Personal Address Book Clearout - i feel good!

To my online friends -

i am the type of person who will do anything for anyone. I view people with an open mind untill they show me they are different and selfish. ie treat others how you would want them to treat you,your mum or granny.

Please know i am not holier than you mentality!

A few weeks ago i had a hysterectomy. i was totally dependant on others- even the dog! i had a vertical cut which has meant my healing / mobility is taking longer than usual. for the first two weeks i didnt really want to see anyone. i let everyone know via texts etc. loads of people were wishing me well in the meantime. when i did feel better i let people know that i was ready for visitors. i was organised and booked them in!

i think you may know where this is going!!

There was one 'friend' who i have done so much for in emergencies and otherwise. she hasnt texted me, called me, visited, sent me a card, emailed me. she onlylives about a mile away and goes out walking her dog.

i am not bitter. i am not angry. i am a grown up and i realise that these things happen. Through many CBT / counselling sessions etc, i can put things into perspective. i am just disappointed.

so yesterday i went through the contacts list on my email account and mobile phone and she is now deleted. and i feel healthy good about it. not vindictive - just calm peaceful.

To be recommended!

sending you all love and feathers

xx

7 Replies

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  • i think what you did was a good thing and not a bad thing at all.

    i wish you a speedy recovery and hope you soon feel lots better.you have had a very big operation and your emotions will be all over the place anyway.if she was a really good pal she would have understood waited and text then come over to see you.

    its her loss not yours as you have now peace of mind exactly kind of person she was....

    ive stopped contact with quite alot of my friends either they took sides in my divorce or they dont get this illness. so by bye mates.

    have a good sunday.

    x

  • I've done the same over the years. People who I thought were true friends but then showed their colours. My only real friend moved to New York 4 years ago, but we still Skype, call, email or send written cards. Last year she bought me a ticket to go see her. It was amazing and something to cherish. We may not see each other regularly but when we do it's like we've never been apart; it's almost like shes my sister I never had. On the other hand, people who said they would visit while I've been so unwell still haven't so like you, I'm having a clear out again. Xx angie

  • Good on you Westgate, we dont need dead wood in our lives. I had a friend who put the phone down on me when I told her I had breast cancer, needless to say, she is no longer my friend. You know you always have your friends on this forum for support but its just a shame we all live so far away from each other we cannot offer practical help. All the best for your continued recovery, take care, love Angela xx

  • I dropped a load of girly friends last year who where selfish ect ect

    This year I have made some lovely friends but I am careful now with my choices and only help others if it is my choice ...

    I am far more relaxed and my fibro happier as well ...

    I don't expect anything back from anyone and give with a open heart, taken me a lot of years to learn ;-)

    So when nice things happen it is a real delight ...

    And no one who does not acknowledge me when out is off my face book ;-)

    soft hugs xxx

  • I totally agree with what you've done. A friend of mine recently had an op for bowel cancer and then chemo, and friends of their's who they had known. For years just staed away, no call/ text/ visit. What is a matter with people.

    Unfortunately I am doing the withdrawing, id rather chat to my online buddies than see anyone . I know it's not good to do but I feel I want to just crawl under my stone and hide. Seeing others I feel I have to put n a brave 'smiley' face , but it's got to the point I can't be bothered.

    Sending you hugs and hope you will be feeling much better soon xxxx

  • Hi Westgate,

    Firstly I wish you a speedy recovery, its hard enough to get over an op without fibro poking his unwanted nose in!!!

    "A friend in need is a friend indeed" comes to mind. A true friendship is a two way thing. There are a lot of people out there for whom friendship is take & not give. You are truely better off without them. We do not have the energy for ourselves, let alone waste it on mean, selfish people! Better to have a small circle of good friends than loads of wasters!

    Take care, gentle hugs to you. xx

  • thanks a lot folks! its really nice to know that third parties think i did the right thing too - reassuring xx

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