I dont have a life so why do i bother going on???

Having a real bad day!!! So upset, been ill with food poisoning for couple days asked my adult son to clean cats tray, do dishes and tidy his mess downstairs yesterday, he didnt do anything so i had to do it all this morning. went in my neighbours for usual cuppa but couldnt settle cos stomach cramps and had all this to do when i got in. No point telling my son we will just argue and i dont want any more confrontation. Im upset all the time again lately, im so tired i sleep on and off all day, i dream bad dreams all the time, my kids never bother asking how i am when they do call, my friends have all deserted me, im in constant pain especially my shoulder where i had an op, my right leg feels like its on fire constantly, i cant bend, my joints kill even though i been told i dont have arthritis but my hands knees and hips hurt so much. I feel so alone and fed up. I have no life, i just wish one day i wouldnt wake up.

Sorry for feeling sorry for myself, this is another thing that gets to me as i know so many more people are worse off than me. But i cant help the way i feel.

My doc dont understand. I have a CBT counsellor but we just talk about me thinking of myself as all i ever do is rescue (as she puts it) worry and care for others.

23 Replies

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  • sorry peeps this seems like an essay doesnt it?

  • Not at all, it's what the group and we are about xxx

  • Hi Kialaya

    So sorry to hear how bad you've been feeling. It's awful when you feel so low and can't seem to manage to pull yourself out of that sorrow.

    You have a right to feel sorry for yourself, we all do at some point. I have just been given anti depressants as I was feeling as you do.

    Could you not change your doctor? It really helps if you have a sympathetic doctor that you can talk to and who will listen to how you feel.

    All of us at some point feel as though we are on our own and that the pain is never ending. But there will be a day that you wake up and think today is going to be a better day and you will feel more able to cope with the pain.

    Big gentle hugs to you xx

  • :) Like :)

  • I'm so sorry to see how you're feeling Kia.

    I'm not sure I know how to reply but can you see your doctor and ask him to listen properly to you, or write it all down for him to read. Or change your doctor?

    It sounds like your meds need changing perhaps?

    Don't ever say sorry for feeling sorry for yourself, it's good you have sat there and typed this, we're always here to try and help when you need to talk.

    How old is the son who refuses to clean his mess up?

    Sending hugs,

    Sue xx

  • my son is 21.

    i changed my doc to the one i got as i could no longer walk to my old one and i dont drive or have anyone to take me. its hard enough walking 15mins to one. I tried seeing other docs in the practice but they keep saying its best i see the one i got.

    She never writes down half of what i say and im never allowed to talk about more than 2 things at a time.

    Im on prozac, when i remember to take them, tramadol, naprosyn, amitryptilline, asthma inhalers, propanolol, obviously i only take the different pills dependant on the type of pain. Im waiting for a physio appt and pain clinic appt.

    I have tmjd bad so often get migraines and earache.

    I have no family or friend support except my neighbour and that is it. I hate seeing my house messy so much so i end up locking myself in my room. Cos one job and i am shattered.

    I do have good days but the pain is definately getting worse as is the fatigue. I just dont know what to do anymore.

  • thank you for your comments though.

  • have my sons and daughter been on the same lazy pills as ur kids xxx

  • The important thing is that you feel better for getting it out x I had a day like that Thursday and know how you feel. Just know that you're not alone and we will all do what we can to support you x if you want to inbox me feel free x

    Sending you gentle hugs xxx

  • Hi kia,

    I am so sorry you feel down. :(

    I too have to sit in a messy house when i am bad, my partner just seems to walk around with his eyes shut lol.

    I just want to send you a big hug and i hope you can feel abit better soon.

    take care, kel xxx

  • sending you gentle hugs too. my house is indescribably messy. i have three kids none of whom believe that its their responsibility to tidy up. even if its their stuff. they will walk past a pile of stuff thats even got their name on it in bright red felt tip pen on a sheet of paper.... mine are 11 to 14 though. told them when they get old enough to leave they can move out if they wont help. got my 26 year old a flat when he was 18 as he wasnt doing me any good at all.

  • Thanks for all your comments and i know this is just a bad day its just because im having so many bad dreams that seems so real, im so tired and in so much pain today, im trying not to take the pills as i sleep constantly but maybe for a couple days thats not a bad idea, as i know it will pass.

    One thing i must say though is when my kids were younger i didnt mind a messy house after all kids make a mess and as long as they were happy i could clean up at the end of the day, and a lot of you have kids or work. I dont so there is no excuse for it with me. My son when he is at work, works hard so its not like i ask him to do alot, just look after himself and do the stairs etc for me bt weekends its like a bomb has gone off in it. He says im forever nagging and its eaasier if i do myself but then like today im in agony with my back because of the bending.

    And a spa day sounds lovely Chris but I live on £90 a week thats all. And it would be a lot to get to a nice one. My only compromise i do now which i didnt before is although i only get low rate DLA i use it every month on myself (stuff for the house mainly)to make my life a little easier around here as thats what it is for. I used to end up spending it on the kids and grandkids but no more.

    Anyway im sure i will be back to a more reasonable mood soon but thanks again everyone. xxx

  • same here ladies - mine are 14 and 16 boys. couldn't care less. yet we have had many many family sit down discussions about my illness and how it effects my daily living. unfortunatly ;-( i'm am signed off sic again from work. tbh can;t see me returning. fibro. bladder, IBS etc.............. is getting worse. i'm ashamed to say this BUT my living arrangements are killing me. i can't see me getting any better if i need to continue living here. shouting, arguments, constant put downs. i'm just useleess. crap mother, wife, sister, auntie. work collegue. yeah and i've experience that, that friends slowly but surly disappear from the scene. Ang x

    feel like SHIT!!

  • Aw so sorry to hear you feeling so low but come on now the sun is shining and the spring is around the corner . yes we all have fibro but dont let it ruin your life try to do something every day if you can even if it is a little thing doesnt matter waht it is jus somrthing set yourself little goals and give yourself a treat evry time you manage one we all have days like you are today, call your friends ask how are they that will jog their memory lola and they will feel really bad then you take care love to you and your not alone on here ever diddle x

  • So sorry to hear how things are for you I sure know what those days are like I just wish more people could understand this illness is real and all the shite it brings with it! Really hope tomorrow may be a better day for you, is there anyone you can talk too?

    Sending ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Ruby xx

  • if you lived near me id come and give you big hug luv xxxxxxxxxx

  • Thank you for that nadine.Thats sweet of you. : )

    And unfortunately ruby i have no one here. No friends except my neighbour and she has her 4 grandsons staying at the moment way too much for me : )

    No family support whatsoever here either. Think thats why i get depressed so often and think things are worse than they are.

    But thanks anyway. xx

  • I do relate to your feelings I have been feeling the same. the depression never goes, I try so hard to think positive but my head just can't get around how lonely it is when friends and family do not understand or just don,t want to understand. Plus you have the added worry of DWP medicals looming and the new forms just do not meet with fibro condition.

  • So sorry you feel so bad Kia. Im in a constant depressed state that I cant seem to shake off.If its not one thing, its another.sometimes all at once.Then I burst into tears so easily. Ive had suicidal thoughts and even planned what I'd do.I have no friends to rely on,not much family,hardly ever go out (cant afford to).Its such a miserable place to be.I dont know why Im still here.But I am,and Im glad I have you all to offload stuff when I need to, and I know you understand.I work as a lollipop lady 5 hours a week (I call it "therepy" for my depression) and I go to work and put a smile on and say nice things to people, but only I know what a show Im putting on. No one has a clue Im so depressed and hurt all over so much and how hard life is. But I hope youre comforted enough to know we are all here for you,whenever you feel like you need to let it all out.Its such a relief to do that with people who REALLY know what youre going through. If I could make it all go away for you, I honestly would.I hope you feel better soon.Hugs.Carol x

  • You have my sympathy Kialaya, had a very bad day yesterday too.l also have a son at home thro rarely here!!!, he will help if l nag him enough but who has the energy to be doing that all the time!!!sometimes think it's easier to do it myself despite the pain and exhaustion. i should'nt moan too much l guess, l did ask him to cut the front lawn last week and only had to mention it once...could'nt believe he just went and did it!!!I think a lot of the depression may come from feeling so alone and isolated in our illness but thank goodness this site exists !!.I hope today is finding you feeling much better...there may be lots of disappointments around the corner but also many smiles too and where would we be without those odd moments that really lift your heart and make you smile too! Regards Sue

  • just sending u some hugs... we all are here.. this site is brilliant really beautiful helpful people xxxx

  • you have to love yourself and be your own best friend. My daughter wants every support from me but gives nothing but abuse back so I understand what you are saying. I still love her but ii AM LEARNING TO PROTECT MYSELF BY BEING A LITTLE BIT SELFISH TO SURVIVE AND BE HAPPY! HUGS FROM A FRIEND,YOU HAVE LOADS ON THIS SITE! XXX

  • Hello, I don't have any children but for those with lazy young adults have you asked them to read this website to help them gain an insight into what you are going through? Hopefully, they will also realise that you are not the only one who has this awful condition and that when you ask for help it is because you are too weak to do that chore yourself and you are not asking them to work just to annoy them!.

    I think it is also important for all of us to remember that people only treat us the way we allow them to. I therefore think that anyone who has any teenage [and older] children who aren't helping should have a family meeting. At this meeting you could perhaps show them/him/her a rota for certain chores, that you have already drawn up, that need to be done each week. No doubt there will be some initial resistance but stand firm. The days that certain chores need to be carried out might have to change because of after school/college/work activities but they still have to be done. Hopefully this will help.

    With regards to a spa day that ChristineEla mentioned, I made a discovery this week - if a hotel has a Spa you don't need to pay the ridiculous prices they charge for a Spa day - you can ring them and you will be allowed to use their facilities for about £10-20 for the day but you MUST pay for any treatments and refreshments you have. I think this is a brilliant idea. Why not ring the hotels nearest to you which have heated pools - what have you got to lose? Take care. x