feel so alone sometimes

I realise how stupid I've been. My marriage has finally collapsed & I moved out 2 months ago. A huge amount of our problems had been my husbands' inability to understand how much difficulty & pain I'm in or help me with running the large house that he wanted, while I ran myself into the ground trying to cope. In the end I had to leave before I committed suicide - I was that unhappy & desperate!

Luckily a fibro mate helped me leave & now I'm renting a flat in a retirement complex. It's wonderful. I have a very small one bedroomed flat, but I can more or less manage to cope with it. I eat if & when I want, go out or stay in, as I feel able. I'm totally independent but have help at hand if I become unwell. Apart from the legalities surrounding my divorce I can truthfully say for the first time in many years, I feel relaxed & at peace.

The blot on my life is my feelings of isolation.

I don't feel lonely - just very alone!

My family are many miles away, they say how much I'm loved & how they support me, yet no-one has visited or very rarely make any sort of contact. Why? Mainly because I cope, or rather they think that I do. Although they know about my fibro, angina, eyesight problems etc, I've never burdened them with my problems, I've always soldiered on - been a martyr I suppose. Stupid or what! Even now trying to make sense of the divorce papers through fibro fog - I still keep my problems to myself. I'm 60 & feel that my life has all sorts of exciting possibilities now, I've no regrets about leaving but wish that I could have a good old moan about how awful I feel sometimes, not often. It's so difficult being happy in most ways, but so miserable in others. My fibro mate has been terrific, she understands, but I know she has enough to cope with!

URGH!!! sorry to rant, pressure valve has been released. thanks for listening

8 Replies

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  • Ah, bless ya,i can only imagine how you must be feeling right now,and I am glad for you that you got away from the situation.

    Try to keep busy,I don't mean physically,more mentally,I there a support group in your area? Or do you have friends who you can chat with,maybe go out for lunch with or do things that you enjoy doing to keep your mind busy.

    I had a serious illness 2 years ago,and can honestly say that my grandchildren got me through it all,if it hadn't been for them keeping me busy I feel that I would have been in s really dark place. mentally.

    I do hope that you soon feel on s much better place.

    Take care Sandy.

  • Sorry about the spelling mistakes must be the drugs!

  • Hi Cobweb.

    I'm so pleased you are finding a positive new lease of life. It must have taken a lot of courage! But that feeling of isolation is so hard to deal with. Hopefully being part of this community helps you to know that there are many people who understand your health issues.

    Maybe there are other ways to create more contact with other people. It seems there are online groups for just about everything these days. For example, one of my nieghbours told me recently that she plays bridge online. And because it's a worldwide site, she can play in the middle of the night when she can't sleep! So maybe, if you have a hooby or interest, you can find new friends that way.

    Another thought - have you thought about Skype contact with your family? maybe if you can see each other face to face it will help them to see more clearly that although you are happy, you are still ill. And you may find it more satisfying than just a phone conversation. I love Skype, and enjoy talking to my grown up kids in this way.

    Good luck, and I hope you soon find more ways of enjoying your new life.

    xx

  • Hi Cobweb

    My ex-husband couldn't appreciate I was ill either (ME/CFS and mini-strokes at the time); he was convinced I was just lazy in mind and body and making it all up; he even didn't believe there was such a thing as insomnia until some of his colleagues from work said they suffered from it ... my word wasn't good enough for him. When we split up I missed the good times - but overall it was a relief to have some peace again. So I do totally understand where you are coming from.

    I have a lovely boyfriend now who also has a disability and suffers pain - I never imagined a relationship could be so giving and supportive - never under-estimate the benefits of on-line dating :-) .

    My lifeline is facebook, it helps me to keep up with old friends, re-engage with friends and family I had long since lost track of as well as make new friends - plus I play farmville lol; I've joined several groups too (mainly to do with David Cassidy and the Osmonds!) and made (and maintained) friendships that way too. I think using the computer to maintain a virtual social life (with real people of course) is wonderful.

    Take care

    Julie xxx

  • Even though your happy.its okay to feel the way you do.

    I was married sixteen years.and i just went off rails.

    It cost me dearly.

    Give yourself time to heal and move forward.your family do love you.

    I brought shame on mine getting a divorce but i dnt regret it.

    Part of me is really happy but theres another part that is miserable.

    Im just giving it time.you do the same please.

    Wont always be like this...x

  • We're all here to listen because on day we'll need to rant too whatever the circumstances.Chin Up.

  • thankyou for all your kind words, it really helps.

    I am starting to build up a social life, I know how important it is that I don't hide away & lose my confidence, but it's still the times when the miseries creep up on me! I suffer from chronic depression anyway but am really surprised that I've managed to keep more or less on top of it. I have very good friends who are supportive but they don't understand fibro, although they try.

    KazF I understand about friends on the internet, but you said a dirty word - Farmville! My husband became obsessed with it a year or so ago - he would play for 16+ hours a day, it really took him over, he wouldn't even leave the house incase his crops died! He did eventually stop after a year of rows over it, but recently he started something similar again. However I do talk on various forums, I'm big into holistic therapies so speak to a lot of people with similar interests, but it doesn't fill the gap for me. As for skype, for some reason my family are against it, it would be great to talk to my grandaughters, but heyho!

    I guess one of my biggest sorrows is that I had to part with my animals as I couldn't find a flat where I could bring them. I'm so used to having my pets around me, but the most heartwrenching thing was rehoming my little yorkshire terrier, she meant everything to me. For weeks I couldn't even say her name without crying.

    Oh dear I didn't intend this to be another moan, I'll blame it on another on-line row with my husband since I last wrote, this time because I loaned a little windmill to my neice, without his consent ( it's taken 8 weeks for him to notice it's gone!!!!!)

    I think there's one safe bet - I'm off men for life! Unless an absolute miracle happens, at the age of 60, having dedicated 30 years to a lazy, dictatorial bully, I can't go through it again.

  • So sorry to hear about what happened Cobweb. I think you will find in time that it was the right thing to do. Once you have adjusted and a bit of time has gone by, you will feel better about it all. You also did the right thing regarding your pets, I can imagine how upsetting this was for you, but it would have been worse to take them knowing they weren't allowed. They are settled where they are. It will get easier with time, you will remember them fondly and it won't hurt so much.

    Regarding feeling alone, have you considered joining a local support group? This will not only be social company for you but you would be with like minded people who understand how you feel with your Fibro etc. It's amazing how therapeutic it is to have a chat with someone who completely understands how you think and feel. Here is a link to our main site which gives info about support groups, I hope there is one near you -

    fibroaction.org/serverpages...

    Take care Cobweb, you're amongst friends here who understand how you feel. :)

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