I don't remember

Hi all, my husband is my carer full time. I didn't ask him, he decided he wanted to do it and I'm very very grateful. However, he's downstairs tonight and I'm upstairs because I forgot about something. Basically a programme called Atlantis was advertised on TV and apparently I said I liked the sound of it and wanted to watch it. Tonight he showed me what day and time it's on and I said oh that's not for me, I don't want to watch that. He then banged his head against the wall and had a gob on with me. I can't help it if I can't remember and I shouldn't have to apologise for it either. I probably will though. Has anyone else had this problem with a family member/friend? The way he spoke to me tonight, made it sounds like he was saying I did it on purpose!!!! Yes my old life where I could walk on my own and look after myself was so crap that I decided to be ill!!!!! Sorry I'm just really upset and don't know what's going to happen next xxx

17 Replies

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  • Hi Babebatista, I fully understand how u feel. My husband became my full-time carer few yrs back when my fibro became unbearable and was in constant flares. Its not the 1st time my hubby r the kids have said that I've said something and I have absolutely no idea of saying it r even why I would say such a thing. Yes its frustrating 2 b told uv said something uv no recollection of saying it r a reason why but try looking at it from ur hubby's point of view also. Hes frustrated trying 2 make sense of something u cant even make sense of, maybe hes tired as well. Im sure he knows u don't do it on purpose but we all have a breaking point. Maybe he could do with a break out without u, I mean just walk in the fresh air r something 2 recharge his batteries every once in a while. Im sure when u both calm down and relax ul both reassess the situation and everything will b great again. Ur hubby needs 2 apologise 2 for going off on 1 but frustration and this illness changes not just us but family closest 2 us. Hope u feel better soon and come back from this a better couple. Hugs 2 u xx

  • Hi nanaanna, Thank you for your lovely comments. I do have to try and remember and to see it from his point of view especially if we are going to move forwards with each other. I said last night that he needs a break and maybe going for a walk sounds like a great idea. Gentle hugs to you hun xx

  • I know how u feel. I was just having a conversation with my husband and my mum said some use so I spoke 2 her and my husband said why did u ask about the football 2 which I said I didn't ask anything with a roll of his eyes and my mums gentle reminder I remembered. The other people that I hav this problem with is my boss yesterday I had 2 ask how 2 do something I've been doing 4 6 yrs then 2 day I stood outside 4 10 mins as I had forgot the access code and his reply 2 this is I should been more time at work I already work 40 hours a week and hav 2 young children. Maybe him going out 4 an hour would help but I'm sure he understands from ur point of view

  • Hi Hols, Oh this illness is horrid. I hate forgetting things I really do. It can be so horribly upsetting at times. I don't work anymore because this illness has taken my mobility aswell. I also have M.E. and a nerve condition so as you can see my life has gone totally downhill within the last 2-3 years. However I used to work as a PA and I think as my illness was starting, looking back I think it was starting to affect me at work as I was forgetting quite a few things. I think what's worse is like yourself, something you have done many many times is so easy but when you stand there looking at it blankly like you've never seen it before must be so hard for you hun. I'm going to suggest that he goes for a walk when times are tough as he would enjoy that. Gentle hugs hols and thanks for sharing and for you lovely comment. xxx

  • Hi Babe

    I have the same problem. Thankfully my oh seems to be very very tolerant of my poor memory. It must be a real strain for him though. He still has all the pressures of a busy fulltime job to hold down. Is it really the fibro that makes our memories so pitiful?! I look and feel half as sleep all the time these days. I have a migraine now nearly everyday and the only drug that touches them for me is sumitriptan and I can only take 4 tablets max per month. Its no wonder that some days I feel quite suicidal and a real burden to my partner.

  • Hi shuskin, Thank you for sharing and for your lovely comment. I have felt like a burden to my husband and my family many times. Like you I have days where tiredness is more prominent that pain and then vice versa. I've found that migraines are becoming more of a problem for me but I have the ones that affect the eyes so I've got blurred vision at the moment, something else to make our lives a bit harder hey. It's things I notice day by day for me, it always seems to be something new. Gentle hugs hun, xxx

  • My husband and daughter are not understanding at all I urgr them to read up on fibro and they dont.

  • Hi wall1409, thank you for your comment and for sharing. I'm sorry that your husband and daughter are not understanding. I know I'm very lucky with my family. My husband is for the most part very understanding, it all just came to a head last night. Gentle hugs hun, I hope that soon your family read up on Fibro and start to understand you. xxx

  • I have the same problem, neither my partner nor my 2 daughters are very accepting of my many memory lapses. I have calendars in every room and a diary in every bag, yet I still forget things all the time. Like Hols 15 - I also have to ask sometimes how to do something which I have been doing for YEARS!!! It's as if I am ageing backwards.

  • Hi goodienuff, Thank you for sharing and for your comment. I think with my husband it just came to a head last night. Normally things are pretty good between us. I suppose it happens with all couples. I have to put all of my appointments into my iphone and set reminders for everything as I just totally forget everything. I think out of everything the memory loss is the hardest thing to deal with. Gentle hugs hun, xxx

  • Thank you all of you for your lovely and kind replies. One thing I've been able to do since I was 3/4 is spell. I've always been a good speller, but this last year all of that has changed. I now have to ask people how to spell something, even short words. I just can't remember how to do and its infuriating me. We both had a really good talk last night and its made things more bearable. My husband is not normally a talker or someone who tells you how your feeling, but last night he told me how he's been feeling. It was good to know even though I had an inkling anyway. So all is good again and we've had a really good day today and we've discussed my ongoing illness and that things may be this way for a while. it just takes time and a lot of patience. But thank you so much for your kind and lovely comment. Gentle hugs to you all xxx

  • So glad you and your OH had a good chat and sorted it out, it must be very hard for them sometimes to understand just what we are going through.

  • I have always dealt with finances in the home and making sure everything is paid, insurances renewed etc even birthdays for all my husbands family, making sure all cards are bought. I have had to tell him, he now needs to take responsibility as I am forgetting even though I have them written down

  • Hi wall, I know its very difficult hun. My husband has to deal with phonecalls and talking to people as I get confused very easily (I never used to before) and I almost always forget what they've said. The words just seem to evaporate inside my head lol. It is hard to deal with memory loss. That's the worst part of the illness for me. I mean I'm in constant pain but I understand that I can take medication for that. I can't take anything to stop memory loss. I hate forgetting things, that's why everything goes in my phone now. Gentle hugs to you hun xx

  • Hi babebatista, I'm sorry you are upset by your husbands reaction which is a misunderstanding probably and sounds like maybe he's got frustrated with you which isn't your fault due to your condition and I can sympathise with how your condition causes you to forget etc. I think it's hard for people caring for us sometimes as I guess they get tired and grumpy at times and I hope he and you manage to talk about what happened and sort things out. It's so difficult for you both by the sounds if it as he cares for you full time and being with someone all the time who doesn't gave your difficulties can get tense sometimes and even more so when we rely on them so much. I feel sorry for my husband as he looks after me and our disabled daughter and when he gets home from his full time work he starts again cooking, cleaning and helping us both with things we can't physically do ourselves. He must get so fed up sometimes! I'm sorry but I don't know what your illness is? I've got Fibro, scoliosis and Lymphoedema and my daughter is Autistic and has spinocerebellar ataxia. I hope you've sorted things out with him now. Best wishes

    April

  • Hi Moonstonebright (I love that name). I suffer with Fibro, M.E. and a nerve condition which isn't neurological but it affects the nerves around the body. So I get a horribly tingly feeling like electricity right to the ends of my fingers, toes, neck, pelvic region, hips, elbows, shoulders everywhere. It's truly awful. I'm having trouble typing today, just can't spell anything right lols. I've been suffering with scoliosis too. I was diagnosed at 16 but they think I've had since I was little. Things between me and my hubbie are better now. I think its like what you said, its a lot of hard work looking after me and I know that he gets tired. Before he gave up work to look after me he was doing a full time job then coming home and sorting me and our kids out and then by the time doing all that he's got no relax time if you know what I mean. Thankfully we've got very good children who at 7 and 11 can help out a lot at home so my husband isn't overstretched. Thank you so much for replying to my post. Best wishes and gentle fibro hugs xxxx

  • Hi babebatista, I can really sympathise with you, my poor husband works 12 hour days and has work to do at home in the evening plus has to look after our disabled daughter and do the things that I can't do for her. I do try to do the showering personal care things although I am really struggling to manage this. My husband has to cook for us too as I can't stand long enough or chop veggies etc. I feel so sorry for him but there is nothing we can do to change things. I really would love to have just one night away from our daughter as much as I love her, there is no time for us as a couple. I must stop moaning now, it wont help. Take care and I hope you and your husband are ok.

    April

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