my life used to be a good life here in northern ireland lived through the troubles, no probs. Then i got hit with this horrible disease strips you of your dignity, your ability to be a man, hold a door open for some one, hold it for me please, friends dont understand anything about it, you end up walking away from them, people will only keep asking you to do or to go places for so long then slowly they stop asking because you keep saying no, and dont want to keep explaining i have this thing wrong with me that you cant see but i swear its there, having to keep explaining yourself,then with this you think that your sore have a moan then bang sore you'd love to have sore back, pain that i didnt think doctors would let a human suffer hits you, how long will this last you pray please just a day or two usually a lot longer sitting on the edge of the bed rocking with the pain, crying convincing yourself to hold on it'll get better soon, retreat into the safety of isolation that's what i have down no one ever sees me when im really bad, boys arent supposed to cry, where i come from you never showed weakness ever, going back and forth to the doctor repeating yourself the look of depression on there face nearly here he comes again look i think they just try and make you loose heart i dont really go to see them anymore whats the point everytime its just throw another tablet at me i have boxes and boxes now, i also suffer from ( social something) cant be around people anymore, shatters; me especially strangers, depression etc lack of movement led to diabetties? high cholesteral and now for the last good kick my hairs falling out due to the stress, my doctor says i've going to have to learn to take it easy, easy a good day for me is getting out of bed and making it as to the settee to sit there for hours all it ever is pain pain pain pain, it's all that keeps going over and over in your head, I.B.S headaches ringing in my ears, but people still look at you as if your normal so when you do venture out you smile and do your best to look like everyone else but you not, things need to change, doctors,friends,medication that works, god bless you's all who have this, if i do get a few hours sleep its now day time i will get up and light a holy irish candle and say a prayer for us all. god bless Keith xx only give an x for a kiss as hugs always hurt, ha keep your chin up.
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