Feeling so unwell and so low :(

[beckyglen]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while cos uni has been so hectic!

I don't really know where to start or if I will even make sense. I went to pain clinic for the second time about 4 weeks ago. They said I had to stop buTrans patch dr had prescribed straight away as it does not work on fibro pain. Said I had to gradually stop duloxetine and start on nortriptyline working up to 50mg per night. Am now upto 40mg per nite - not sure if it is helping yet- doesn't feel like it

I have been very emotional - either crying all the time or very angry- not sure if it is cos of pain, not sleeping more than 4 hours per nite (if I'm lucky), stopping duloxetine or hormones. Speaking of hormones- that is the next problem- I have not had a period for almost a year.

My Dr did tests for PCOS but they came back normal. I have all the symptoms of it tho so Dr has referred me to gynae to find out what is going on.

Also now being tested for diabetes so so fed up don't know what to do. None of my friends or family understand and have become totally fed up of me. I have become very quiet and withdrawn from everyone.

I saw a counsellor for CBT in 2010 and decided to call them to get an appt to see someone. I really hope it helps. I feel like I have lost myself and that fibro has taken over my life.

I have also put on an enormous amount of weigh over the last 4 years - 6 stone!! The pain and exhaustion have made it practically impossible to do any exercise anymore. I am unrecognisable from the 25 year old who was in the Royal Navy and very keen runner and horse rider.

I'm really finding my last year at uni so difficult too. Just don't know how to help myself anymore

Gentle hugs to all xxx

[butterflygirl1]

Oh poor you, you do sound like your going through the ringer, honestly if it is not one thing it is another and it is no help when people who are suppose to love and support you turn their back on you. Fibro can take over your life and leave you feeling vulnerable mainly because your in pain most of the time and also tired, I spend most of my days lying on the settee I cannot physically or mentally work it really does take its toll. I used to work full time but they had to let me go even though they tried everything they could to get me back into work. What are you studying at Uni? the counsellor might be the best option for you try and talk things through you need someone to listen and try to understand what your going through. You will find yourself again but you need to take time and learn that you have this now and must slow down and do things differently, my brain is willing but my body isn't I find it really hard to pace myself and I know that I can over do things and then I end up in bed for a couple of days. Its horrible but I am one of the lucky ones that my partner and family love and support me and have taken the trouble to find out about my illnesses. You may find yourself going through some kind of bereavement for the life you had and that's okay, its normal just remember all of us on this site have been there or are going through it you are not alone we all understand. I really do hope that the counsellor is able to help. Sending you gentle fluffy chocolate hugs xxx

[beckyglen]

Thank u so much butterfly girl, I am sat here crying reading your post - I have been lucky that I have not yet lost anyone close to me but it does feel like what I imagine grieving feels like. I just can't seem to get to the acceptance stage - I think I'm ok and then it creeps up on me again. I try to keep telling myself to stop moaning and get on with it and I know that there are a lot if people out there who have things so much worse than me.

I am doing a nursing degree - I was training to be a medic in the RN but wS medically discharged in 2009. I decided to do nursing degree cos it is what I want to do and don't want to let fibro stop me - it is just so hard now tho! Going from being an A grade student to hardly keeping up

I am terrible at pacing too - can't seem to get the hang of that ! Lol

Thank u for the lovely hugs - same to you xx

[crop in reply to beckyglen]

I've just ordered a book someone on this site spoke about. It's called How to be Sick by Toni someone. All about acceptance. It might be helpful for you. Also The First Year: Fibromyalgia advises on how to get your head around it all. I'm newly diagnosed and trying to do that! Wishing you lots of luck and a big but very gentle hug xx

[haribo36 in reply to beckyglen]

Hi beckyglen,I think the acceptance part of having this illness is the hardest part to get your head around and certainly takes a lot of time.So please do be kind on yourself.Ive had fibro for 8 years now and when I first got diagnosed I was very angry and fought against it for so long.I do still struggle with the acceptance of it from time to time especially when symptoms are bad but iam a lot more gentle on myself now and accepting of my feelings.You do have to go through a grieving process where you can experience feelings of anger,denial,depression and I can't remember the other ones but it would be helpful to google the greiving process cos then at least you would know that it is "normal" to feel the way you do and it is something that takes time to get through.Please do be gentle on yourself and accept that you need help and support to get through it.Iam also a qualified RGN nurse,however I became ill after I trained and had to stop nursing as I couldn't work anymore.It is a very rewarding career and I do miss the one to one interactions with patients and listening to their stories.I never dreamed at the time that one day it would be me in constant pain and in need of care myself.I admire the fact that you can do your nurse training with fibro,I do hope that you have informed them of your illness and that you are getting all the help and support you can.I think being a nurse and having this illness will make you more understanding and empathetic to your patients and give you a better connection with them.If you can bear that in mind and get all the help you can iam sure that you will be able to achieve your degree.I think that having counselling would certainly help you as well,good luck

[beckyglen in reply to haribo36]

Thanks so much for your lovely post Haribo. I really appreciate your advice and kind words! Gentle hugs to you xx

[beckyglen]

Thanks very much Crop- I will look for those books.

Gentle hugs back to u

Xx

[butterflygirl1]

Hi Beckyglen, how are you feeling today? sending you very gentle fluffy hugs xx

[beckyglen in reply to butterflygirl1]

Hi butterfly girl, thank u for asking- it is really kind of you! I am still in a lot of pain and am only getting about 3 hours sleep per nite at the mo. I had to leave uni early today cos pain was so bad sitting still for so long

How ru doing today?

Gentle hugs back to you xx

[butterflygirl1 in reply to beckyglen]

Hi Beckyglen I am so sorry your not sleeping well have you tried any herbal sleeping pills they can perhaps get you back into a pattern. I completely know where your coming from with the sitting it can be really, really painful hot water bottles are good or heat patches but you know sometimes you really do have to listen to your body and rest, rest, rest :). I know its not always easy, can you do your Uni work at home? I am lying on the settee with hot water bottles on my back, just taken some painkillers while typing this, also if you can get yourself a V shaped pillow I have one for downstairs and one for up they are brilliant as they support your neck and back in one go. they are not expensive I think I paid £10 for mine. The cold weather is not helping getting warm is such an effort but I hate being cold, my body is screaming at me just now which I suspect yours is too I really, really hope you get some relief soon flare ups are not good. Sending you very, very gentle fluffy chocolate hugs xx