Feeling guilty

[Trixxy66]

Does anyone work and feel guilty for not being able to do normal housework and keeping the place tidy? My house is a mess and I can't seem to keep on top of things. I'm embarrassed for people to come to our house. I avoid it if I can. My hubby thinks it's my job as he works full time. I've been considering secretly to get a cleaner to help me. I feel so ashamed of the mess though. Hubby won't a prove of the cleaner and he isn't bothered by the mess really as he thinks it's all my mess. I keep on top of washing, don't iron unless absolutely necessary. Vacuuming I find hard as it's a heavy dyson. Bathroom is awful cos I can't get down to clean bath and tiles properly of all the soap scum and limescale. Any tips would be appreciated. I work part time which and have a school age child. x

[Bobby3]

Get a cleaner have them come just when you there and just do jobs you can’t. You do not have to have them every week just when you want. 🤫

[Fshak]

Hi Trixxy66, same here but my hubby and kids r really helpful. I feel embarrassed as well so avoid people. I feel guilty and depressed as I can’t do any housework . I wish to have pain free days. Have a nice restful day.

[Hidden]

You are not well, have a child (who I'm sure is lovely but they cause work), a part time job and a husband who could be a whole lot more supportive (sorry but it's true). Housework is EVERYONE'S job. You might have some more time but it isn't just your responsibility. If he is of a slobby nature it isn't anyone's job to pick up after him bar his. Regardless, if you can't do it then do NOT feel guilty. A messy home won't kill anyone. Don't let it matter. If people look bothered when they come round just tell them you suffer extreme fatigue and hurt too much (and maybe they'd like to do something if it bothers them)! Most people won't care if they know you. Working with Fibromyalgia (FM) is extremely difficult! If you want a cleaner and can afford one then go ahead - you'd be doing good for the person who needs a job as well as making the home feel less of an overwhelming mess you can't cope with - that doesn't help a person cope. If your husband doesn't approve that may just have to be tough. Though he'd probably enjoy the tidier house. Or maybe get someone in once to just get on top of it and then look up some housework hacks/tips to make things easier. Surprising what can be done.

A few small tips on a basic housework level - use bleach in the bathroom where possible (sorry environment but needs must sometimes), use a scrubbing sponge that you can get on a long handle:

amazon.co.uk/Cleaner-Long-H... (hope this link is okay - doesn't have to come from Amazon but it's a good example of one).

Harpic limescale remover left for a few hours is excellent - no scrubbing needed. If you can afford it get a lightweight vacuum eg Shark, the one I have is excellent (Dyson over-rated and way too heavy). If the child is old enough pay extra pocket money for doing certain chores you can't do - most children are happy on that level and it's good training for their future. Do you have other family that could help out? Wash up as you go rather than let it pile up (unless you have a dishwasher). I use prepared vegetables as I have arthritis in my hands and that saves time and some energy! Pre-chopped meats as well. Others may have some other ideas for making life easier. As Bobby3 said you can get a cleaner occasionally and just when you are there.

Also, perhaps try writing a letter to your husband to explain how bad you feel due to the FM - it gives people time to sit and absorb how it affects you and without them interrupting!! I know it has worked for some people. My husband has always been supportive but it still gave him a better understanding of how it makes me feel. For me living with FM is like staggering through slow-setting concrete, dragging lead weights attached to all my limbs and around my neck while invisible creatures stab knives randomly in me. It isn't easy. Try be kinder to yourself.

[Pilipala18]

I know exactly how you feel. My mother is doing my cleaning. I can’t use my dyson either cause of the weight. My other half is then doing bathrooms and cooking. I try to do the weekly shop and a bit of dusting but that seems about it. There is no shame in getting a cleaner even if it’s just for a few hours every week 😀😀

[YASMINTINA FMA UK Volunteer]

Please don’t ever feel guilty a partime job, house , little one to look after is more than full time in my world. Support is what you need, perhaps you could ask hubbie at weekends to do alittle hoovering in exchange for one of his favourite dinners say. Life is a 2 way thing , sometimes the boot could be on the other foot,sorry hubbie needs to think outside the box would be nice to work as a team . I’m sure he could clean the bath with a sponge cleaner when he gets out. We are all surportive and relate to this I shut the doors when I cannot keep up and living in a bungalow harder to hide everything but like you meals washin ironin always easier to do. Hubbie has just bought a new Dyson gosh it’s so lite feels like your gliding along , if he dosent want a cleaner send him off to the shop and say this will be cheaper than having a cleaner each week. Good luck and take care , also sending a link healthunlocked.com/fibromya... xx

[rach1402 in reply to YASMINTINA]

Have you thought about a robotic vacuum cleaner? Might be a practical solution as you live in a bungalow x

[Hidden]

I got my dad a bagless vac from Argos. Only about £30 and much lighter than my Dyson. It was used by his carers with great success. Cheap and lightweight.

John

[Mdaisy]

yep all the time! What's ironic is I find cleaning therapeutic (weird I know!?!?!) and my fella hates tidying. I actually miss making the place look aesthetically pleasing and also desperate miss knowing where things are!!

[Hidden]

Used to feel guilty all the time like it was my sole responsibility but we've all sat down as a family and made a rota 📜to stick to and I'm trying hard not to interfere with their jobs (which is hard as not done my way but at least it's done I suppose! 🤔) They are trying.......lol 😂🤣😂🤣

I am trying hard to adopt a new frame of mind, less guilt and no stress moving forward - I think everyone with Fibro should try it! Pen X💜🤗

[Dinkie]

Hard isn't it. I had a wonderful present from the kids - a thorough spring clean arranged by them and done by a specialist company. 2 cleaners for a whole day. They thought I would be cross that they thought I needed help but nothing could be further from the truth. I was embarrassed when the cleaners arrived but they said the house was nothing like as bad as they usually get for a one off clean. It made life so much easier and the cleaners were chatty and friendly. That present meant more to me than them spending it on stuff I wouldn't use or wear! Bless 'em they can give me that sort of present any day of the week. I never feel guilty when friends arrive as they know I have open house and it's take me as you find me but the kettle will always go on! As long as the kitchen sink/worktop is clean and so is the loo I don't worry too much. Lets face it - housework will still be there no matter what!

[Holly1968]

I had the same problem, i now have a friend who cleans for me. I do what o can to keep on top of things but she does the heavy stuff for me.

It may be worth getting someone just to do the hoovering or the other stuff you find difficult.

[AllthatGlitters]

If you can afford a cleaner then go for it I would love one but I am the cleaner who has a little bit of OCD too as hate mess x