I realise how stupid I've been. My marriage has finally collapsed & I moved out 2 months ago. A huge amount of our problems had been my husbands' inability to understand how much difficulty & pain I'm in or help me with running the large house that he wanted, while I ran myself into the ground trying to cope. In the end I had to leave before I committed suicide - I was that unhappy & desperate!
Luckily a fibro mate helped me leave & now I'm renting a flat in a retirement complex. It's wonderful. I have a very small one bedroomed flat, but I can more or less manage to cope with it. I eat if & when I want, go out or stay in, as I feel able. I'm totally independent but have help at hand if I become unwell. Apart from the legalities surrounding my divorce I can truthfully say for the first time in many years, I feel relaxed & at peace.
The blot on my life is my feelings of isolation.
I don't feel lonely - just very alone!
My family are many miles away, they say how much I'm loved & how they support me, yet no-one has visited or very rarely make any sort of contact. Why? Mainly because I cope, or rather they think that I do. Although they know about my fibro, angina, eyesight problems etc, I've never burdened them with my problems, I've always soldiered on - been a martyr I suppose. Stupid or what! Even now trying to make sense of the divorce papers through fibro fog - I still keep my problems to myself. I'm 60 & feel that my life has all sorts of exciting possibilities now, I've no regrets about leaving but wish that I could have a good old moan about how awful I feel sometimes, not often. It's so difficult being happy in most ways, but so miserable in others. My fibro mate has been terrific, she understands, but I know she has enough to cope with!
URGH!!! sorry to rant, pressure valve has been released. thanks for listening