i cant do this anymore

i really cant ive been trying for 2 half month im so low ive been trying to keep a lid on it by helping others who are lonely an afraid but it didn't work ive hardly eaten for 2half month ive not eaten at all since before xmas all the abuse ive taken from parents/partners i even got abused in intensive care an ruffed up by the ward manager when i had a twisted bowel an nearly died i told the police but said they could do nothing coz they are not aloud to look into hospital records i felt so scared an still do i nearly died again 5 years ago with a bowel blockage i was vomiting my bowels i didnt want go back in hospital even thow the pain was so mad i had no choice the end as i ended up in inventive care again for 3month but thank-full a better hospital but it dint stop me being afraid ive told this horrible man i live with that was my partner for 12 years an now my lodger i tried telling in hospital the 1st time what had happened to me an he didnt want to know i couldn't talk as i had a tracheotomy an tried writing it down an begging my family not to leave me i cant do it anymore i don't want to be here an more he just goes out an gets drunk every day with no feeling of the abuse he has done to me he done everything humanly possible to me i cannot tell tell my beautiful grown up sons what he has done to me coz they would kill i know they would an he worth my sons behind bars for years so i cant tell anyone only yous im done the tears are rolling an rolling an wont stop i feel so alone unhappy an ver depressed so please dont hate me i know you dont want to hear this as well as having fibro like me that made me half the person i used to be with no help from docs thank you for being there xx

20 Replies

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  • oh chicme i really feel for you you are not alone i was in an abusive marriage for 17yrs and it took alot to walk away but what i will say to you is that there is alot of help around for people in your position dont suffer in sileance have you thought of calling the samaratins they are so lovely and it really helps to talk to someone inconfidance also womens aid they can give you so much information and help as for the way you were treated in hospital thats terrible maybe you could discuss it with someome from citzens advice dont forget everything is confidential so unless you want to take things further no one else will know your gp should be able to help you to especially with your deppresion ,i know how it feels when you are at rock bottom but there is a way out plz plz seek some help im sure everyone on here is thinking of you and cares about you xx

  • Chicme, you need help and support, and it might be a good idea if you ask the local Women's Aid to find you a place in a refuge. They are skilled in referring their clients to legal help and medical assistance

    Once you are safe and comfortable, you can begin to find help with your other problems, and I urge you to ensure your safety before you try to deal with anything else.

    I do hope that you will do this urgently before you come to any further harm and illness.

    Take care, love Moffy x x x

  • Oh Chicme, I feel so sad, and so angry hearing your story. Please don't give up. If not for yourself (today) then for your sons. You don't want to talk to them about the abuse you've suffered, in order to protect them, so you obviously love them very much. Please don't do anything that would hurt them.

    You do need help. You need to find people to talk to who will believe you, and believe in you, and support you to find your way out of this dark place. And my hope for you is that you get to a place where you know how much you are worth, not just as your sons' mother, but as a whole person, and you learn to value yourself more than some of the people around you are valuing you.

    Please try and eat, start with something small, and build up from there. It sounds like you are in starvation, and your mind cannot work clearly when the body Is so short of food.

    Don't be afraid to ask for support, here or anywhere else, whether it's the Samaritans, your GP, or whoever.

    Wishing you all the best

    Kaz

    xx

  • it dosent matttttttttttttttttttttter annnnnnnnnymooooooooore bbbbbutt thank u iiiiiiiiii juust wwwwantttttttttttedddddddd tto ttttttelllllllll mmmyyyyyyyyy stttttttttttorrrrrrrry

  • It does matter. And you matter. Take care of yourself.

    (((Hugs)))

  • Chicme,

    I am sorry you feel the way you do at the moment. It sounds like you have many stressful issues that you need some support with and please don't be sorry the forum is a place to express your feelings. We will always listen and provide suggestion that may help.

    I hope you will consider the advice given and contact either of the following for support

    Womens Aid 0808 2000 247

    Samaritans

    08457 90 90 90

    jo@samaritans.org

    samaritans.org

    abuse-survivors.org.uk/

    With you Fibromyalgia your situation is obviously causing stress which is impacting on your physical health and you may consider explaining your feelings to you GP also.

    Where are you ? Which county are you near ? maybe there is a Fibromyalgia support group near you.

    We all here send strength and hope you find the support you need to help you.

    Thinking of you

    Emma

  • I know you want to get better inside, and I know you feel you can't fall any closer to the ground, but believe me you know yourself better than anyone and the love of your sons will keep you going. I have been there and know how hard it is to get up but first, you realise what is happening to you and that you need to eat, I started by taking a travel sickness pill to keep my food down, that was the first step to getting ME back. I started to gain strength by taking bits of ME back that people took away like my character, my self esteem and every step made me stronger. Chicme you have already took the first step be realizing that your world is not happy or right.

    Mdaisy has given you a step-up go for it and we will be here with every step you take......................good luck on your journey to finding you.

  • I can only echo everyones thoughts here hun. I have been where you are rigth now, so many years ago. It was the love of my family that got me through, and the love fo your sons will get you through xxxxx

  • you are important and you do matter! please read the replies above, I echo what they'e said. I have times when I can't or don't eat and make myself have a few crisps or plain biscuits or even packet mash just to get something down. please try and eat even a little and drink water - lack of food and drink can worsen pain and depression.

    please don't give up chicme,

    keep in touch love,

    regards,

    sandra.

  • please get in touch with womens aid, you have been given really good advice, you are worth more than this and do not have to be treated so badly! i wish you strength,

  • Hi Chicme

    All the above advise is brilliant and there is no way you should suffer in silence after all you have been through. Please believe me when I say the people you have had to deal with are the minority. There is plenty of help out there so please take it.

    You don't say where you are from, there maybe help close by.

    Please have faith my love and stay in touch. We are all here for you.

    Piggie hugs xxxxxx

  • Please please take the advice. You are worth more than what you have been made to put through. Just by letting us know, you have taken the first step to get out of your current situation. Keep it going and don't give him the satisfaction, fight back. All of us are here anytime as well as the organisations above.

    A plea from someone who knows. Please don't harm yourself. I have lived through it and the scars of those left last a lifetime.

    Good luck, there are people like us willing to listen. Please let us know if you need to have a rant or talk things through. I hope to hear from you soon that your life is moving forward.

    New Year, new start of a better life.

    Jo

  • Chicme. There's an organisation called Alanon, where people who have been affected by others who drink, get together to heal themselves. When we, arrive in alanon we all do so on our knees. We soon find we're not alone. It's a safe place to begin to journey towards happiness and serenity.

    There's meetings all over the country. Its free. We just take a donation for room rent. Being round someone who abuses alcohol makes us feel crazy. It makes everything 100 times more difficult.

    I found when I started to deal with that insanity, I also began to be able to deal with my fibro (and all that goes with it) much better.

    The head office phone number is 0207 403 0888. There are people there waiting to listen. And there's a web site

    al-anonuk.org.uk

    On there you'll find local meetings to you.

    You don't need an appointment. You don't have to do anything other than listen. You don't even have to stay for the whole thing. But by going you might find you start to feel better x

    Really hope you're having a better day today x

    Stepper x

  • Chicme, please keep going. We are all here for you.

    The Samaritans will listen to you without judging you, too.

    You MUST get some help. I know what depression is like and I have been to the bottom of the pit and back several times throughout my life. When you are at rock bottom it feels like there is no way out but, if you get some professional help you will start to feel better, even if it takes some time. I am on anti-depressants permanently now, as I never want to be at the bottom of that dark, cold pit again.

    Everyone who has responded to your desperate cry for help cares about you. We are all offering different advice...Alanon, Women's refuge etc etc. It doesn't really matter where you start with getting some help, but start somewhere...PLEASE.

    As Sandra says, too, try to get a little food inside you otherwise you will make yourself really, really ill. Your sons sound lovely and they would be heartbroken if you became seriously ill.

    Please, please start to look after yourself. You are WORTH it. Don't let an abusive relationship completely destroy you. All of us on here will support you to the best of our ability.

    When I was in a terrible state one day a few years ago, I phoned a friend and she took me to A&E and from there I got some help. It was probably the only time in my life that I have ever asked anyone for help and I am so glad I did because I had hit rock bottom and I felt there was absolutely no way out.... BUT... thank God there was and THERE WILL BE for you.

    Keep in touch with all of us. Love and prayers are with you. Saskia. XX

  • Honey I have been where you are now not the bowel problem but the abuse and the not being able to cope. I took the wrong action i tried to end my life 5 times this hurt my children and my parents badly and made it harder in some ways for me. You have to leave this abusive relationship until you do you will not be able to cope with everything else. You need to go to a women refuge this was where i was turned down because of my suicide attempts. I had got the police involved my husband at the time (now ex) was raping me whilst i was under the influence of a very high dose of amytryptiline i would be asleep and wake to find he had undressed me and was taking advantage shall we say he said i gave consent but if you are unconscious how can that be. I found the strength and the way in the end to leave and that is what you need to do. Do not let this man do this to you anymore please start the new year with a new resolution you can do it I am not saying it is easy because it s not far from it.

    If you have a friend that you can go to temporarily over the new year do it or family that will take you in. Then find out where your local advice centre is or a social worker that can help you. I have to admit i didm't know where to go but somehow managed to do it..

    Do this for you.

    Take care and I hope you manage to face this head on and be firm and strong no matter how scared you are it is the right thing to do.

    Hugs to you and prayers and thoughts Jackie xxxx

  • Hey, you MUST take heart from all the great advice you have been given on here. All the comments mean you are not alone, we are ALL rooting for you. Only you can put any of it into practice and we are all willing you to do so. Do not let your partner win,try to rise above it all, be selfish put yourself first and get to somewhere safe ASAP. Phone some of the numbers you've been given above. You are on the brink of a new year YOU have the power to make it a good one by the choices you make now. Good luck, let us all know how you get on and don't do anything stupid for your sons sake. xx

  • Hang in there please

    A new year coming things can only get better

    all the very best Thinking of you

    Hugs & Blessings

    Bobby

  • Hi Chicme

    You must realise that we are all here for you and will do whatever we can for you and you will get the best advice here so please do not do anything but read and pick the best reply for you and run with that, if that does not suit then try the next and in the end you will get to the one that will help.

    All the best for the new year ( and we hope for better times for us all )

    Kindest regards

    Terry

  • Hello Chicme, just checking you are ok and that you've seen all the support here for you with all the messages you have received.

    I hope you are able to pop in soon and give us an update as to how you are. Please know that we are all here for you at all times and we will help and support you as much as we can.

    Take care, hope to hear from you soon.

    (((hug))) xxx

    Libs

  • Bless ,really hope things get better for you x

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