Feeling really crap physically and mentally,in need of some support :(

[haribo36]

Hi to all my fibro family! Iam not in a good space ATM.Today iam shattered and have bad pain in my stomache,back,neck and shooting pain from my left buttock going down my thigh.I feel sick and dizzy and quite depressed.I had another evening of overheating rubbish which flares up the Ibs symptoms.I need to stop doing it as it is making me ill.Does anyone else comfort eat in the evening? The dosulepin which I take in the evening makes me want to eat sugary things and I have put some weight back on that I lost.Iam in a difficult relationship where he is 17 years my junior which I have posted about previously.

We are giving it a last go but I don't see it working for much longer as iam not happy.I feel like I would be better on my own with my two kids but am frightened of being on my own and the only support I have is two carers.I don't like the home I live in,it's a private rented two bed bungalow and is too small for my kids.I need to move but have put that on hold as I haven't got the energy to move ATM.I struggle to pay everything,bills etc.. On my benefits despite having all the benefits iam entitled to.Since the weather has changed my physical and mental health has gone downhill.My g.p has given me a referral form for CBT counselling which iam going to try again.I haven't mentioned to her how I feel as I do not want to increase my dosulepin but would like to change to one that dosent increase your appetite.During the summer I was so much better,iam dreading winter.I want to get a bit better so I can exercise and want to do a course in something creative like flower arranging,painting etc plus I would like to try voluntary work as well.Sorry for going on,sometimes you just need to vent a bit.Hope you all not suffering too bad

[Julie63]

Sorry to hear you sounding so low haribo. I am sorry to hear that your relationship is suffering, but perhaps it is true that you need to be one your own for a while, just to get yourself sorted? Have you had your bloods done recently? My daughter had to go on high doses of vitamin D as she was so deficient - she was feeling very low at the time, but perked up after taking the supplements. However, you both are sounding like you are being affected by the change in the weather - my daughter is definitely a summer person - she's done nothing but moan about everything since the weather changed - we both are now thinking she has SAD. Perhaps your gp could also discuss that with you? I think that telling him that you don't want to increase your meds, but need to change - I was on Citalopram for my depression until the gp said it interacted with my amitriptyline, so I had to stop them. Perhaps that would do the trick? Plus something like a light machine, I've heard they are very good to help people with SAD?

Sending you positive thoughts, lots of love & Big, gentle, hugs,

Julie xxx

[haribo36 in reply to Julie63]

Many thanks for your reply Julie! Iam going to make an appointment with my g.p to discuss how I feel and ask about vitamin D and SAD.I have wondered if I might be affected by SAD.I will also discuss my dosulepin as well.Thanks for your concerns and hugs,they are very much appreciated xx

[Lucyhobbit]

*gentle hugs*

[haribo36 in reply to Lucyhobbit]

Thanks for your hugs xx

[Ginsing]

Dear sweet Haribo darlin you need to pick yourself up dust yourself off make a cup of tea and review the situation. If you pain is hellish today do you need to visit the doc again and check over your meds. Have you told him all this? I know you have mentioned your partner before if it is working fantastic If it is not welll only you know the real answer. Perhaps you should sort this first and then tackle the family your housing how do they feel about all this have you chatted with them openly and explained your problems and ad them how they feel,

After all that I am here well we all are ready to help if we can I make a pretty good crutch. Incidentally I started life teaching lower arranging then took my degree ad moved on to Floristry and logistics before I had my own retail establishment selling all sorts from Zany games to the most beautiful specialist glass.

At one point I was going to teach Dutch students by video cam hysterical I do love a good laugh.

So try to find a smile for me gentle hugs .

xxgins

[jillylin]

Very gentle hugs

Jillyxx

[haribo36 in reply to jillylin]

Thanks jillylin xx

[Hidden]

Vitamin D deficiency causes deep depression and pain. You have to have

that level checked. You might get a big loading dose and then taper off

to 2000IU per day. I cannot even express how being low on it dragged me down.

People get up out of wheelchairs after treating that deficiency. I am not a vitamin

and mineral fanatic but I have seen marvelous results after getting those levels

up in many people. Please don't self treat with this vitamin and never take it

immediately before a blood test..especially big doses. A daily vitamin will probably

not raise your levels much. My immediate suggestions are to sit in front of a big

window on a sunny day and take in the warmth of the sun. It can heal like a

heating pad can as well..The first priority has to be to getting you feeling a little

more energetic and in a better mood for yourself to take on big decision making.

Also I am thinking that your husband might think that if he leaves you alone,

you will heal..maybe he's actually thinking that some of the pain is from him.

So I would say, get a simple meal on the table for yourself and the kids and then

to heck with the housework..read a good book or watch some good television

for the rest of the day or the next 2 days. Sleep when you are tired until you

feel better and then pace yourself as you clean or straighten up around the house.

Try not to think about leaving for now...I hope to see you on here a little more

so that everyone on this forum can give you a little inspiration and motivation..

it's hard to pull your own self up by the bootstraps..that's why you have us...and

vent all you want. Without a doubt, this is the group that listens and tries hard

to suggest, understand what your family doesn't and we will cheer you on as

you start walking away from depression and worry. The first thing that you need

to do is call right now to get an appointment with the GP so he/she is on board

with you and they can address the vitamin D deficiency and/or start you up

on a new medicine or adjust your dosage..If you can get some veggies into the

house -even a vegetable tray with some dip will help you a whole lot. The

constant crunching and munching will be good for you. I'm here if you want to

talk or tell me where to go - I don't want to be pushy but you have every sign of

Vitamin D deficiency..and I do hope that it is because it's very treatable.

[haribo36 in reply to Hidden]

Hi there,many thanks for your reply! I forgot to mention that he is my boyfriend,iam divorced.I have been with him nearly two years,and we don't live together,in fact I don't see him that much as he works in different places all the time.He is 22 and iam 39 and the age differences are showing now.I will make an appointment with my g.p to ask about the blood test,should I get anything else checked as well?Are you a nurse?as Iam a qualified nurse and used to work in a hospice.I had to give it up though as became too ill to work.I don't really like veggies that much but I could try doing some carrot sticks and get some dips.Its got to be better than biscuits and chocolate spread! I've also given up on the housework as well as it causes too much pain.I pay someone out of my budget from social services to clean the house once a week so I won't stress about that! Just my son who uses the floor and all over the house as a rubbish bin!Thanks for your concern xx

[suffolklass]

Hi Haribo

Sorry you're having such a bad time. The change in the weather does cause all sorts of different aches, pains and feelings for us.

Did your GP give you an idea of how long you would have to wait for CBT? Just thinking it might be good to do it before you make any final decisions about your relationship? It could give you a bit of confidence to stay or go.

It took me a few CBT courses for some of it to sink in. Our NHS area has a Wellbeing service which you can self refer. They assess you to find out the best service they can offer; group sessions for various aspects or one to one.

I have never had dosulepin but used to have mirtazapine which I found made me eat and eat, especially after the kids had gone to bed. I was changed to duloxetine, which I was worried about because I sometimes have suicidal thoughts but I had to be totally honest with my GP. I no longer eat and eat and have not had suicidal thoughts since about a month after starting.

My advice would be not to make a big decision until you know it is the right one so give yourself the chance to make the right one for you and your family.

I'm on my own with 2 kids similar ages to you, if you ever want to have a chat then please pm me and we can.

Wishing you strength.

Is xx

[haribo36 in reply to suffolklass]

Aww,thanks so much,I may just take you up on that offer! I will ask my g.p about that anti-depressant.Iam also taking pregabalin which also makes you eat but for me it's after I take the dosulepin in the evening so iam 99 percent sure that it is that.Thank you so much for your help,it is very much appreciated

[suffolklass in reply to haribo36]

I have a boy, 13 (almost 14) and a girl, 7, a little bit further on than your 2 boys. My daughter can be a real handful, much more trouble than her brother has ever been!

I drop in most days for a nose so am about.

I hope you get to see y our GP soon. Keep in touch. Xx

[haribo36]

Hi yikes! My two boys are 11 and 5.The boy in the pic is my youngest and has just started school bless him.I stopped nursing as I became ill,was on long term sick leave and when I did "lighter"duties I couldn't hack it so quit.A year later I worked in a school as a health officer dealing with first aid but all the fibro symptoms reared their ugly head and I quit after 3 months.That was 8 years ago and I haven't worked since! My fibro is severe and has been like it pretty much so for 8 years.At one point I was virtually bed bound which is how iam like now really

[lynzard in reply to haribo36]

Hi there, I have only just read this - I don't seem to be able to get the hang of using this 'site'. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Days like that are so hard to manage and it can be impossible to shake off the horrible dark mood that hits at the times you are having. It's hard to see any light at the end of the probervial tunnel but it is there waiting for you. Perhaps it's not the time to be making any major decisions. It's all too overwhelming for you right now. You will be strong again. Sending you lots of love and strength. x

[lynzard in reply to haribo36]

Forgot to say ...I'm no expert but when you are in so much pain and feel as unwell as you do I would be surprised if you didn't feel low and find it hard to cope but you know what, you are doing well being a single parent and managing being so poorly. Well donexx

[haribo36 in reply to lynzard]

Thank you so much,sorry I forgot to thank you earlier,am just catching up with threads xx

[Hidden in reply to haribo36]

Sounds like you have a lovely family..the kids are getting to the

age where they can help out while you go through treatments

in regard to fibro..I removed my last postings to you because it

was a little off the subject of fiibro..I apologize to anyone

who was offended for my breaking the rules..I made a mention

of 2 other conditions that I am currently dealing with. Again,

I am sorry having made a fool of myself for bringing that up. =( ,

[Mazz64]

Hi Haribo. sorry your having such a hard time, as all the others have said get that vit D checked.

I know its difficult but try to stay positive

Sending you gentle hugs

Maz xxx

[haribo36 in reply to Mazz64]

Thank you for the hugs and concern x

[Riles-17]

Hi Haribo I'm so sorry to hear you are in a bad situation. If I were you I would take each day at a time. The weather certainly has an affect on our mood and pain. Do you suffer from SAD. I know when we are feeling this low everything gets blown up and I mean this in the best possible way. I went through a really bad phase with my partner. I was ready to leave and had gone back to my mams a few times I just felt it was the end and I would be better off on my own, just like you I was frightened to be on my own. Things have really improved now, not great and I do have my moments but a lot better. Only you will really know how you truly feel. Imagine life without them. Can you Imagine it? That mDe me think.

Being in pain, depressed, fed up and see no light at the end of the tunnel has a great impact on how I feel. Maybe when you are feeling more up to it start a fresh year with fresh thoughts.

Look for a new home take your time so there is no pressure and there are not too many demands on yourself.

Have you thought of a hobby maybe? you are not up to it.

These dark mornings and dark early nights are a bummer. Do you have any one you could chat to?

Maybe your meds need changed,

UnfortunTely we are, I was going to say blessed, but we are not, with the dreaded HORMONES!!!!!! They played a huge part in my moods as well.

I hope you can find a way to resolve your issues and be at peace with yourself.

I wish you the best. Good luck gentle hugs xx

[haribo36 in reply to Riles-17]

Hi riles-17,I don't know if I suffer from SAD or not.I have been thinking of some stuff I would like to do but it involves being out which ATM is difficult.I would like to do a course in floristry,cooking or painting.Maybe I should find something to do at home for the time being,was thinking about reading some novels but I wouldn't be able to read much though.I have a friend where I live who has fibro but we have both been too ill to meet up.I don't have anyone else to talk to,just peeps on here.Thanks for your help and advice xx

[angib53]

hi haribo , im sending big hugs and love to you , iam to seeing my doctor today as im sinking into depression , im so sore with constant weather changes , whatever I try and do I hurt !! I don't even venture out as im in pain for it later , im also under the pain consultant but he wants me to see my doctor also . I will be thinking of you xx

[haribo36 in reply to angib53]

Hi broadband,how are you today and how did it go at the docs?xx

[Missymaz]

Big hugs ,a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on because I know being in that depressed place is scary so if you need I'll be hear. X

[haribo36]

Thank you missymaz! That's very much appreciated

[Fibrofoggiest]

Sorry I missed this one haribo, the internet connection where I am at the moment is rubbish, I virtually have to be sitting on top of the WiFi to get anywhere. I so understand about the win and depression, and also the thought of winter looming, which is why I started my felting, as you know.

If you are feeling really rubbish and want to chat do pm me, I don't have children of my own, but have had experience with many many godchildren, so I do have an understanding of how difficult kids can be. Hope you start to feel better soon, so sending healing vibes your way !!

Foggy x

[haribo36 in reply to Fibrofoggiest]

Thanks foggy,that's very much appreciated