Fibromyalgia Action UK
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Hr coming to see me not sure what to tell them

I have just recently returned to work after 2 weeks off having had a flare up causing very bad anxiety etc. Having spoken to my Hr for the first time ever on a return to work telephone i/v I told that I have Fibro (recently diagnosed) RA and degenerative disc disease(wear and tear) I asked whether she had heard of fibro to which she reolied its that illness that effects some worse than others!!! On going through her questions she has agreed to have an assesment of my chair and desk etc ( she is 100 miles away in anither office) when asked am i happy in my role I could not answer as I am really strssed out at work and have been for around 18 months my boss is a bully unfortunately. My question to you all is she is now coming to visit me on Monday and I am not sure what I shpuld be telling her about my illness and whether she will be helpful? I do not want anything I tell her to go to my bully boss but I really need some understanding from my employer as to my medical circumstances as I still want to work. Apologies for the long post....

17 Replies

Under the Equality at work act 2010 I am sure that the combination of your illnesses would class you as disabled. Therefore your company need to make all reasonable adjustments to your work station etc that is required which it looks like she is prepared to do. I can't really think the nature of your problems can easily be kept from your boss as surely HR would have to give some explanation as to why the adjustments are being made. That you would be classed as disabled could strengthen your position with the bully boss (by the way they are normally bullies as they are actually incompetent at their own jobs and their fear of failure comes out as aggression). Also if you were dismissed because of your illness that they knew about your condition could help you.

Are you a member of a trade union I would urge you to get advice and perhaps join one as if you have them behind you it can really help your case. Good luck with it all and please let us know how you get on.x


Hi Rosewine thank you so much for your reply having just been off work with stress/anxiety caused 100% by my workplace enviroment I am angry having worked with her for 12 years she has turned on me in the last 18 months for no known reason... we are only a staff of five and I used to be her number 2 ....

I do feel strong at the moment due to increase in my medication and I need to stay strong when it all starts next week. In an ideal word I would love to be in control of my illness and enjoy my work .....

I will be very well prepared on Monday and I will probably have to whistleblow big time but in all honesty she deserver it.

I will keep you posted have a great day x


Hi Bellydot Awe poor you, what a stress. I see rosewine has given you brilliant advise already and I can't really add to that except to encourage you to tell them everything. If they tell your boss, so be it, you need it to be dealt with, you can not do a good job if you are being intimidated by your boss. If I were you I would make sure to have an advocate with you to support you, preferably someone that knows the law in the work place and employment policies etc. so they know you are serious. This is very serious, 2016 you should not have to put up with this bullying by your boss.

I wish you luck with it all my friend & pls. let us know on Monday how it all went.

Peace, luv n light

Jan x


Hi Jan

We are only an office of 5 and my bullying boss is one of them!!! I agree it is very serious but it is a big jump to whistleblow and suffer the consequences that I know are going to come... but I now realise that keeping quiet for the alst 18 months has had such a big effect on my health and I need this to stop.

Thank you for all of your kind words and I will keep everyone updated x


Yes honey I completely understand what the consequences could be like but you kind of have to let happen whats going to happen first before you can do anything about it, but he will know if he does put a foot wrong, he will be the one out the door and not you.

I would even go so far as buying myself a little recording devise 'winks' lol

Its a very difficult position you are in but you must do whats best for you my friend, its ok us advising you what we would do but we are not in your position. You deffo need an advocate with you because HR wont like that, believe me, its not like it used to be, bosses cant get away with that now.

If your not in a union, you can join today and they will help you and discrimination in the work place is there favorite subject lol so they would tear your boss to peice's, he wouldn't even be able to look at you let alone bully you.

I do hope it gets sorted for you my friend,

Luv Jan x


Hello bellydot- I worked for the NHS until july this year, I took early retirement, I had the backing of a union rep throughout the absences leading up to retirement. I,ll list for you things to be wary of when asking HR to do home visit.

1, make yourself a word document of how your conditions affect your daily life, put down worst case scenario, keep this filed for future incase you need to claim benefits.

2. Have a companion/ representative with you at this meeting to ensure the meeting is accurately documented-make HR aware you are doing this.

3, make sure you sit in a dining chair that has back rest and is higher off the floor than your arms chairs(don't be seen slumped in a comfy chair and be seen to get out of it with ease) if you are saying you have muscular skeletal problems they need to see how you cope,

4. ask you companion to make tea/coffee and explain that lifting kettles and cups are a danger at present because of your pain (this should be in your word doc too),

5. if you have any splints, supports are crutches etc make sure you use them this day and that they re visible, don't put make -up on or do your hair, they will assume you,ve managed that chore..If possible stay in your nightware and a dressing gown and say you only get dressed on days you have to go outdoors as its too painful otherwise (this should be in your word doc too)

6, Now the bullying- has anyone whitnessed this? wether or not you MUST divulge this behaviour, I was with a so called nurse who was like working with a rabid dog most days and she got away with it for months until several other staff decided to complain on mass, firstly to management-nothing done just slap on the wrist, then again with union rep present and then again with HR present.. Management were aware of her behaviour and used menopause as excuse-we worked in obs & gynae for god sake-she was with the very people who could help her with that, eventually she was sent on long term leave and she has retired I have learned. Document what has been going on, belittlement, rudeness, emotional stress, all these things come under Safegaurding in the workplace and all Employers know it!

Good luck let us know how it goes, this is your big chance to sort things.

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Hi Caz thank you for replying to me. HR are coming to the workplace where we have only 5 staff members one of which is the MD and the one who I have worked with for 12 years and over the past 18 months has bullied me. Yes I have kept notes of two main incidents the second of which our office manager was present and looked really embarrased with the words being thrown at me... Like your senario my bully has a heroin addict son at home and I expect she will use this as her so called excuse when it all comes out but issues with him should not be brought into the workplace and we are all fed up with her behaviour.

I know this is my chance to sort things out but it will probably cost me my job and whilst I would have won it naming and shaming her I will be redundant which is going to be hard x

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That's really a negative look at things, there are laws in the workplace to protect you and there Is No excuse for bullying of any kind, ignore what we see on THE SOAPS, they are typically bad employers, this is only a small part of your grievance, you need to convince the employer to make adjustments for you at work and they MUST its the LAW. You have given that workforce 12 years of your life, there are laws to protect you, make sure someone is with you at this meeting that is also your right! I.m not sure redundancy is an option nor could it be legal unless they are closing down? if you are close to 60 or over then go back to work if you can, find out about early ill health retirement ( I have a Welfare Rights officer in my town who is superb) and there could be help on our forum.


Your right but I am a half glass full person in addition to my stress and anxiety issues. However after reading the replies from everyone on here today I feel much more positive about seeing her on Monday and ensuring that its me that needs to be looked after.

Thank you


Hello Bellydot

I am so sorry I missed your post somehow!

I have been in a very similar situation to you. Please do make sure that you have some sort of representation with you at your meeting.

You have the right to have someone present.

I would usually advise you to seek the help of a Disability Advocate but as time is running short, why don't you get in touch with our Benefits Adviser Janet?

Here are all of her contact details:

When I reported bullying in my workplace it just made everything a whole lot worse. I can see that you are prepared for that, so make sure you keep a diary of what happens afterwards, if anything.

Make notes of dates, times, etc of what has been said. This sort of information can come in very usefully if, in the future, you need it.

Please do make sure you have someone with you, even if it is a friend or family member.

Good luck with your meeting. I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Lu xx


Hi Bellydot

I can see that you have had some wonderful advice and replies so I will simply and sincerely wish you all the best of luck with you meeting with HR. Please take care of yourself.

All my hopes and dreams for you



Hi Bellydot

Last year I was in a similar situation to you.I Have RA but the symptoms are not so different.

My team leader said to me "that's what Mary Berry has and she still has to cook on tv"- not very sympathetic and at the Itime Mary Berry wasn't lying In a hospital bed recovering from 2 episodes of kidney failure.

This team leader couldn't wait to,get HR and occupational health involved.At the time I was really worried that she was trying to,push meout iof my role.My hubby kept saying no don't worry that's what they are there for to fight for equal rights and fair play for you.

They will complete an external assessment and will send their recommendation thru to your boss as what needs to,be done to accommodate your disability..They will.also,ring back after a couple of weeks to check this has been done

I didnt realise it the,time but HRand OccyHeath,were the best friends I had.

Under the 2010 Equality Act you will be covered under certain aspects.

They may probably ask for access to your medical Records I was happy to do,this then they can see just what I,was up against every day.Not only RA but chronic kidney disease stage 4"diabetic type 2 ,osteoarthritisRecurrent Dvts ,ulceratelegsvfollowing blood clots etc.and also aqueous haemmorrage in my eye following pressure building upafterbmy kidneys it's all, there in black and white take it anyway they wish I had nothing to hide.

Suddenly now they realise that I was not making it up it was that I,should never had been in work on those days.

I then worked from home but it became evident that they were getting every penny of their monies worth out of me Some nites I Would be working at 11.30 Pm..

Take legal advise.take as much info about your condition you can print off to give them to read up on your condition .They clearly have no,idea just how this affects you on a daily basis?

They cannot sack you for being ill so you are in a,strong position.

Just be honest and open with HRand Occy Health and I am sure you will find them as helpful as I did.

Good Luck and take care,



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Hi Bellydot you've been given some much needed advice here I myself have been on sick since April last year I had conversation in Nov last year with my boss which ended with him putting phone down on me my firm is small mot as small as yours maybe 33/36 people there my boss is a bully as well what is it with people of authority being bullies 3 years ago my run (I'm a driver) had 2 drivers all of a sudden the other driver got moved leaving a 2 driver run left to me on numerous occasions I voiced my opinion not to be heard also went without my dinner we had 10 drivers and apart from my run they did 4 runs I was doing 7 run up my own backside I got spoken to like crap off supervisor if I moaned as he put it this from a man that lived 2 town away so could not understand what I was doing I used to get angry and upset to the point it was 3/4 times a week I'd cry to my hubby this went on for a year in the January I went to see gp over pains I was getting turned out I had pleurisy she asked the big question anything else working you omg it opened a can of worms I sobbed told her very thing with a argument I gave in and let her put work related stress on sick note hubby took it to work the morning after I had hand delivered letter asking when I felt up to it to phone I left it for a week then phoned in which boss said he had no idea what had gone on everything changed I panicked over nothing 2 day ago I had meeting with boss who asked me to resign as he wanted me off the books stood my ground told him no he's now requested medical evidence from gp good luck for Monday hun will be thinking of you listen to ALL advice xx


Hi Bambamsnan I can relate to your situation my female boss is a bully which after working with her for 12 years has only come out in the last 18 months with some vicious accusations towards me which I truly do not understand? i think she wants me out? but I willl only go when I am ready. I could have had stress on my last sick note but I was not sure if I wanted that can of worms opened but believe me if the meeting on Monday does not go the way I want it to I will be going to my docs on Tuesday to get signed off with stress..... I have had enough but I must stay strong...

Have a great weekend

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Yes Bellydot stay strong but if as you said it doesn't go your way don't feel as though you have to put up with it as you said go gp work related stress mine should of had pleurisy but when the tears came she new it was stress I have a brilliant gp who has always supported me good luck hun let me no how you get on xxx


Hi Crusee I feel so much better having read your email for the last 18 months I have been dragging myself into work having been diagnosed with RA I also had a herniated disk 2 years ago which even though it was fixed it still left me with chronic back pain, I love my job but on hindsight I should have taken the days off when I needed to and now in the past month being diagnosed with Fibro I have had enough. My line manager has no comppasion I have known her for 12 years and I know what she thinks about aniexty-depression and long term illness....

I know they cannot sack me I have decided that I will take it slowly with Hr and initially just concentrate on her knowing my health issues and understanding what she can do for me I will keep you updated

have a great weekend

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Good morning everyone just wanted to give yu a quick update from my meeting yesterday. My HR lady was young and when i asked whether she knew much about fibro she said no not really one of my friends has it and I believe everyone has different types of flare ups!! I was so annoyed as she had had time to at least google what fibro is all about, I produced the leaflet that the consultant had given me and read the first paragraph out to her and said that is me.....

I really do not think she understands my health issues at all and even though I felt better having told her I do not think that anything will come out of the meeting i will have to wait and see for her notes back to me which she says will now be after xmas!!!

Anyway I hope everyone is feeling well today and lets try and enjoy the build up to xmas my favourite time of the year x


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