Feel as if i have had enough

[lindamorgan]

I don't know what is wrong with me, everything seems to be going ok, but i just feel like i have had enough of everything. I feel down and fed up, i have my grandaughter living with me, but at the mo she is not much help, she is going through the attitude stage, although she is 17. I am tired and just want to be on my own. I took my grandaughter on when her Mum moved away as she was in her last yr of school, i have had a few probs with her with regards to college and with all the other things that have been going on in my life recently i am seriously wondering if i have done the right thing in taking her on. I have brought my kids up, they are all in their 30's. i have been through the teenager stage and all the things that come with it. I love her to bits but not feeling well etc i just feel i have taken on to much and am finding it hard to cope. I feel like i am in demand all the time, what with my family, my community work and other things, it is all proving to much. I am fed up with feeling so tired and in pain on top of everything else. Sorry for going on but i felt like getting things off my chest

[Mazz64]

Hi linda. don't apologise, that's what we are here for, to listen and help others if we can.

You have taken on a lot, like you said you have brought up your own children, you have done more than your bit by having your granddaughter live with you, I'm sure she knows how much you love her, but you must look after your own needs as well. Can you speak to her and her mother about this? it really isn't your job to be worrying about your granddaughter. I would ask your daughter to have her go live with her, I'm sure she can go to college where her mother lives. your granddaughter may be upset for a while but she will get over it, you need to rest and have your own life, Fibro is bad enough with out have this responsibility as well.

sending you gentle hugs

Mazz xx

[Fibrofoggiest]

Hi Linda, I agree, with Mazz, you need to take care of you now, as you say you've done your bit with bringing up your children and now you need your own time and space and not the problems of teenagers, albeit nearly grown up ones. I am sure something could be arranged for her to go back and live with her mother, especially if you are having problems with her. Again, as Mazz says, she may initially be upset, but she will get over it, youngsters do, and you need to put your needs first and foremost now, you have got more than enough to contend with now, without having to carry the extra load of your granddaughter. it is putting extra demands on what little resources you have and that can't be allowed to continue.

I suggest that you have a very quiet talk, not argument, about it with your daughter and don't back down, be strong and get it sorted out so that your granddaughter can make a new start at the beginning of next year ! I hope very much that your daughter will understand you have needs that have to be taken into consideration and that she will assist you in this process. Feel free to message me any time if you feel it may help

Foggy x

[Hidden]

Know how you feel. I babysit a lot and it is hard work. The trouble is our kids take it for granted that we will do it. I also work part time so don't have much spare time. I can't remember getting help when mine were young. I have 8 grand children. No wonder I am knackered

[TheAuthor in reply to Hidden]

Hi Holly1950

I am impressed - You don't look after 8 grandchildren all at one time do you? We only have 2 and they are a handful but we love them to bits. I have fibromyalgia and my wife has primary progressive MS. So its difficult looking after little ones. Our daughter and son-in-law both work (we do as well) so the phone is forever ringing - dad, dad, can you just..... But I am sure you know the feeling!

Take care and all my hopes and dreams for you.

Ken (the author) x

[Mazz64]

I have told my daughter if she has children, I will only be available for fun times and emergencies

[TheAuthor]

Hi lindamorgan

Tell her how you feel. You clearly love her without reservation and you have given her a stable and caring family environment therefore it would probably stand to reason that she is as reasonable and as loving as you. She may genuinely have no idea of how you feel? I am a father and grandfather I know where you are coming from but I would never have underestimated how much my children love me and therefore I am as honest with them as I expect them to be with me.

Love is the greatest gift that we have in our lives, children love without reservation whether they are ours or our grandchildren. Always remember that to the people in our lives who love us that we are the most special people in whole wide world but sometimes they need reminding of that fact. Just tell her, what do you have to lose?

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken (the author) x

[Hidden]

Hi theauthor, the most I have are 5 at once, but no babies

[TheAuthor in reply to Hidden]

Hi Holly1950

That is still a lot of work! WOW! I think it must be a man thing, I get flustered when my grandson wants a drink when I am trying to change my granddaughters nappy (he!he!).

All my hopes and dreams for you

Ken (the author) x

[Hidden]

Hi Linda, I truly believe that the people that are kind, giving, and help others usually ignore their own needs and unfortunately pay a price in the end. Usually it comes on just as you described. Feeling down, overwhelmed and sick. Unfortunately, the more we give, the more people will take, be it your time, money, food housing, etc. They may not be aware of it, but they are clearly taking advantage of your kindness.

When we start feeling overwhelmed, when must make changes in our lives where we can take care of ourselves first. Whatever you do, don’t feel guilty about wanting your own space and time for yourself. Be honest with your family about how you are feeling and tell them that things must change. If they don’t understand then that is their problem, not yours. If you don’t take care of yourself, you may become really sick and unable to help anyone. If your grandaughter has a place to go that is safe, then talk to her parents and don’t let them make you feel guilty. Be strong.

The best advise is the advise we give others. So ask yourself, what advise would you give someone that was in your situation. Good luck.

[lindamorgan]

Well another problem arose this morning. i went to bed about 10 30pm last night, leaving my grandaughter down stairs. I feel asleep quite quickly although was up very early this morning. Found a text on my phone from my grandaughter, can Cameron stay. the text was sent at 1 15am, my phone was on silent. anyway cut a long story short, i went and looked in on her, only to find a lad in her bed in his underpants and them asleep together. Fuming to say the least, i blew my top. told her i wanted him out of the house in 5mins, anyway he went and i told her straight i livid that she had brought a young man into my house with out my permission. she just said sorry and went back to bed. I was so so cross i had to get out of the house. Am i wrong in getting angry with her?

[Lucyhobbit]

Absolutely not. I imagine she knew you wouldn't allow it, hence the very late text rather than waking you up to ask if it would be okay. As everyone else has said you must put yourself first, and if she is still to stay with you, then you have to lay down some rules that she must stick to (whether she likes it or not) I certainly would have turfed the young man out of the house and she'd have got a massive lecture from me (but then I'm quite good at that kind of thing). I hope you can get something sorted out soon, *gentle hugs*