self pity time.

[siver52]

I am so tired there is no words to describe it.I know compared to some on here I am lucky in so far as I have High mobility rate and am in support group for ESA. But what do I do now. I have worked all my life since I was 15 yrs old, apart from a few years off before my children stated school. I am 60 this year. What do I do ????? Do I spend the next 20 yrs ish sitting in front of telly, I can barely manage housework no where near my usual standard. My friends called me wonder woman or the dragon depending on how they saw me lol . Now I dont know who I am anymore. I want to sleep, a restfull, peacefull, sleep and right now I want it to last forever

[Hidden]

Hi siver52 I'm sorry you are feeling so low and can understand why you feel like you do. I often wonder who I am now and where I fit into society these days. But I try really hard to look at the positives in my life such as my family including my 3 dogs. I'm lucky I still manage to work, but I took a forced year out last year cause my fibro was so bad and I was so low, but I managed to pick myself up, somehow.

You have your lovely grandchildren to keep you going and your three little dogs. I'm sure they all see you as a special part of their lives.

Its really hard day after day and our problems always seem much worse when were tired but don't give up, keep that dragon breathing fire and enjoying what you have.

(PS not always the answer but have you spoken to you GP about how low you are feeling, it helped me last year)

lots of love to you

Jax xx (((((((hugs))))))

[Hidden]

Hi and so sorry you feeling low at the min but we all go theough those stages it is awful when like you i cant dowhat i used to i too was called wonder woman my house is always tip top but now i have to spread the house work out where i would have done it all in one day and shoppuing/washing and anything else i could trhink off i just pace myself but you shpuld speak to your gp but i suppose that depends on how sympathetic they are . my gp is fantastic , but one thing is your not alone on here love to you diddle x

[siver52]

Thank you Jax I really really try to stay positive but just some days even that takes so much energy. It is my grandchildren and my doggies that keep me going and my wonderful daughter. Just today I have been up all night and I feel like everything is crashing down on me. My GP is very good, but even with him I put on a front so he doesnt think I am some sort of nuerotic old biddy.

[siver52]

Thank you diddle, I always have a giggle when you are on her coz I would love to know how you came up with you name xxx

[fibropixie]

Hi Siver, Sorry that you're not feeling good at the moment. It is difficult, I think we all have some kind of identity crisis with this illness as it changes our lives in so many ways. I'm constantly asking myself those questions too - although I haven't given up work yet, but it is getting more difficult with time. Maybe talking things over with your gp will help, and perhaps they could put you in touch with local groups or even occupational therapy. They might also give you something to help you get a decent night's sleep, which will make a massive difference to how you feel about everything.. Maybe you could get a friend round to help you with the housework? On a good day it might be just what you need. Sending gentle hugs and positive energy to you. x

[fibropixie]

PS never think of yourself as neurotic or a biddy - it's the fibro! x

[siver52]

Hi fibropixie, my daughter helps me a great deal with things, and I dont feel its right to rely on her. She is at the moment working for the ministry of justice, but has been offered 2 jobs. 1 is with HR revenue and customs the other with Job centre +. I worry that she has chosen the lesser paid job with job centre coz she doesnt have to move( she lives 1/2 hr away) and the HRRC would take her 2hrs away. I dont ask friends for help coz that would really be the end. If they knew they would go nuts but I cant do it.

[fibropixie]

How do you mean Siver, 'the end'? Why would they go nuts? Have you not told your friends that you have fibro or do you put on a brave face? Sometimes you need friends to make you still feel real, if you know what I mean. Telling them that you're ill doesn't make you weak, it can actually be empowering that you're not harbouring this 'secret' illness any more. It may lead to friends understanding why you always have to cancel social events or just don't go out any more (if that's the case for you). don't suffer in silence.

[siver52 in reply to fibropixie]

I dont find it easy at all to ask for help is what I mean, but I know my good friends would be cross for not asking them. Most of them know I have fibro, but I think unless you have it people cant really understand.

[fibropixie]

It must be good to have your daughter around too. I get the feeling that you think she's staying to look after you? Maybe that's what she wants to do, stay where she lives and be near to you.

[electricjaws]

i know how you feel i have fibro,myofascial,pain, pelvic pain,can barely,walk now, and spondylosis been going downhill since i was 35 (13years ago) i don't think it is self pity,i think it is feeling frustrated to the lack of proper help because to be honest the health proffession don't know what really causes it ,and with some of them i feel that if you have something they can't see they feel it isn't there,i have terrible trouble with my pain as i am hyper sensitive to a whole ream of medications,i feel like it would be a happy release to go to sleep and never wake up ,so i do understand where you are coming from,i think anyone with chronic pain gets suicidal thoughts not because you want to die,but the strong urge not to have to spend another day in pain,anyone saying different are i feel hiding the fact ,unless you have a fantastic pain management system, so i do truly sympathize as i am on your wavelength myself at present,but tring hard to overcome it xx

[Sarah-Jane]

It sounds like your at a low ebb at the moment. Try writing down how you feel, because, believe it or not, in a few days you won't recall how low you are nor what your feelings were! Then you will be able to shake off these feelings, but I am sure you don't feel that way right now. I am sorry about that. Its not nice, but try and hold onto yourself. You are still the same vibrant woman who brought up such a lovely, caring daughter, who gave birth to your grandchildren, plus you have friends! Without looking into your profile I can already see positives.

Just a thought, have you considered that apart from FM your body is also less able to cope because age does this to us? I was already thinking of things I could no longer do then FM became a part of my life! For instance, could you still hop down the stairs? Roll over either sideways or head over heels? Could you skip with a rope or move furniture around? I sure wish I could. I have to remind myself I cannot walk as far as I used to be able to and stop myself sometimes too late.

Every now and then I become low and look at all I can not longer do - but when I am not so low I look at what I can do! How do I know I do this? I looked back at some emails I sent.

I hope some of this helps you. Soft hugs

[siver52]

Thank you all for your replys of support, they are much appreciated xx

[fibropixie]

I do hope you're feeling better today. Soft hugs.x