pound shop! so if you want the glue to stick your finger ,i urge you to use pound shop stuff it sticks like a limpet on a flippin rock! watch out though where you apply it as your family may find you in a years time ,a little skeleton ,stuck fast to the bathroom sink dead( as you were unable to get to anywhere else!!),i s'pose they could sue the pound shop though!!!

  • Hi Dixie sorry about your finger but thanks for the laf, I did a good un a fare few years ago decided to be an idiot and walk down stairs I say idiot as I have a stair lift anyway I fell top to bottom and ripped through the webbing between thumb and forefinger it was a beaut but it mended lovely a few months after it had healed I tried to take the top off my little finger trying to slice a cucumber on one of those mandolin slicer things, needless to say I am now banned from the kitchen by my husband lol . Gentle hugs sithy

  • Hi ej think if ya went into atos wiv ur head hanging by a thread they'd still find reason da refuse your claim lol. Mite end up tryin the pound shop glue cuz this medical one is crap lol :-)

    Hi sithy ru my sister from another mother lol you sound as clumsy as me lol fingers crossed we stay accident free for a whiledont know bout you but i think Ive used up a fair wack of my nine lives lol :-) x

  • Dixie - sorry to hear about your finger and I hope it doesn't need the Belfast version of a Viking Burial.

    Thanks for the post - it gave me a giggle.

    Julie xx

  • Thanks Dixie, for the best laff all week. You really are a gem, and I do hope that the 'cosmetic appearance of your digit' is now all that you could wish for.

    Just go careful with them feckin melons!

    Luv ... Moffy xxxx

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