My life is over

[Fra3021]

Having struggled with FM for many years, fighting pain and extremely dark thoughts, I have now Come to the conclusion that at aged 59 that my life is now over. I can no longer do the things I used to do, or do the things I want to do, so what’s the point. I have lost my job, my Drs have given up on me and I can not access any counselling. I spend my days in a stupor either from lack of sleep, brain fog or side effects of meds and wondering if that’s it.

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hi there Fra, I'm sure we can all relate to how you feel. I've been coping with fibro for 40years!!!! Its not easy. But then again no chronic illness is I'm afraid 🤗🤗🤗

[LisaSnow FMA UK Volunteer]

Your life is far from over. In fact if you are at the low point right now then you have no choice but to have many many better and happier moments to look forward to in the near future. That is the law of life!!! Treat yourself to something you love but rarely splurge on. You deserve it!

[Allbie]

Hi I feel so sorry for you. You really need to talk to your doctor get some physio also a Councillor may help you. Your life isn't over just changing. I really do know how your feeling I go swimming it helps. Feels so good when I'm in the water.

Talk to people about how you feel and make the most of any good days you get. Please go and get some help before it gets worst

[Cotswolds25121]

Hi, Fra🤗there are many of us awake at this damn god awful hour of the night unfortunately. I probably like many of us wish we had seen your msg earlier. I’m 60 and know only to well how you are feeling. It’s a s**t situation to be in isn’t it. Where you feel all alone, but I tell you what I finally faced upto my issues and problems with fm about 2 hours ago and msgd my manager and told her exactly how fm is affecting me at work and with my life. I don’t know what her response will be but if it’s supportive then all well and good and if it’s not then I really don’t care tbh. It will just show me that I’ve done the right thing either way 🤗life’s to short my lovely to be having regrets and not care about yourself so I hope you get this msg with the love and care that I’m sending to you and it’s what you deserve. Like every single one of us 💕💕💕💕💕💕

[Sandra600]

Hi Fra I know exactly how you are feeling, I’ve just had a terrible night full of pain and I am feeling very low, I’m on tramadol but it’s not helping. I’m 60 and I haven’t been able to work for years and I sometimes wonder what is the point of carrying on, I too sometimes feel my life is over. I hope you feel better soon x

[Penpusher]

Hi,I completely understand. I've thought about ending it all several times as I can no longer sit or stand for any length of time, hold things like pans or books and despair at the extent of my brain fog. I used to think I was quite intelligent - god knows I see little evidence of that now. I'm 53.

The only thing keeping me going up until this point is my son who's autistic. He's at university and to most people appears 'normal' but he has issues with communication.

Anyway I was forced to change doctors earlier this year whilst shielding and took the opportunity to ask to be referred to a pain clinic. I was so fed up but realised that no one else is in my corner and I'm bloody-minded enough at times to persist. I'm now halfway through and I'm so glad I was persistent.

It's helped me understand about pain, helping me with small exercises, encouraged me to continue with coping mechanisms and taught me to be kind to myself. I now know more about why I'm in pain all the time and frankly it's given me hope. I now think realistically that I can help myself.

Please ask to be referred. It may take some time but the benefits both physically and for your mental health will be huge.

There really is hope. You don't have to resign yourself to a future full of despair.

Good luck x

[Autumn1666]

Hi, I have your feels too more so as my dad has just passed away from covid, life is hard I set little challenges for myself I write everything done lists are fantastic for me I walk not like I used to but I think okay not a great day but what can I do to improve it I watch a funny film I read I bake I go for a small walk and look at the world and think how lucky I am to still be here yes the pain and now energy I sometimes think I have dementia take smaller steps set smaller goals buy some seeds plant a few flowers in the house/flat watch them grow. I hope this helps 🙏 💕

[Winter9]

Hi Fra, oh i've been there many times in the past Am now 64 and was diagnosed 30 years ago. What i've come to learn is to find things that I can do, i'm an avid reader now, i've learnt to pace myself, however little I can do, is all I do then I read or just have a programme on tv even very low sound. It's not unusual for me to read the same page many times or keep winding back a programme but so be it. The radio on low, a chat show maybe in the background keeps me with some signs of life around me. I love candles and burn them whatever time of day, my favourite smell and the comfort they give me. My bed is in my lounge as stairs are a no no for me, it faces my garden that I can see from bed at ground level that is a blessing to me I love the nature out there. The sky at night, the moon when it shows. What am trying to convey is there is always something we can find to not give in to the misery of fibro. It's hard but it is a chronic illness. Please find your comfort things and be strong.

[SusieSquirrel]

Hiya FraI understand exactly how you feel as just a few months ago I was in the same dark place.

My advice...change your doctor, they shouldn't give up on you.

There is medications. Talking therapies helped me through a very rough patch which was a referral through my gp. I had a pain clinic referral. I went though about 6 doctors in my practice until I found an understanding, caring doctor.

The hardest part is changing your expectations of life. At 50 that is the hardest thing for me. I was hoping to retire then maybe travel and do things I haven't had time to do. Instead I've had to stop working because of illness, which has left us financially struggling as well as physically and mentally. Im now still trying to change expectations. Its hard!

[Midlifefibro]

I'm sorry you have got to this point and feel like this but please don't give up. Your life is not over. We all have to learn a new way of living. Have you tried managing your pain with food. I know that I have less flare ups when I eat healthy and do more exercise. You are stronger than you realise. Think back to a time when you were in control of your symptoms. What did that look like? How was your life then and what can you so to regain that control. I find working on mindset really helps. Listening to personal development audio books boosts my mood and empowers me to stay in control. I really hope you find the strength to get your life back. 🙏

[veggiefan70]

I can only add to what others have said, but having been diagnosed with Fibro in 2006, it did take a while for me to accept that I do still have a life, although now in a different form. Like anyone with a disability, there is the need to adapt and adjust in finding a new purpose, and let go of some of your past activities. I know it's tough and it doesn't prevent days of frustration and depression. But like everything else, it does pass, and with support, life can still be worthwhile.

Yes, you may have to battle with the medics at times to get help, especially during a pandemic, but don't give up. Again, not easy, but look for things you can do, rather than what you can't.

[1499]

Hi! So many of us have felt or feel as you do, this is the most God awful condition and very few understand it because people say you look so well so you must be!!! When you have been an active person it is so hard to end up like this and the flare-ups can be horrendous. I don't attend the Pain Clinic now, the Dr was lovely but I wasn't given anything to help with my pain only the tramadol that I was prescribed years ago by the hospital. My Pain Consultant doesn't like his patients on lots of meds nor do I, but lots of people have no option to get through each day. I had been on Amitriptyline and Pregabalin but eventually took side effects so stopped them and my Consultant was so pleased . A friend a nursing sister told me to take two paracetamols along with the tramadol and it was the first time in ages I got a bit of relief. I really couldn't believe something as simple as this that the Pain Clinic, the experts, had not told me about.

I feel many of us have to source out help ourselves from CBD oil. Tens Machines and I use hot water bottles also, they are my saving grace during flares. I am 67 years old and was told the fibro would get better the older I got. This didn't happen with myself and losing my husband made my fibro worse , plus the other problems with my neck knees and back. 5 years on and the Fibro isn't so bad thank God. It may be because with my other mobility issues that no matter what I am doing at home I have to sit down or stop and rest till I can get going again. The advice my Pain Consultant always gave me was "Pace Pace Pace" so difficult when you have been so very active and on any better days I would try and catch up and would end up so unwell again.

I am on my own now but have good family and friends but having such horrendous flares I remember well, being in tears being alone and having to ride things out till it all settled. In my bed it gave me comfort to go onto this website during the bad times as you feel others know and understand having been there themselves what you are experiencing. It was a Godsend for me just having others there!!!! I would try and ride out the flares and having all my hot bottles on the worst painful areas taking my pain meds and would put the tv on and try and distract myself from the pains. I find having a good old cry gave me such relief also till thing subsided. I do a bit of beading now, a lot of my hobbies I can't do now, but beading I can do in bed when I have to rest and if you can find something, reading or whatever your hobby may be it can take your mind of other things. Let me know how you are doing God Bless x

[Sarahvit]

Fra3021, you need to find a doctor that is fibro friendly. Someone on this group should be able to point you in the right direction. Here in the US we have the fibromyalgia network that takes patients recommendations of good doctors that they have seen who had compassion and support for those who have fibromyalgia. Local support groups are a good place to start too. Getting involved in a local support group will also help with things to try to help improve your quality of life. Please don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. 🤗💞🦋🌺🌼💜

[Arymretep]

Don’t give up Fra, we’ve all been there over time, as others have said if you can find a sympathetic GP makes all the difference, my last flare up was horrendous and my usual Dr passed me over to another new Dr, at the time I was upset as he’d been dealing with me for a while and he did t even tell me until I went to my appointment, but now I’m so glad as this new Dr is much more clued up on fibro and willing to listen to me, so please don’t give up , take care

[izzykirk3]

I am sorry that you are feeling so low, I have felt the same at times but managed to keep going. My daughter, granddaughter, husband and two dogs keep me going. I wouldn't want them to be hurt by my taking my own life. I'm lucky that I can still take my dogs for their morning walk, sometimes I really don't want to but always feel better for it. I have had Fibro for 35 years, took me nearly ten years to be diagnosed. I have never had a doctor who took Fibro seriously so I never mention it to them. Please hang in there, there will be good and bad days. Hope you feel better soon.