So sad!

Not sure how to feel any more,

Had a house inspection on Thurs, Then a letter this morning on behalf of landlords agency, It says amongst over things,

Following inspection we are concerned that proper care and attention to cleanliness is not being in line with the tenancy agreement, Where a lack of cleaning and care has not been addressed

It can result in damage to the property and can result in extra charges and in some cases an eviction may incur BLah blah BLAH!!

I rarely go down stairs and have not left the house apart from hospitals and other appointments for almost 3 years,, any time I mentioned the living space, Wonder Hubby, ( I would not cope if he was not here) Has said he was taking the stuff and clutter to the tip,

I can't exactly ask him to do house work as well as care for me,cooking ,shopping and washing,

Iv'e been down tonight to get my last drink, (Hubby brings me one usually) I'm shocked to say the letter was spot on, I thought that apart from my room looking like a craft shop has been robbed 😞 I piled all the boxes on to desk etc, so I could use my rug doctor,

I'm so ashamed, I used to clean all the time and was proud to have a lovely home and knew if any one came for a brew there was never the rush round like a headless chicken, I took John his drink and realised I have not seen his room for so long, Yikes!

Maybe that was why he would say he would always get me to stay upstairs so I didn't fall ????

They are coming back on 29th April to inspect again, I feel cheated by the Fibro and what it has taken from us, I wonder if that's we have had some really crap and ailments of recent?

I'm also a bit peed off at the letter also mentioned we would be charged for new carpets and redecorating????? Excuse me?? We had the house carpeted and we did all the decorating,😭

I really have been blinded by my depression, I'm at a lose,

1 room at a time, I'm not even sure if this is just the excuse the agency will be telling our landlord if they get us out they would get more rent as we are paying under the local recommendation rent for private renting,

I feel so overwhelmed,

Any one else have an issue with keeping up with cleaning??? I don't need advice on the actual process,Just the time managing

☹️☹️☹️☹️ I knew this would happen, I'm wide awake through worry,I used to rage clean before😠,I don't want to go down stairs now,I'll only wake the dog up and she'll think it's time to go out, I can't make a start on John's room, he's sleeping, I can't start my room because I'm not strong enough to move my bed 🥺, I seem to have this can't do attitude, It has to change it to I will,

I'm worried I'll make a start and then slip into another flare, I've just come out of a 6mth one, I really havn't got the energy to fight another right now,

[honeybug]

OMGOODNESS Debsdelight72 🤗

If you’re still awake please respond now and we’ll chat about your situation okay???

EvaJo aka EJ 😊🤗♥️🥰🙏🕊🌿🌸🦋

[Hidden in reply to honeybug]

Sorry, Honeybug I must have actually dropped off after posting,

I'll be okay I think, we've come to the conclusion that we will do a room every other day, Take weekends to rest, We will get through this, Blimey when we think we are only in March, It's been a bit crappy year so far, Tomorrow is Monday, John needs to sort out a few bits so tonight I'm looking up some pintrest ideas and a cleaning schedule and my neighbours have a cleaner who might be able to help for a couple of hrs a week, But I don't want anyone to see what I have let my very clean and organised home result to what it is at this stage

[honeybug in reply to Hidden]

I’m soooo sorry about everything sweetie. I want you to know that you and I both share that same boat ride called ? HMS What A Mess. I used to get my house spotless in about 4 hours including all curtains bedding rugs washed and laundry plus dusting ceilings walls all furniture. Vacuuming/hovering mopped floors cleaned bathrooms dishes and meals.

Nowadays it takes 4 hours of thinking how I can do I thing and more often nothing gets done. It all sits here going nowhere fast and ever mounding. I’m disgusted and very low about it but being realistic I no longer am physically able to do anything.

It sounds like you have a great plan and slow but steady gets it done.

I just said a special prayer for you both.

Take care remember to pace NOT race.

Abundant blessings sweetie. 🤗

EJ 🤗♥️🥰🙏🕊🌿🌸🦋

[Tommygurl]

Am so sorry to hear this sending you a big hug. If this was me I would try and get family members or cleaners in to help !! You really don't want to lose your home and sounds like your hubby isn't really coping to well either .

This is not you it's your fibro it's taken over your life and the last thing your going to think about is housework especially having a flare that lasts 6months !!

1 day at a time 1 room at a time declutter and a good clean . If I was you don't even try to tackle this on your own !!

Sending lots of love x

[CheetieCat]

Awful 😔 I used to beat myself up for not getting this or that done but now I do what I can when I can. We feel guilty enough for being unwell and that's totally nuts! Would we be feeling as guilty with a broken leg or more visible illness?

Feeling ashamed is totally understandable but it's pointless, it is not your fault. We don't need anymore stress or negativity so could I suggest speaking to your Local Authority, explain your situation and that you need a little bit of help.

Or If you really don't want to go down that route and you can afford it then maybe a cleaner to come in and blitz the house for you. Once everything is as it used to be it might be easier for you to keep on top of it.

Look at things that may help like a dishwasher, robot vac, steam cleaner, long handled fluffy dusters etc ... Anything that makes cleaning easier for you & hubby + maybe a cleaner every now & then.

Take Care 🤗

[Hidden in reply to CheetieCat]

Thank you for your post, We are just not who we thought we were and have to accept we are not coping,

[Elaine200756]

Aww, bless you. My heart goes out to you. I have major problems with housework. I have been getting much weaker lately after catching a bug, which I still have after almost 4 weeks. Like your husband, mine has taken over the shopping, cooking and helping me with the laundry.

I can't carry laundry downstairs anymore, I just throw it downstairs and when I get down I take it a few pieces at a time to the washing machine. I switch it on and when it's done my husband hangs it up to dry on the clothes horse or the washing line.

My husband isn't well. He has colitis, diverticulitis and prostate cancer. So he doesn't do the housework. My doctor thinks I have a problem with my heart and has made an urgent referral for me to the hospital.

I used to feel guilty and ashamed of the state of my house. But now, when there are days I have to crawl up the stairs and come down on my bum, I don't feel like that. As long as I know I do what I can, no matter how little, I'm not bothered.

Also, the state of my house doesn't define me, or you. God defines me. Or, if you don't have faith, you define who you are and nobody else. Take heart angel, you are not alone xx

[Hidden in reply to Elaine200756]

Thank you Elaine200756,

Hard luck It seems to be the the agency defines me, John gone to the tip with a huge pile of rubbish and cardboard, It looks a little better already,

[Hidden in reply to Elaine200756]

I hope you have the best day possible x

[Elaine200756 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for that Debsdelight. I think the agency may try their damnedest to define you but you can choose to accept it or decline. Certainly you are not your messy house. That isn't who you are it's what you have had to do in order to survive.

You have had so much to carry, so many unbearably heavy loads. And look at you beautiful! You are still standing, still fighting. Fibrowarrior!! xxx 💪👏💝

[R-OD]

Hi it is very worrying for you, I would speak to your Local Authority Housing Department. If your at risk of homelessness they have a duty to help you, that could include negotiating with your landlord. Due to disability you will be considered in priority need, they may even consider that your current home is no longer meeting your needs and re house you. Don’t make your self ill by trying to put it right. Good luck x

[Hidden in reply to R-OD]

Thank you R-OD, I did suggest we go on a list for re-homing, He's a bit set in his ways and does'nt want to move, at the moment, So I think as we are going through the house I shall pack a box too, This way I'm not rushing around playing silly beggars, If we don't open that box in 6 months it can be donated, This house has no storage apart from a small cupboard

I worry we wouldn't be able to have our dogs and cat with us but 2 are very old, I don't want to put them through the upheaval either, I dream about a 2 bed ground floor or a high rise with a good lift, I'm not old enough to get into an older peoples housing yet,They start at 55, I havn't set foot in the garden for a couple of years so there is a shocker the flowers and other mini fruits are doing really well,

We need to scrape back to me being able to get out there and get some vit D

(I am trying)

[R-OD]

just take it one day at a time set yourself achievable targets. I worked in Housing for 23 years and I think as long as you show an improvement they would be on sticky ground if they tried to force an eviction. Even if you don’t want to move the local authority should be able to offer help to keep you were you are, reach out if you want more advice ❤️ xx

[Lillylilac]

Hi DebsdelightI can't really add anything more to what's been said. You are wonderful putting up with what you have got. Please don't let a messy house define you. You are a lovely person. I hate housework and I would get someone in to do a one off clean. But that's me.

Don't let them bully you. They can't just evict you like that. It takes ages from start to finish and like R-OD says housing do have a duty of care.

You will be ok and come through this.

Sending big hugs and love.

Lilly xxx

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Sorry too read this and your sensible in say tackling one room at a time (so you do not end up in another flare. )differently time out at weekends. Our local waste tip has bins for just about everything and also a shop where it sells the products on , what somebody does not use now might be a treasure found for somebody else. Take care ,keep your chin up xx

[22pagets22]

Hello there I feel for you I also live in a flat that is not really tidy but in lockdown and with my health issues iam unable to keep on top of the usual cleaning and because I have help doing other more important things like hospital appointment blooming constant paperwork pip etc iam ashamed to ask for more help and I've had new windows fitted in housing association flat and boiler so all my stuff apart from essential is still boxed up and stacked everywhere and just don't have energy or incentive due to chronic pain and depression I've left it as is and iam not that bothered

[Wobblygirl]

Really good supportive advice above and I do understand how cleaning up is an absolute nightmare when you're incapacitated and weak...

With this aggressive tone from your landlord, I would defensively take action to take photos b4 and after to show (if necessary...) the progress you've undertaken and keep a small diary of your actions, especially trips to tip and all your extra costs???

This is a 'just in case' precaution....

I wish you well in your throwing out+cleaning burst. I just hope you don't get too exhausted and find time to shop for easy food breaks so you can have nourishing breaks in your lovely cleared home???

I have to do corners to feel in charge!

Then I hire a cleaner 2 do proper cleaning.

It's just so hard but I live alone so have to find methods that suit my lifestyle....

There are 2 rooms that I cannot walk into!!!

Good luck to you. I hope you succeed xxx

[Elaine200756 in reply to Wobblygirl]

What a good idea Wobblygirl xxx

[Cotswolds25121]

Hi lovely, from the posts above I hope it makes you remember that you are not alone in this situation. I live on my own and find it extremely difficult and exhausting to keep my 1bed flat clean and tidy. I still have to work although I’ve had to cut down to 4 days a week as I am struggling. Pip has enabled me to be able to do this 🙏I am thankfully so very lucky to have my daughter who comes and stays every couple of months and completely spring cleans my home and I then try to keep it at an acceptable (to me) level. I couldn’t manage without her ❤️so much so that the plan is in the next couple of years I am going to move near her and her husband so that I have more support from them. I’m extremely fortunate and grateful believe me. Have you tried an appointment with CAB? Citizens advise Bureau. Or other similar advice services? I’m trying to think of what you might be able to do for support and maybe these agencies can help in your situation or your GP? Again I understand how difficult this is nowadays to even get an appointment with anybody. You are both in my thoughts and if I come up with anything that may help I shall msg you again. All my love and best to you both 🤗🤗xx

[marguLIS]

Hi lovely lady, I'm sorry to read that you're having a hard time with a land lord, but they are not generally known for their compassion. Hope you dont mind me asking if you are registered as disabled, and/ or are claiming any benefits between you? Sounds as though you should be. If you do, you could use some of it to pay a cleaner/ carer if you need it. If you don't have a social worker, your GP may be able to refer you to one who can help.

While I worked for many years with the NHS, I have been on many home visits which literally took my breath away, and not in a good way. But never any judgement from any of our team we were there to help. We all knew that people rarely live like that through choice and your home sounds as though it just needs some TLC because you can't manage. That is not your fault, you are both unwell.

Don't ever feel ashamed, or too embarrassed to ask for help.

As someone suggested, take photos of every thing, before, during and after what ever you/ cleaner or carer can manage to tidy and clean.

Don't let them bully you, explain your situation to your GP , contact social services, local disability and cancer services for help at home. If you are private tenants you can contact Shelter for help and advice.

There is help out there, and it may take some effort but keep strong and look after yourselves. Hope this is of some help to you both.

Power to the people! ( especially fibro warriors)

Good luck, xx Tallulah,