In pain broken relationship still grieving for my mum and cant find no where to live council dont want to no and estate agents dont want to no as im on esa im at my end dont no what to do i cant take the stress hugs to you all xx
Helpless: In pain broken relationship... - Fibromyalgia Acti...
Helpless
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dawnlancaster
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56 Replies
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Hi dawnlancaster
I have read your post with so much pain and sorrow for what you are having to endure, and I sincerely hope that you can find some resolution and relief to these issues my friend.
I was wondering if you have tried the local housing associations in your area? Maybe they can offer you some help? Some of them will deal only with disabled people or people who have a particular illness, so they may be worth looking into?
Another thought is to contact both your local Citizens Advice Bureau and your local Women's Centre, as they may have a list of affordable accommodation and some contacts that could help?
You could also discuss your situation with your GP / Medical Specialists, as they will also have contacts and (most organsiations) a liaison officer who could possibly help you?
I want to genuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck and please, please take care of yourself.
All my hopes and dreams for you
Ken x
Just had another thought my friend. Do you have a social worker? If not, it may be beneficial to ring or visit your local social services office and explain your situation to them? Good luck x
Thank you ken but i gave up my council flat to move back in with my boyfriend as he said he would change but he didt and my name aint on the council tenancy so they dont want to no and i cant tell my famley as they are greving cant worry them. I feel i cant cope im stuck in my bedroom to stay out of hes way but he said i would have to hurry up and get somewhere even though its a 2 bedroom house im so low and lonley x
If you have anything in writing from your ex giving you notice to leave the council should provide emergency accommodation for you and because of your illness they can't put you just anywhere. If you are able go to the council, make an application and fingers crossed you get something sorted. It is a horrible situation to be in but you must keep fighting, giving up makes us feel worthless. Go forward in the knowledge that you have this forum behind you, supporting you and wanting better for you xx
I am so genuinely sorry to read that my friend. I agree with Scottish-piglet, as it may help your cause if you can get something in writing from your boyfriend? Good luck and please take care of yourself x
Dawn Sorry your so down my friend.Things will come around and I know that's easy for me to say but they will.Please hang I there.Peck🌻.
Hi dawn I'm so sad to hear of your situation especially as I was in same boat afew years ago... I went eventually to cab and met a church charity called homelink that helped me. Try the cab if there's a church led help in your area. It really helped me. Emotionally please know that as low as you now are you will rise up from this , and things will get easier in time. One wonders how we cope but somehow we do with support and kindness we will get through. Always here if you need a chat.
Bea
Thank you hugs to you x
Hi Dawnlancaster, I am so sorry you are going through all this, have you tried the online assessment by Shelter, you fill out a questionaire, and they will assess you on your situation. I would also advice you do this through CAB, who can also help with emergency housing. Also I do hope you find peace for grieving for your Mum. I wish you all the best of luck. Take care.xx
dawnlancaster• in reply to
Thank you hugs x
Hi Dawnlancaster hugs and love send to you. 🙏
Hi Dawn I am so sorry you are going through all this heartache and having to deal with all of this!
You have been given excellent advise here be everyone and I do hope things get better
First do get that note from your ex to say he is evicting you, that's first thing!
Next....
Compile a list of all the people you have been advised to contact and that way you can tick the boxes, if you go to council and they say no, ask them for explanation in writing, same with other places , get yourself a social worker as being ill is bad enough but you need someone to help you stand right now.
Another suggestion is to contact local churches in your area as some of the parishioners specifically let their flats to people in need of a step on the ladder, you don't need too be a member of any churches to do this, most churches have meetings every day so drop in and ask them if they can help you.
I do hope things get better for you my friend as it's hard enough dealing with this in a fit state far less when you have an illness
Just another little thought, go onto Internet and print off info on the fact that they now know the cause of fibro, and that it is an illness as its proof when you go to these places that you have a serious illness and require assistance of some sort
Hugs coming your way,remember we all surround you with love
Guccigirl x
Thank you everyone xxx
Thinking of you today - I think everyone on here has given you amazing answers - good luck - years ago I was in a bad relationship - "living in separate rooms" it can get so much better - good luck -neese
Thank you i just cant see away out iv got no hopes x
Sweetheart, the one thing you do have is 'hope'. I know it must feel like looking for the woods through the trees at the moment ( slept on sofa for 6mths !) but you have been given some excellent advice. There is so much going on for you that I can imagine how overwhelming it can be. I feel that not only do you need the practical support but you also need some emotional as well. I urge you to seek support wherever you can find it and through collaborations you will make positive steps towards a more secure future where you can grieve for your mum in peace.
Sending you the biggest, fattest, softest hugs to you. (you're stronger than you know) xxxx
A social worker could properly find you temporary accommodation in a woman's shelter. A friend of mine did this and then she got a lovely housing association flat. I'm sorry times are hard at the moment but they will pass. Another thought is even though your name was not on the council tenancy you gain certain rights if you have lived there a considerable time, maybe check with CAB or council.
Good luck
Fibro stops us from dealing so well with the hellish curve balls that life throws at us. You certainly have so much on your plate at the moment.
My advice would be to tackle only one issue at the time so that it's not overwhelming. You have already had replies from others that are helpful so I won't add to the list.
I just want to let you know that you have my moral support, and I hope you manage to get some solutions soon 🐸
Hello Dawn I'm new on here so just making new friends! Sorry for you're grief & pain. The worse thing about all this, its at these times we need our strength the most! You will get through it, as hard as it is (as most of us on here know!) you need to summon up the energy to contact all of the possible resources people have put on here & get as much support & information as you can! In fact I'm going to do the same, Im not going to turn this around & start talking about me, just believe me when I say I know most of what you're going through! If there is anyone (a friend/ family) who might be able to help you with this "ASK! if not, ask" on here, these great people are really helping me! Wishing you all the very best. Stay in touch. Sandra X
• in reply to
Sorry my reply sounds a tad overwhelming!.. Sorebones is right, just take one step at a time! We are all here! 💁
dawnlancaster• in reply to
Hugs to you and hope you are ok xx
Hello, There is hope, you can contact Shelter who specialize in your situation, by phoning their helpline and also there are drop-in centres where they will open a file and work on your behalf. (If your ex-boyfriend could write a note stating he wants you to leave, then the Council can declare you as unintentionally homeless and perhaps get you temporary accommodation and this puts you in a better situation for council accommodation - get advice from Shelter on this one first). Another option is special accommodation for abused women (if that is the case). Also, there are some privately rented places that do accept people on benefits. There are sometimes cards from private landlords on some Newsagents windows or advertised locally in Newspapers places for rent. Crisis is another organisation and also CAB will be able to help you well as others have mentioned, and they have given good advice.
My other thought if you can, and when you feel able to, is to open up and speak to trusted family members, who may be able to help you through this difficult time. Particularly as you are feeling so low......
All is not lost, you may feel in a dark place at present, but the sooner you take steps to remove yourself and get a place of your own with support the better.
Hope this is of some help. Step by step you will be ok.
Take Care, keep in touch with us.
Alice
dawnlancaster• in reply to
Thank you hugs to you x
Hi dawnlancaster,
I really feel for you. There have been wonderful replies given to you already but I just want to say please listen to the advice and try to make positive practical steps each day by asking the various organisations for help. There are people out there who can help you get out of this. It is not the end of the road.
I know this isn't easy at all but if you see it as a chance for a new path with opportunities for change and freedom then it will help you see the light.
As has been said the pain of fibro compounds our ability to cope so be kind to yourself and ask for help from professionals and organisations.
I've been in tough situations. There is nearly always a way through and you will see things differently in time.
Xx
I know what you mean I'm having a very similar problem. Last December my partner died of a very short illness I took him to the hospital one Saturday and he died the following Saturday. We had been together for 14 years. He was 20 years older than me and had a son who was only five years younger them me. Within 48 I lost my partner and had to put my cat down then I got home to find his son had managed to get a key from my neighbour and let himself in. He then told me he had spoken to a solicitor who said I was nothing more than a lodger and had to get out of the house even though I had put money in to it. Unfortunately everything was in my partners name and he didn't leave a will. So I told his son to leave and got myself a solicitor. Everything has been a complete nightmare I found out the next day he had taken the keys to all the cars ( we had 3 ) so I have been stranded in the house ever since except for a few times when someone can give me a lift. It's a very long waiting game now. The council say I can get a 1 bed flat but there rant any they have classed me as intentionally homeless I don't know how they work that one out and to top it all of my letter arrived last week for the renewal of my esa so if I loose that as well I'm totally stuffed.
Good luck with your troubles I hope things work out for you.
From Sarah
Just read your post. So sorry you're having to go through this. Keep plugging away and you'll get there. His son sounds awful. What a thing to do. X
Thank you. I haven't spoken to any of my partners family since December. They only one who has contacted me was my partners sons wife who we both could not stand. She wanted the Christmas presents which I said she could collect then after on the 23rd December she text me to ask if we could agree without solicitors that they removed my name from them to make the grieving process easier for the kids I didn't respond as it's what she wanted an excuse for me to have a go at her. Luckily I took photos of all the presents just in case there was a problem later on down the road. I haven't heard anything from them since. I do have a small silver lining I'm getting a kitten on Saturday I can't wait.
Thanks again.
What awful people. I feel for you. Good you're getting a kitten! X
Thank you
I truly wish you the very best.You sound like a strong person.Keep on keeping on!! Always around if you need to chat.Peck☺
I'm normally the suffer in silence type hence I haven't written anything on here for three years but I read all the posts. Thank you again.
You need to get back writing!! It's good for you, us, everybody!! Hope to see post from you soon.Peck✌
Thank you. I will see what I can do but I find it really hard to do anything at the moment I feel totally deflated but you all will know about.
Hi Sarah - how absolutely horrible behaviour from your partners son. If you have put money into the property, and you have proof, you will have an equitable interest in the property - your solicitor should be able to help you with this to put a charge on the property.
Good luck with everything.
Trish x
Hi yes the proof I need is from 14 years ago and is very hard to find as nobody keep records for that long and company's go bust. My solicitor seems to think that I might be able to claim everything but it all depends on a judge. There are two claims I don't begin to understand any of it and the fibro fog is no help at all. The first claim is to do with the property we first got which is where I need the proof . The second is part of the inheritance act and a judge looks at what you will need in the future not what you Putin in the past. Let's face it with this illness we will all need more help in the future. I wish it was easier but then nothing ever will be. Thank you all for you help and advise.
Hi spikey9222
I am so genuinely sorry to read this and I want to sincerely wish you all the best of luck, please take care of yourself.
Hi Dawn, first of all when a relationship breaks up NOBODY can make you homeless without a court order to remove you so boyfriend will have to put up with you until you get property! It would do him good to help you find a place, throw that back at him and stay put, just provide for youself, it doesn,t mean coz you are on "benefit alley" you should be discriminated against.. Go to you local CAB/Welfare Rights office for help, get your g.p to put you onboard with a social worker, ALL these people will help you, but STAY PUT and don,t be forced or call the police if he gets violent!
dawnlancaster• in reply to
Thank you for that advice but hes 6.4 and im only 5.1 he could just throw me out but ill take your advice at im not well.
Hi, I am so sorry to hear about your situation, pain is bad enough then add the loss of your mum and your ex boyfriend (who should know better than to give you the stress of getting out of his flat) I am so angry with him on your behalf. I agree with some of the others who have replied and that is you have to go to your CAB, ring and make an appointment I am sure they can advise and help you. For the future, never give up your independence for a man, you need to be sure you are going to be ok before any man. I hope your ex is not giving you too much grief. Please take care, please let us know how you get on. soft hugs x
Thank you. And i will hope you ok x
Hang in there, I was in a very dark place mentally 18 months ago. Although I still suffer with chronic pain and struggle to get by on ESA I am finally for the first time ever in my life in a happy place and I am at peace with myself.
Hugs
Yea but im also going to be homeless xx
I was homeless several years ago, so I do know what you are going through. I was divorced, bankrupt and homeless and lost my mum all at the same time. Just hope and pray you find a way forward. There is hope even when things seem at the lowest.
So sorry I haven't any answers. Sending soft gentle Hugs.
hi, So sorry to read what your experiencing, l think most have given you good practical advice re finding a home for yourself, be it council and declaring yourself homeless, c.a.b or church groups who can often help, so hope that helps you see a way forward. But as bad as it seems dont give up hope, things can improve for you, finding your own home will be a good start, best wishes.
You have had brilliant replies so I won't add anything more than my thoughts are with you and when you are at rock bottom the only way is up.😃x
Hi there
I am so very sorry that you are in such a dreadful situation.
You have been given some marvellous advice here. The only thing I can add is to take Sorebones advice.
Get yourself some paper and write down the great ideas you have been given. If you use yell.com you can look up the numbers of a lot of these places that way.
You can also try looking for websites for them. Just do a Google search of the name.
As has been said, can you find yourself a Social Worker or at least someone who can make phone calls for you?
If not, gather together all your strength and make that first phone call. After that it will get easier to make more calls. Write down what people say to you and remember to ask the name of who you are speaking to. That way, if you need to call them again you have their name and number to hand.
I am very much hoping that someone from the CAB will make some calls for you.
Please don't leave. If you do you will have made yourself homeless (in the Councils eyes). If he does throw you out, contact the police (so that you have it on record) and then contact a Women's Refuge.
I do completely understand that you are in pain and don't feel as though you can cope with all of this, but try to remember the amount of care and support everyone is showing you here. We are all rooting for you.
Make a list of things you need to do. Being able to tick off the things you have done will help you to see that you are moving forward.
If you need me to find out any telephone numbers etc for you, send me a pm (private message) and I will do my best to help you.
Please will you keep us updated on how you are doing?
Wishing you much strength to see you through the next few days and weeks. My sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother.
Lu x
Admin
Hi thank you so much for caring my ex said i can stay till i find somewhere as long as i stay in my room i would like to say a big huge thank you to everyone for caring its all of you thats getting me threw this xxxxxxxx
That's great news ~ if you know what I mean?!
I still think it would be a good idea for you to have an action plan ready, just in case the worst comes to the worst.
I just see that as being practical and having a back up plan, but obviously that's your call.
I would still be happy to help you find any numbers you may need if you'd like me to.
Take care of yourself xx
PS We are very much behind you, but YOU are the one that's being strong. Don't forget that 😊
Thank you you are so nice and hope we talk again hugs to you xx
I'm so sorry I haven't got back to you before now. Of course we can chat again and if you think there is anything at all I may be able to help you with, please don't hesitate to let me know.
Is there a way that you can screenshot this page so that you can keep it for future reference? You've been given some wonderful advice by lots of people and it would be good for you to be able to have it to hand.
If you're on an iPad I can explain to you how to do this.
Thank you for the hugs. They are much appreciated 😊
Gentle hugs to you and I do hope you are feeling a little more settled today xx
I have nothing to add only that my thoughts and good wishes are with you.
Look after yourself.
Xx
Thank you yo all that are helping me xx
Hi dawnlancaster. I am so sorry that you have lost your mum. I hope that your current difficulties wont last long. I am sending you hugs and good wishes for the future.
Take care of yourself and remember here you have friends who will listen whenever you are in need.
Thank you i do feel low but everyone on here is lovley and to top it of my cats been missing a month x
Also women's aid for advice and temporary housing. Personal experience they were fantastic, support and counselling as well as somewhere to stay, All the best and it DOES get BETTER
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