Feeling so down:(

This might be a long post so please bear with me.im pretty new to this site. I've had fibro for over three years. I lost my career to it,I owned my own florist shop. I've lost my direction,I'm 44 years old and don't know which way to turn. I'm a single parent to a girl and boy aged 16 and13. I do have fibro pretty bad but I've been trying to improve things,I've lost 3.5 stone in weight,I see a counsellor,I've been going to the gym for over a month now. You would think things would be better wouldn't you but my mental health is all over the place. I've become obsessed that I don't have a partner,it plagues me constantly but deep down I know I couldn't sustain a relationship,who would want me like this? It's not only that,I've had two abusive marriages. The father of my kids left me for someone else when I had post natal depression. It hasn't helped that I saw them both yesterday,sheer bad luck really. But he left me ten years ago. Since then I've lost both my parents,my mum just over a year ago. I've not been good since she died and that's why I chose to get counselling. Now she has gone I am major lonely even though I have my kids. When the kids go to their dads I've become terrified of being on my own. I've gone from this fairly confident business woman to a neurotic shell. I am so embarrassed. I just don't know what to do next just got to hope the counselling starts to work. I've also been on a new medication regime with a metabolism expert to do with my thyroid. I'm trying so hard to make life better but I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

13 Replies

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  • Not sure this is of much use to you but I'm sending you a huge virtual hug .

    This illness is horrible, it changes you .

    On here we all understand how you feel, and I wish I had something more positive to offer you .

    I hope your counselling helps you to get things straightened out in your mind .

    Hugs

    Helen xx

  • hi teddysmum43

    sorry to hear of your loss.

    we all know how you feel on here as helen said and i personally can relate to how your feeling i was feeling that way just over 3 years ago but things do become easier and you will learn how to cope it is a long process but i promise you will get there just remember that you are still you a wonderful person dont let mr fibro beat you hun you show him who is boss mr fibro may be in your life now but he dosent rule who you are and in time i can honestly say you will feel better in your mind fibro does get you down and in a bad way and the flare ups are awful but just look in the mirror each day and say i am still me you have come into my life but you are not going to run it im not going to let you beat me mr fibro

    they main keys are to make sure you get enough sleep learn to pace yourself do gentle exercise when you can and eat a health diet make sure you are aware of which foods make your fibro worse and stay away from them ask your doctor to refer you to the pain clinic as this will help you and keep trying diff medications until you find one that does ease your symptoms it took me over 3 years to get my meds to a stage where i feel i can cope but dont get me wrong i do still have awful flare ups

    try and stay stress free if you can, easier said than done i know

    try not to think too much when you are alone instead make time for yourself pamper yourself listen to relaxing music

    most of all try and stay positive hun if you would like to chat anytime then give me a shout xxx big gentle hugs

  • sweetheart

    you are in a the abuse cycle i was there when you are abused you feel you are useless and that if you dont have someone anyone to think and do for you your life is over. I have written a four page guidence on this and will send itto you if you would like it. i walked away from from a 44 year abusive marraige and felt as you do now i still have days when i wont open the curtains go outside or let folks in.

    on the good side let me tell you this when you write about how you feel or even say it out loud you have taken the first step to healing you have taken action now lean on us to help you thru nothing you say is silly or not worth writing write to me on messages if you wish you need to believe that you mtter and are a goodmum and WILl get thru this the fibro is not helping the situation try to realise that it isseperate from the trauma ..please readmy butterfly and me post..... butterfly hugspetal

  • You are bringing up two children as a single parent. That's not easy for someone who is fit and well. Especially teenagers - I remember that! So of course it's hard. And they don't come with user manuals - so sometimes you'll get it wrong - that makes you human! It can also be very lonely - I remember that too!

    Remember when you had your business? You weren't useless then. And you're still the same person.

    You've managed to lose 3.5 stone? Wow! I wish I could do that. I can't even lose .5 stone!

    You're taking positive action - going to the gym, seeing a counsellor, sorting out your medication.

    All of these things demonstrate clearly that you are an amazing woman, who's had the bad luck to develop a horrible illness, who's had the misfortune to lose both her parents, and had past rotten relationships (and there seem to be so many of those around!) Of course life would be easier if you had your parents here to support you, or if you had a loving caring partner. But it sounds like in spite of the lack of support you are still coping.

    This illness is vile. It saps your energy - physical, mental AND emotional. You need to find ways of managing it that work for you. Most of all, you need to remember that your illness limits what you can do with your life, but it doesn't define YOU, and you sound amazing.

    I'm sure that if you look around the site, look back through past questions and blogs, you will find tips that will help you learn to manage your illness. You will also find plenty of support on this site.

    And there is no reason why, in time, you can't find a new partner. One who will love you for who you are, not for what you can (or can't) do. Just don't let the loneliness drive you into another bad relationship.

    Hugs xx

  • Hi I am a single mum but my two are 20 and 22 now, try to treat yourself a bath new shoes good book, and tackle one problem a time as they say Rome was not built in a day !

    It can be very lonely on your own my trigger point is bed time, i know this now so have a huge teddy to cuddle :-)

    Men do not put things right for mr personally they make me feel worse ...

    Huge hugs try to find some joy xxx

    Penny

  • Oh my goodness thank you so much for your replies I can't tell you how much it means to me. Faded blossom could you send me that info please it would be so helpful. I have been on a course with women's aid but it's like I've forgotten all the things they taught me. What you said about me being caught in the abuse cycle and not being able to think for myself without someone telling me what to think its sooo soo true and my mum was also part of this.i am having a very complicated grieving process I loved her dearly but my oh my I was so dependant on her. I'm dealing with all sorts of emotions and I am worse at weekends when I'm not so busy.

    Just writing this post has helped get rid of this horrible feeling. It gets so bottled up inside and I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe I should let it outa bit more often.

  • Hi Teddysmum,

    Alone you are doing a wanderful job bringing up your children and as going to Gym and losing 3.5 stone wow you have achieved so so much already! you have rid of the badness (the violent marriages) i been there too but thankfully never married (still say part of that contributed to now)

    You may of been in control of your own business but that is an extra challenge itsself and dedication of time etc etc and wehn got your bad times of suffering it is hard to keep up,

    Best to look after you and keep in control of FAB (as i call it and cannot say what it means as it is swearing) My friend chose the word for me as her Arthritis is called Arthur and i was sick of kind of feeling sorry so wanted a name she called it fab i did the rest heheheh..

    I used to go to gym so you are one above me in achieving things too.

    I run my own small business which has halved in 2yrs and i am devastated and trying to keep going for sake of paying bills but really struggling more and more as it is very physical work and i no longer can do it as the more i try to do the worse i feel!!

    Everyone on here is amazing and got such strength they give wise words and help and advice to best they can even though they sufferers too .

    i not sure what been burnt with a cig is or being set on fire but i would say that i feel like my whole body at times feels like its had one huge cig being stubbed on me lol

    I try and try to keep pre occupied and i have said to my hubby on many ocassions your only 41 please do not let me hold you back from enjoying life as i cannot help what has happend and trying to keep a smile is one of the hardest things day in day out ( we do have laughs and it helps)

    Mentally it does take over and Doctors say you must try put the symptoms at the back of your mind.....well i just say you tried doing that with a mega toothache or broken arm. it does not go away until 1. your toothache has been extracted or cured or 2. your broken arm has healed .. this is not like that it is forever and easier said than done!!

    if you ever ever want to private chat you are more than welcome i too ahve 4 kids but i do have help at home with hubby and kids as youngest is 11yrs old but i am VERY independant and always think..if i lived on my own i would HAVE to try and do things more. I can be awkward and stubborn lol...

    You say what you like and dont ever hold anything to yourself!!! xxxxxxxxsoft cloud huggles

  • Soory Everyone can i just add... i say it is here forever..who knows maybe one day it will not be i still think very positive and say it will go away..sometimes things are said and maybe it is not the case for everyone ohps xxxxx

  • teddys mum please either link with me on fb under faded blossom with a message who you are or email me knee.petal@gmail.com

  • Hi Teddy's mum, most of it has already been said and you've already discovered how much better just getting some feedback is on here.

    I can identify with the loss of status and the feelings of uselessness this brings. I had to give up my career finally in 2008 after years of struggling. It's very difficult going from being a professional woman to a 'benefit scrounger'. Exhausted my life savings when I ran out of energy to fight DWP.

    As others have said - how incredible to lose 3.5 stones. I find it difficult to lose any weight when I am so immobile. That is a major achievement and councilling does work although sometimes it takes time. I've had the abusive relationship stuff too and my reaction has been to spend my life on my own which makes me sad too but it is better than being abused.

    Please keep coming back to the forum. This works because we all help each other and one day your experience will be just what a new member needs to hear.

    Take care superstar.

    Whippet x

  • Thank you whippet I've never considered myself as a superstar! I really struggle to recognise the things I do,am far too quick to put myself down. I totally understand about using your savings,I am currently living off of my parents inheritance and that makes me feel just awful. Once that money has gone then that's it back on benefits if I can't get myself well enough to work again. I've been driving myself mad trying to think of something I can do with the money,maybe start up a business but having been through that before and making myself so unwell I'm just too frightened and I know at the moment I'm not well enough to work,however much I want to.

    I've just emailed the local riding for the disabled group to see if I can learn to ride and also use it as therapy as I just adore horses. Would be such an achievement if I can cope with the pain.

    I do agree about what you say about choosing not to be in a relationship,my intuition says I won't be in another relationship,I just cannot see it happening but for some reason it's really frightening me the thought of being on my own forever,maybe I just need to get my head around that. Where I live I am surrounded by families and couples,I'm the only one on my own and I feel out of place. I don't see any of my family except my kids as everyone else lives all over the country. It's the loneliness that's my main problem. I have two good friends and without. Them I don't know where I would be.

    I will carry on writing my blog,I think it could really help me :)

  • hi Teddysmum xx sending you some e-hugs. I can see that you've had some good responses to your cry for help, some good advice.

    what hit me was the positive steps you are taking to make changes in your life. take it steadily. better things will come in time. don't think about what you can't do, but what you can. you've had terrible loss and burdens to shoulder. many would crumble in such circs.

    get all the medical help you can and perhaps try a local social group to get you out of your solitary state during the day. don't forget the grass is always greener and some of those families you stare wistfully at could be arguing like cat & dog, bringing loads of stress to bear!

    meanwhile, don't write yourself off with another relationship. I took the internet dating step just over 2 years ago and almost immediately found Mr Right who was not put off by me having fibro and indeed does his utmost to help me now that we're living together. I never imagined after my divorce that life could change for the better so much. That could happen for you too one day xx

  • hi there!

    i used to work with women suffering domestic abuse. so from my standpoint - i stand and applaud you. You are a survivor, you survived, you are here to stand up and tell your story.

    However you got out - well done.

    everything else will fall into place. there is no magic wand, but there is light atthe end of the tunnel. Stick with the counselling. it may take a long time but it is so worth it.

    warmest hugs

    xx