Fibromyalgia Action UK
38,668 members50,927 posts

feel guilty for being so grumpy

I have a disabled husband who doesn't believe how horrendous fibro pain is & how it's possible for me to suffer from so many other problems too - I think he thinks it's a competition between us! Unfortunately he wins, so I get to do all the housework, plus all the stress of paying bills,making decisions, looking after our pets,all the cooking, gardening etc - Well, lets be honest, I do EVERYTHING while he plays on the computer!

As you may imagine, our marriage is hanging by a thread, but being a glutton for punishment I have agreed to try counselling etc to see if we can solve our problems. It's still early days but he has been a little bit nicer recently & I have been trying my utmost to see a positive side to our life, so am trying to get on with things, be nicer to him too, as well as trying not to moan or complain about things. I was doing quite well at it, we had been getting on better, but I feel SO lousy!!! I suffer from angina & have had a couple of mini strokes, so should look after myself, but it's impossible!

For the part few days my pain has been awful. I've tried to relax more but since I have limited vision & very painful eyes, I find reading or watching tv really hard, plus I'm light & noise intolerant, so really keeping busy is less stressful! The problem comes when i feel so worn out that I don't know how to go on, then I get snappy. Then I'm accused of not trying to save our marriage. Strangely I do still love my husband, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Oh dear, I sound a real whinger, I'm not really, just so, so worn out!

If any of you managed to read down this much moaning, thakyou for listening - I just needed to let off steam!

9 Replies

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems. I am in no position to offer any kind of advice, I am only 20 and have only lived with my boyfriend for 2 years.

However I would like to say, I am sorry to hear you are struggling and I wish I could take all your pain away.

Fibro hugs x x x x


This is the best place to do it, and dont feel guilty. I had a perfectly healthy parter and was still expected to do all the things you said, plus work full time and renovated the House! You have my sympathies and I hope you can work it out, I left mine in the end. It came to a head when I had a cancer scare and he reduced me to tears by shouting and carrying on about how did I think HE felt as he'd never had to deal with anything like this before! Luckily I have a far more understanding man in my life now and I love the bones of him. Good luck with the councilling. I really hope you can work things through. Gentle hugs. x


oh Hun..dont ever feel guilty for being grumpy. This is place to vent and get good support, you may even find a laugh or two in here.

my non disabled ex hubby used to play computer too ...I was a computer widow his only input toward my fibro was to say 'oh well if your legs get bad enough I'll get a mobility car!'

....yeah?...well my fibro is bad now and I did get a mobility car 13 years after I got my divorce. :-D

I hope it works out for you..whichever solution is the right one for the meantime we all have tthis wonderfull group to get support from.

hugs x


Hi hon,

I believe making things right isn`t just down to you, he needs to go half way too. I left my ex, cos he couldn`t be there when I needed him, he thought I should do everything and cope with things, my son autistic a breast cancer scare etc.

My fella now is brilliant, supportive and at my side or picking me up when I fall. He`s amazing with my kids and especially good with my son.

Take care hon gentle hugs love Sheena xxxxx :-) :-) :-)


Hi Cobweb,think of "YOU" for once i know its difficult ,as ive gone through life not saying the word NO to any one asking for help and being to soft in the heart and head,but in the end it damages me to much as it is you,no matter what he has wrong its a 100% worse than you, try sitting you both down together and talking what you both "want and need ,from one another and life and the pain and effect of your conditions" im here if you need a shoulder not that i have much left as its not just the Fibro thats taken me ,Hugs Lavender


Its so frustrating at times and my husband is also on the computer a lot, so iv joined him and im now on my computer a lot lol sod the house work just do what needs to be done, easier said than done I know but if I go mad doing house work im in bed for a few days,its really not worth it.

As for the hubby well the only thing I can think of is send he some info to his email about fibro you cant get through this without support so if your not getting it then every thing will feel so much worse good luck hun (Iv always said computers are the biggest break up of marriages) oh bundle of fun I am.Just pop on here when you feel like moaning,even if its just saying grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and off again, most of us will know just what you mean lol


Hi Cobweb, I'm glad that I'm on my own now and do what I like in my house. I too had a very selfish husband and like a few of the other replies here I divorced him and my life improved comsiderably. No I'm not telling you to do that, but you do have a right to a life and to be treated with respect regarding your illness. I think you need to do what is right for you. You did not marry a "house" so if you dont want to tidy up, cook, stay in bed all day, then do so and let your husband do what he wants to do. Remember YOU are not responsible for his life or happiness, only he is.

All the best and I hope it gets better for you.


just thought i say hello .... come on here anytime can make you feel like a great team of fms people who understandxx


thankyou for all your messages of support, it really helps to know that there are people out there who can understand how lousy I feel!

I have had a couple of really rough days, hence the reason that I haven't answered before, but today I'm feeling a bit better so I'm spending a short time on here before I head to bed. Actually I'm sleeping SO much at the moment! I'm usually quite an early riser because my little yorkie terrier, Tilly wants to get up ( she sleeps in my room since I moved out of the joint bedroom) but lately I'm finding it really difficult to get up!

I look forward to chatting to you all again soon. Take care

Cobweb x


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