Burn Out, is it worth continuing?

Hello, so over the years with fibromyalgia, you lose many things, friends, family, boyfriend and your reputation, therefore work.

I have been scolded or schooled(?) tonight, after morning from 18h until midnight, my boss who should have never been at work with us because he was in pain with his back, started to tell us off about timings and how it was unacceptable to arrive late, not really arriving late since we were all here early but the boss decided to wait outside of the house instead of just going in like normal people do. What happened is that we had to get changed and we lacked space and even though we may have started, 2 of us, 5 minutes late, the job was done and we actually had to wait doing nothing for an hour and a half.

He was nitpicking about my shoes, about how I was folding napkins...it was real nonsense.

Now, what should I do? I have had enough of being treated like shit, since I started to get sick, I'm nothing, no one and the only thing I have left is work.

It has been getting even more stressful and demanding for the past 3 years.

I got fired from my previous job because of it, had I said nothing, I would have gotten a permanent flexible contract suiting my needs. By sharing I was not too well, lost jobs, lost friends...

Something changed though tonight, I defended myself and pointed out his shortcomings, I have been letting some things slide because these people were actually good to me when it came to physical jobs but I still work very hard and I know that I am one of the best(very few females in that line of work) I never take my anger out on people at work but tonight I was treated like a woman, while my men counterparts were staying silent.

I have gone to hell and back for this company, the clients were happy, job was done well but still because my boss cannot handle back pain, he took it out on us and also accused us of always being late and taking advantage of his clients when he is not on site.

So I explained myself, said I completely disagreed and that was not true, uncalled for completely.

Except I was so upset, as I was getting my connection from green park, I was completely lost, started crying and a staff had to try and calm me down and help me get my train home.

So my question is: at what point do we say STOP! At what point our mental health becomes so erratic that it is safer to not mingle or work with people? The same people who have no clue about the pain we go through, about the amount of painkillers I have to take and pay for.

Is it worth fighting for this? since anyway, I have already lost my reputation in the industry. It is so painful that people I respected, always put on a pedestal , abuse their position of power and blame me, fire me, gossip about me...

So what I did not do was sending an angry e-mail or text cancelling all my shifts which is really surprising but when I calm down, what actions do I take?

I was already thinking/knowing that I would be leaving the UK in July because of my condition but I wanted to push myself for that particular boss, for a particular job coming in June that no one can do but me.I have given so much but it seems never to be enough.I just want to say "bye" and slam the door on my way back.

So yes what to do, what to do?

many thanks

[Hidden]

Hi

You have been treated appallingly. Are you in a union, if so, they could back you up. Have you got a close friend at work who could support you.

Please take care Lynne

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

no in this case, no union. But it’s more about how people, suffering like us,continue to have a ressemblance of life? I fail to see the point

[Fibromummy2]

Hi sorry your having such a tough time at the minute. Hopefully it is just a blip in the road. Could it be possible your boss is not handling his pain very well and it just having a bad day? We all know very well what pain can do to people we act in ways we don't even know we knew and can't control it. As you say your boss has been good to you and from your writing it seems out of character. Can you try and have a calm talk with him and maybe explain that you understand what he is going through and how tough it is to live with constant pain but you are not willing to be treated the way he treated you and state all the things you are not happy about. Hope you get it sorted soon and find the best option for you .

[Rose54]

Hi

I think it depends on you financial situation as well, you say you will be leaving UK in July so you have plans .Will you still be able to continue with these plans if you finish work.

I'm not saying the way you have been treated is correct pain as you know makes us bad tempered and we can unknowingly take it out on others as I'm sure you are aware .

I think we have all been in that situation at some point when we have had to go to work although common-sense tells us not to .

Perhaps just have a quite word with him and say how inadequate he made you feel especially when you know you are good at your job .

It sounds as if you are in the catering industry and that is long hours and hard work .

Hope you get a good outcome

[Nuttyshirlz]

I understand what your saying but you say he was in pain with his back maybe it wasn’t just his back that was hurting. No one knows what ppl are going through. we all do or say things we don’t mean to. He’s your boss and human. Why don’t you explain to him how he made you feel. And that as someone who lives in pain understands what it’s like. I’m sure you also can come across certain ways some days. We all do we human.

[Hidden in reply to Nuttyshirlz]

not like that, not to a boss. What do you say to someone who lie to your face? He would not admit that he was wrong. Cancelling similar shifts seems like a good idea I was thinking though.

[Nuttyshirlz in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately life is full of ppl who tell lies you can’t change ppl like that. Why not go to Cab and ask their advice.

[Dinkie]

Your company should have a grievance procedure in place. Using this is the correct channel for disputes at work. Check the ACAS website for help and they offer a telephone advisory service too and can act if they consider breaches have taken place. You can also request an assessment with an occupational health specialist who can make recommendations to your employer. If you go through the right channels you will get support and guidance, I really wouldn't suggest angry emails as this just esculates emotions on both sides and will in the end not get you very far. Hope it all works out for you.

[Hidden in reply to Dinkie]

well yes, bit different here, I am self employed for that job so I wonder how much rubbish should I let go before I slam the door and poach the clients, legally 1 year, but before I would have never thought about it. After yesterday, loyalty does not pay off, I wonder how long the members of HU have managed to stand this for, 11 years of loyal services for that...

[Pebble1 in reply to Hidden]

My daughter works in the care industry and was in situation similar to yours, there came a point when they went one step too far, her nerves where shattered, I told her to just get out before she was completely broken by these awful management people, she got out as people where asking if she could be the private carer for Their own relatives. She now has a Job, self employed, a waiting list of potential new clients as people recommend her to others, earning twice as much as before, with lovely people, better hours and loving what she does. She always loved her job, but the management became more and more demanding, the staff were always exhausted. X

[Dinkie]

If you work regular hours and particular days then regardless of whether technically you are self employed you would be classed as employed - as Uber drivers etc have proved. I can't say too much on here as my other half is in the middle of litigation concerning employment but going down the correct procedure route is certainly proving to be in our favour at this particular time. I am a great believer in karma. Hope it works out for you.

[Hidden in reply to Dinkie]

thank you, that's excellent advice actually

[Jamie1965]

I have been through something similar and can tell you that the company t grievance process is where you need to start it is bullying and conformation that has no place in the work place and by what you have said it also sound discrimination against you as you are a woman also have you got reasonable adjustments in place I would not give up your job yet I would look to sort it out or possibly take to tribunal why should you be made to suffer cause he has no sense you will be covered under employment law and disability start a diary write down every thing he says everything he does how it makes you feel if he says something to you email him and just state you have said this to me I just want to confirm that this is correct and keep all emails it will get on his nerves you he has a duty of care to you and so does the company and belittling you cause he has no control over his pain is bullying and against the law I wish you well keep your chin up try not to let him get you down and don’t let people like him have any control over your life

[Hidden]

See your GP get a sick note!!!!!! ... I wish you good luck x sounds bad but i have been there after reducing to 3 hours a week !!and still unable to move for days after. I took a break ...

[Billyboy2u]

Do it !!!

I’m one of those men that can’t handle back pain. For 30 years since an accident at work my pain has increased slowly along with the pain killers until now I’m on or was on 170mg of morphine a day to keep me at work. I too have lost friends and a social life through as the morphine kept the pain at bay it still niggled in the background.

I sometimes lost my temper with the apprentice as even in his last few months of his apprenticeship he still couldn’t do the simplest of things that he should have learned in his fist years. I’d shout I shouldn’t be doing this for you at this stage in life. Pull your head out of your backside and use a bit common sense. And storm away. After all I’m ready to retire and not looking forward to retirement at all especially with this life long unbearable pain.

However the doctor bowed down to this new policy from oxford university and all morphine should be cut to a safe level that anyone working with such a condition would have to give up work. Those same cuts shortens working life and puts people on the scrap heap. So it happened to me after a short time on low meds loosing my temper at everyone at work until I packed it in and left. I left as I could see what it was doing to those other people that just had to look at me the wrong way.

So you are right and your boss too should leave but spare a little thought that your condition may also see things in a different way with your pain too as I too used to think it was always me people came to to do stupid things they should have learned themselves when it wasn’t. It just seemed that way.

Now I’m not working and on low meds I’ve no one to shout at. They’ve all left me.

[Syddall]

Hello friend

[jessiegirl]

Hello .this is a difficult time especially when you are feeling unwell. .i was once there many years ago and my coworker told me exactly these words .a company will find another you and replace the job but only you can be you .so get your self well. I went off work and took 3 months to get back on my feet. yes Fm causes many loses in our lives but fight like heck to get it back .i refuse to give up .. this was in 1993 and i fight every day to be the best but sometimes the best day might be a bit crappy but make it the best . we only ever get today. make you count ...

hugs

[cat90]

so sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. yes you need to stand up for yourself, I know it is not easy. x

[Clarrisa]

I worked with a difficult crew when younger. A nice employee took me aside & told me “It is their fatigue speaking to you.” This proved to be true. The Lead fell ill of advanced lung cancer (thought to be secondhand smoke from her husband). She was only 38 years old.

[No1wthayla]

I have felt like walking out of my job too. Just stay at home and concentrate on me, my physical, spiritual and mental self. But I need the job to pay for our apartment, utilities, insurance, food, and so many other things. I'm at the point now that getting a load of laundry on and completed wears me out. So I've started wearing some things a second or third time. Just trying to make sure I didn't wear the same shirt recently. I want to keep the fog from blocking my mind at work and keeping me down. The pain is ridiculous now and medications only help so much.

I hear you, Hidden. It's hard to stand up for yourself when you feel like you could lose your job. It's hard to have a supervisor say horrible things to all of the staff instead of just you. And it is completely annoying that he himself is in pain. But maybe his pain caused his outburst. Could he have an illness or injury that he can't cope with? Maybe his doctor wouldn't give him pain medications? Or he gets pain medications that are not strong enough to help.

I would probably ask to speak with him in private. Tell him that you are sorry for the outburst. Tell him you really want to keep working for him. Tell him you felt isolated and used as an example for the rest of the group. Maybe he regrets saying those things? Maybe he wants to apologize but doesn't want to seem like he's relenting on the issue or that he is less strong because he apologizes. Fight for what you want but don't go without at least saying what is on your mind. Your boss will either understand or not. But there are better bosses out that. Believe in yourself.